Watchtower's PEDOPHILE POLICY

(MY COMMENT: This Article is also available on the Official Watchtower Website at this Address: http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/1985/1/22/article_01.htm )

Child Molesting

You CAN Protect Your Child

A YOUNG woman who was molested as a girl by her brother and her brother-in-law says: "I was afraid, so I did not tell anyone. For this reason, I would like to warn all parents: 'Please teach your children not to let anyone in the family, or outside the family, put their hands on them in any wrong way. If anyone tries to, do not be afraid to tell on them.'" She adds: "It can happen to any child at any time!"

In this degenerating world, we must take definite steps to protect our children from sexual molestation. It is not wise to leave things to chance and just hope that nothing will happen.

The First Line of Defense

The first line of defense is to avoid situations that leave our children vulnerable. For example, parents are advised to be careful about using as baby-sitters young adults who seem to prefer being with children rather than with folks their own age. One clinical psychologist reports that two thirds of the molesters he is treating committed the offense while baby-sitting.

Dr. Suzanne M. Sgroi mentions two more situations that have led to trouble: Children doubling up (in beds or rooms) with adults or teenagers, and large family gatherings where the grown-ups get involved in enjoying themselves and just assume that the older children are taking care of the young ones.

The truth is, the more we can keep our children under our own supervision, the less opportunity molesters will have to get at them. Ann, a mother of three, goes to the extent of not allowing her youngest child, a 14-year-old boy, to wander around the shopping mallor even to go into public rest roomsalone. The boy probably finds this very restrictive, but his mother has her reasons. She was molested as a child.

However, parents cannot always keep such a close watch on their children. Working parents may have no choice but to use day-care facilities or to leave their children with relatives or baby-sitters. Children have to go to school, and parents cannot always be with them. Relatives and friends come to visit. And then there are the neighbors! How can we protect our children when they are so vulnerable? Really, there is only one way

Talk to Your Child About the Danger

Psychologist Debrah Shulman said: "It's foolish to pretend to children that dangers do not exist. Children are aware of their vulnerability and are naturally concerned about their own safety. It's part of a parent's job to give them the tools to deal with danger realistically. If presented honestly and positively such information will not threaten children, it will reassure them." Yes, we have to talk to them about it.

This is easy to say but not so easy to do, especially since the greatest danger is from friends and relatives. We may already have warned our children against the stranger who wants to lure them into the woods or carry them away in a car. But how can we give them "the tools" to protect themselves from ones they know, respect, and even love?

Follow Their Instincts

Ann, the mother referred to previously, reports that she was only five years old when a male relative molested her. Nevertheless, she knew that he was doing something wrong, although she did not know how to stop him. And, unhappily, she could not talk to her parents about it. The lines of communication were not very good at that time.

Ann's experience demonstrates that children usually have a natural sense of what is fit and proper. We have to reinforce this instinct, tell them that they should obey it even if an adult tells them differently. A simple and determined "No, I don't want you to do that!" is often enough to deter a molester. Ann's experience also shows the need for open lines of communication with our children.

Recently a husband and wife were discussing this problem between themselves. Becoming concerned, they asked their child if she had ever been molested. To their horror, the child said yes. An old and trusted friend of the family had repeatedly done so. The family had excellent communication with their children, so why had the child not said something before? Simply because she did not know how. Once the subject was mentioned, the child was more than willing to discuss it.

If the Worst Should Happen

No parent can give a child complete protection against sexual molestation, although taking sensible precautions will enormously reduce the possibility that anything will happen. However, if parents have established good family communication, it may be that children will talk about it in the event that the worst should happen. Sometimes, though, children are so shocked by or ashamed of the experience that they will not discuss it. Hence, parents need to be alert. Here are some signs that researchers say may show that something has happened.

Be suspicious of any changes in the normal routine. In one case, a teacher asked that certain children come to school long before others. Watch for any telling signs in children such as declining grades or extreme anxiety around a specific adult. One woman who was victimized by her brother and her father as a girl said: "I came at the bottom of a class of 42, and nobody tried to find out why."

Pay attention to physical symptoms, such as headaches, vomiting or loss of appetite, and difficulty in sleeping. Genital complaints, such as soreness, are particularly important. Be aware of precocious sexuality in language, dress, or behavior. Be on the lookout for sudden changes in behavior that might indicate a problem. If a child becomes unusually withdrawn or shows an inclination to avoid one member of the family, a warning bell should sound. We also have to listen for the oblique messages that our children send us. The statement, "I don't like that math teacher any more" may be the child's way of trying to broach this difficult subject.

If parents see anything like this in their child, they should try to find out what is wrong. The child has a problem, and it may be a problem of molestation. If so, the child needs help. Unfortunately, many children do not get that help. Molested children have been accused of inventing the incident, although researchers assure us that children rarely, if ever, invent such things. Incest has been covered up so as not to break up the family.

However, if molestationand especially incestis discovered to have occurred, two things must be done immediately:

First, the childand other children toomust be protected from any further abuse. This must be done, whatever the cost. In many cases the accused molester will have to be confronted. But whatever it takes, it is important that the child should feel confident that the molester will never be able to get at her (or him) again.

Second, the child must be given a lot of love and emotional support. Parents must make it very clear that the little victim is not to blame. The crime and anything that happens as a result of iteven if a close relative goes to prisonis not her (or his) fault. But that reassurance will have to be given many times, so that the victim comes to believe itand to believe that the parents believe it too!

How Can We Tell Them?

First, we have to bring the subject up. One suggestion is that if ever a scandal is reported in the news, parents could use it as an opportunity to ask their children: "Did anyone ever do anything like that to you?" and then go on to tell them how to act if anyone tries to.

Parents who teach their children about the Bible can use parts of it as a starting point. They can use the story of Dinah, the daughter of Jacob, to explain the boundaries that exist in what one person may do to another. (Genesis 34:1-4) The story of Tamar and Amnon can be used to show that there are things that even close relatives are not permitted to do to each other. (2 Samuel 13:10-16) And we should make sure they understand that if something like that does happen to them, we want to know about it. We will not get angry with them if they tell us.

Mary was molested when she was a little girl, so she made very sure to put her three daughters on guard against molesters. How did she do it? As soon as they were old enough to understand, she told them: "If anyone touches you in the wrong place, tell me and I will not be angry." How would they know where the wrong places are? Mary says that when they were about three years old she showed them. When she was bathing them or getting them ready for bed, she pointed out the parts of their body that other people should not touch. As they got a little older, she presented situations: "Nobody should touch you there, even if it is a schoolteacher or a policeman. Not even Mummy or Daddy should touch you there. And a doctor should only touch you there if Mummy or Daddy is with you!"

Did this work? Mary remembers one occasion when a relative was playing with her six-year-old daughter. The things the relative was doing started to make the little girl feel uncomfortable. What did she do? She just walked away from him. Mary is not sure whether the relative had bad intentions or not. But she is delighted that her daughter was able to walk away from the situation when it started to feel "not right," or "strange."

"If anyone touches you in the wrong place, tell me"

Hence, just as parents warn their children against going off with strangers, playing in a busy street, and putting their hands on electric wires, they should also tell them about avoiding molestation. They should explain the boundaries on their bodies that otherseven their own parentsshould not transgress. They should clearly state that if something does happen, they want to know about it. And they will not blame the children.

The "What if . . . ?" Game

Sometimes adults will use their greater experience and intelligence to deceive children into joining them in some inappropriate activity, and children may not spot the deception without help. So Linda Tschirhart Sanford, author of the book The Silent Children, suggests a tool that could be used to counter this in advance: the "What if . . . ?" game. From time to time, ask the children what they would do in certain situations: "What if the baby sitter said that you could stay up late watching television if you got in the bathtub with him and played games? What would you tell him?" "What if someone you knew took you for a ride and wanted to put his hands where he should not? What would you do?" "What would you do if an older friend touched you in a way you did not like, or wanted to undress you and play a secret game with you?"

Tell children the right names for the parts of their body

In teaching the child how to answer, parents can show that there are occasions when they can say no to an adult. There are also occasions when they should reveal secrets. If they are trained to say things like "I will just go and ask Mummy first," they will be able to discourage most potential molesters. If the child learns the right answers in the "What if . . . ?" game, it is gaining some good tools to protect itself. If it gives a wrong answer, well, go back over the question and suggest a different answer.

Give Them the Words

The following experience shows another problem that children face in the matter of molestation: A woman relates that she was abused as a child and tried to tell her mother about it. But she did not have the right words and could not explain what had happened. Her mother thought that someone was just trying to be affectionate and that the little girl had misunderstood the situation and blown it out of proportion.

Because of similar experiences, social workers encourage parents to tell their children the right names for parts of their bodies. Give them the vocabulary to express themselves in case the worst happens.

Alert but Balanced

One of a parent's worst nightmares is that their child might be sexually molested. However, we need to remember that most adults are not going to molest our children. Most of our relatives love them and would be as concerned as we are to protect them from abuse.

On the other hand, it can happen. And merely hoping that it will not happen is not enough. The Biblical proverb says: "Shrewd is the one that has seen the calamity and proceeds to conceal himself." (Proverbs 22:3) Hence, it is wise to be cautious, especially in view of the times we live in. If we avoid, to the extent possible, putting our children in situations that leave them vulnerable, if we explain to them the boundaries that even adults are not to cross, and if we teach them how to react in case any adult should try to cross those boundaries, then we are doing a lot to protect our children from the molester.

The Watchtower November 1st 1995 Issue:

(MY COMMENT: This Article is also available on the Official Watchtower Website at this Address: http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/1995/11/1a/article_01.htm )

Comfort for Those With a "Stricken Spirit"

TODAY, Satan's world has come to be "past all moral sense." (Ephesians 4:19; 1 John 5:19) Adultery and fornication are pandemic. In many lands 50 percent or more of marriages end in divorce. Homosexuality is widely accepted. Sexual violencerapeis often in the news. Pornography is a billion-dollar industry.Romans 1:26, 27.

Among the vilest perversions is the sexual abuse of innocent children. Like the wisdom of Satan's world, child sexual abuse is "animal, demonic." (James 3:15) In the United States alone, Time magazine says, "more than 400,000 reports of verifiable sexual assaults are filed with authorities each year by teachers and doctors." When victims of this abuse become adults, many still carry painful wounds, and those wounds are real! The Bible says: "The spirit [mental inclination, inner feelings and thoughts] of a man can put up with his malady; but as for a stricken [wounded, afflicted] spirit, who can bear it?"Proverbs 18:14.

The good news of God's Kingdom appeals to people of all kinds, including "the brokenhearted" and those with a "downhearted spirit." (Isaiah 61:1-4) Not surprisingly, many who are in emotional pain respond to the invitation: "Let anyone thirsting come; let anyone that wishes take life's water free." (Revelation 22:17) The Christian congregation can be a place of comfort for these. They rejoice to learn that suffering will soon be a thing of the past. (Isaiah 65:17) Until that time, though, they may need to be 'comforted' and have their wounds 'bound up.' Well did Paul counsel Christians: "Speak consolingly to the depressed souls, support the weak, be long-suffering toward all."1 Thessalonians 5:14.

"Repressed Memories"

In recent years some have been "brokenhearted" for reasons that others find difficult to understand. They are adults who, on the basis of what have been described as "repressed memories," say that they were sexually abused when they were children.* (FOOTNOTE SAYS: "Repressed memories" and similar expressions are enclosed in quotation marks to distinguish them from the more typical memories that all of us have.) Some have no thought of having been molested until, unexpectedly, they experience flashbacks and "memories" of an adult (or adults) abusing them when they were young. Do any in the Christian congregation have such disturbing thoughts? In a few lands, yes, and these dedicated ones may experience deep distress, anger, guilt, shame, or loneliness. Like David they may feel isolated from God and cry out: "Why, O Jehovah, do you keep standing afar off? Why do you keep yourself hid in times of distress?"Psalm 10:1.

Many aspects of these "memories" are not well understood by mental-health professionals. Still, such "memories" can affect the spirituality of dedicated Christians. So we look with confidence to God's Word for guidance in handling them. The Bible provides "discernment in all things." (2 Timothy 2:7; 3:16) It also helps all concerned to put faith in Jehovah, "the Father of tender mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation."2 Corinthians 1:3, 4.

Did It Really Happen?

In the world, there is much controversy as to what these "memories" are and to what extent they represent things that actually happened. Jehovah's Witnesses are "no part of the world" and take no part in this controversy. (John 17:16) According to published reports, "memories" have sometimes proved to be accurate. For example, after insurance adjuster Frank Fitzpatrick "remembered" being molested by a certain priest, almost one hundred others came forward to claim that they too had been abused by the same priest. The priest reportedly admitted to the abuse.

It is noteworthy, however, that a number of individuals have been unable to corroborate their "memories." Some afflicted in this way have had vivid recollections of a certain individual committing abuse or of the abuse being committed in a specific place. Later, though, legitimate evidence to the contrary made it clear that these "remembered" details could not be true.

Providing a Refuge

Nevertheless, how can comfort be given to those who experience a "stricken spirit" because of such "memories"? Remember Jesus' parable of the neighborly Samaritan. A man was set upon by robbers, beaten, and stripped of his possessions. When the Samaritan came along, his heart went out to the wounded man. What did he do? Did he insist on hearing every last detail about the beating? Or did the Samaritan get a description of the robbers and immediately chase after them? No. The man was hurt! So the Samaritan gently dressed his wounds and lovingly carried him to the safety of a nearby inn where he could recover.Luke 10:30-37.

True, there is a difference between physical wounds and a "stricken spirit" caused by actual childhood sexual abuse. But both cause great suffering. Hence, what the Samaritan did for the wounded Jew shows what can be done to help an afflicted fellow Christian. The first priority is to give loving comfort and to help him recover.

The Devil afflicted faithful Job, apparently confident that either emotional or physical pain would break his integrity. (Job 1:11; 2:5) Since then, Satan has often tried to use sufferingwhether he directly causes it or notto weaken the faith of God's servants. (Compare 2 Corinthians 12:7-9.) Can we doubt that the Devil now plays upon child abuse and the "downhearted spirit" of many adults who suffered this (or are troubled by "memories" of having suffered it) to try to weaken the faith of Christians? Like Jesus when under attack by Satan, a Christian who suffers pain but who stalwartly refuses to abandon his integrity is saying: "Go away, Satan!"Matthew 4:10.

Stay Spiritually Strong

"The faithful and discreet slave" has published information to help handle the spiritual and emotional hurt caused by child abuse. (Matthew 24:45-47) Experience shows that the sufferer is helped if he can rely on the 'power of the Lord and the mightiness of his strength,' putting on "the complete suit of armor from God." (Ephesians 6:10-17) This armor includes Bible "truth," which exposes Satan as the ultimate enemy and dissipates the darkness in which he and his henchmen work. (John 3:19) Then, there is "the breastplate of righteousness." The afflicted one should strive to hold to righteous standards. For example, some have strong impulses to harm themselves or to commit immorality. Every time they resist these impulses, they win a victory!

Spiritual armor also includes "the good news of peace." Talking to others about Jehovah's purposes strengthens the one talking as well as anyone who listens. (1 Timothy 4:16) If you should be one with a "stricken spirit," making it difficult for you to talk about the good news, try to accompany another Christian as he or she does this vital work. And do not forget "the large shield of faith." Have faith that Jehovah loves you and that he will restore all that you have lost. Believe without reservation that Jesus also loves you, and he proved this by dying for you. (John 3:16) Satan has always falsely claimed that Jehovah does not care for his servants. That is just another of his gross, vicious lies.John 8:44; compare Job 4:1, 15-18; 42:10-15.

If pain of heart makes it difficult to believe that Jehovah is concerned about you, it will help to associate with others who firmly believe that he does have concern. (Psalm 119:107, 111; Proverbs 18:1; Hebrews 10:23-25) Refuse to allow Satan to rob you of the prize of life. Remember, "the helmet of salvation" is part of the armor; so is "the sword of the spirit." The Bible is inspired by holy spirit, which Satan cannot defeat. (2 Timothy 3:16; Hebrews 4:12) Its healing words can soothe emotional pain.Compare Psalm 107:20; 2 Corinthians 10:4, 5.

Finally, pray constantly for the strength to endure. (Romans 12:12; Ephesians 6:18) Heartfelt prayer sustained Jesus through intense emotional agony, and it can help you too. (Luke 22:41-43) Is it difficult for you to pray? Ask others to pray with you and for you. (Colossians 1:3; James 5:14) Holy spirit will support your prayers. (Compare Romans 8:26, 27.) As with a painful physical illness, some with deep emotional wounds may not be completely healed in this system of things. But with Jehovah's help we can endure, and endurance is victory, as it was in Jesus' case. (John 16:33) "Trust in [Jehovah] at all times, O people. Before him pour out your heart. God is a refuge for us."Psalm 62:8.

What of the Alleged Abuser?

A person who actually abuses a child sexually is a rapist and should be viewed as such. Anyone victimized in this way has the right to accuse his abuser. Still, an accusation should not be made hastily if it is based solely on "repressed memories" of abuse. In this case the most important thing is for the sufferer to regain a degree of emotional stability. After the passage of some time, he may be in a better position to assess the "memories" and decide what, if anything, he wants to do about them.

Consider the case of Donna. She reportedly had eating disorders and went to a counselorapparently one of dubious competence. Soon she was accusing her father of incest and he was taken to court. The jury was deadlocked, so the father did not go to prison, but he was left with $100,000 in legal bills. Then, after all that, Donna told her parents that she no longer believed that the abuse happened!

Wisely, Solomon said: "Do not go forth to conduct a legal case hastily." (Proverbs 25:8) If there is some valid reason to suspect that the alleged perpetrator is still abusing children, a warning may have to be given. The congregation elders can help in such a case. Otherwise, take your time. Eventually, you may be content to let the matter drop. If, though, you want to confront the alleged perpetrator (after first assessing how you would feel about the possible responses), you have a right to do so.

During the time that the one experiencing "memories" is healing, awkward situations may arise. For example, an individual may have vivid mental images of being molested by someone he or she sees every day. No rules can be laid down for handling this. "Each one will carry his own load." (Galatians 6:5) Sometimes one may feel that a relative or a member of one's immediate family is involved. Remember the dubious nature of some "repressed memories" when it comes to identifying the one suspected of being a perpetrator. In such a situation, as long as the matter has not been firmly established, keeping contact with the familyat least by occasional visits, by letter, or by telephonewould show that one is trying to follow a Scriptural course.Compare Ephesians 6:1-3.

What Can Elders Do?

If the elders are approached by a member of the congregation who is experiencing flashbacks or "repressed memories" of child abuse, two of them are usually assigned to help. These elders should kindly encourage the afflicted one to focus for the time being on coping with the emotional distress. The names of any "remembered" abusers should be kept in strict confidence.

The elders' primary task is to act as shepherds. (Isaiah 32:1, 2; 1 Peter 5:2, 3) They should be especially careful to "clothe [themselves] with the tender affections of compassion, kindness, lowliness of mind, mildness, and long-suffering." (Colossians 3:12) Let them listen in a kindly way and then apply healing words from the Scriptures. (Proverbs 12:18) Some who are afflicted with painful "memories" have expressed appreciation for elders who make regular visits or even telephone calls to check to see how they are doing. Such contacts need not take a lot of time, but they show that Jehovah's organization cares. When the afflicted one realizes that his Christian brothers truly love him, he may be helped to recover a considerable degree of emotional balance.

What if the sufferer decides that he wants to make an accusation?# (FOOTNOTE SAYS: It may also be necessary for the step outlined in this paragraph to be taken if the matter has become common knowledge in the congregation.) Then the two elders can advise him that, in line with the principle at Matthew 18:15, he should personally approach the accused about the matter. If the accuser is not emotionally able to do this face-to-face, it can be done by telephone or perhaps by writing a letter. In this way the one accused is given the opportunity to go on record before Jehovah with his answer to the accusation. He may even be able to present evidence that he could not have committed the abuse. Or perhaps the one accused will confess, and a reconciliation may be achieved. What a blessing that would be! If there is a confession, the two elders can handle matters further in accordance with Scriptural principles.

If the accusation is denied, the elders should explain to the accuser that nothing more can be done in a judicial way. And the congregation will continue to view the one accused as an innocent person. The Bible says that there must be two or three witnesses before judicial action can be taken. (2 Corinthians 13:1; 1 Timothy 5:19) Even if more than one person "remembers" abuse by the same individual, the nature of these recalls is just too uncertain to base judicial decisions on them without other supporting evidence. This does not mean that such "memories" are viewed as false (or that they are viewed as true). But Bible principles must be followed in establishing a matter judicially.

What if the one accusedthough denying the wrongdoingis really guilty? Does he "get away with it," as it were? Certainly not! The question of his guilt or innocence can be safely left in Jehovah's hands. "The sins of some men are publicly manifest, leading directly to judgment, but as for other men their sins also become manifest later." (1 Timothy 5:24; Romans 12:19; 14:12) The book of Proverbs says: "The expectation of the righteous ones is a rejoicing, but the very hope of the wicked ones will perish." "When a wicked man dies, his hope perishes." (Proverbs 10:28; 11:7) Ultimately, Jehovah God and Christ Jesus render everlasting judgment in justice.1 Corinthians 4:5.

Resisting the Devil

When dedicated souls endure in the face of great physical or emotional pain, what an evidence it is of their inner strength and love for God! And what a testimony to the power of Jehovah's spirit to sustain them!Compare 2 Corinthians 4:7.

Peter's words apply to such ones: "Take your stand against [Satan] solid in the faith." (1 Peter 5:9) Doing so may not be easy. Sometimes, it may even be difficult to think clearly and logically. But take heart! Soon, the Devil and his crafty acts will no longer exist. Truly, we long for that time when "God himself . . . will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away."Revelation 21:3, 4.

The Watchtower January 1st 1997 Issue:

(MY COMMENT: This Article is also available on the Official Watchtower Website at this Address: http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/1997/1/1/article_01.htm )

Let Us ABHOR What Is Wicked

JEHOVAH is a holy God. In ancient times he was "the Holy One of Israel," and as such he demanded that Israel be clean, unsullied. (Psalm 89:18) He told his chosen people: "You must prove yourselves holy, because I am holy." (Leviticus 11:45) Anyone who wanted to "ascend into the mountain of Jehovah" had to be "innocent in his hands and clean in heart." (Psalm 24:3, 4) That meant more than merely avoiding sinful acts. It meant "the hating of bad."Proverbs 8:13.

Lovingly, Jehovah laid down detailed laws so that the nation of Israel could identify and avoid wrongdoing. (Romans 7:7, 12) These laws included strict guidelines on morality. Adultery, homosexual acts, incestuous relationships, and bestiality were all identified as unholy spiritual pollutants. (Leviticus 18:23; 20:10-17) Those guilty of such degraded acts were cut off from the nation of Israel.

When the congregation of anointed Christians became "the Israel of God," similar moral standards were laid down for them. (Galatians 6:16) Christians too were to "abhor what is wicked." (Romans 12:9) Jehovah's words to Israel also applied to them: "You must be holy, because I am holy." (1 Peter 1:15, 16) Such unholy practices as fornication, adultery, homosexual acts, bestiality, and incest were not to corrupt the Christian congregation. Those refusing to stop engaging in such things would be excluded from God's Kingdom. (Romans 1:26, 27; 2:22; 1 Corinthians 6:9, 10; Hebrews 13:4) In these "last days," the same standards apply to the "other sheep." (2 Timothy 3:1; John 10:16) As a result, anointed Christians and other sheep make up a clean and wholesome people, able to carry the name of their God as Jehovah's Witnesses.Isaiah 43:10.

Keeping the Congregation Clean

In contrast, the world condones all kinds of immorality. Although true Christians are different, they should not forget that many who now serve Jehovah were once in the world. There are many who, before they knew our holy God, saw no reason not to indulge the desires and fantasies of their fallen flesh, wallowing in a "low sink of debauchery." (1 Peter 4:4) The apostle Paul, after describing the disgusting practices of degraded people of the nations, said: "That is what some of you were." Still, he went on to say: "But you have been washed clean, but you have been sanctified, but you have been declared righteous in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ and with the spirit of our God."1 Corinthians 6:11.

What a comforting statement that is! Whatever a person did earlier in life, he changes when the glorious good news about the Christ has an effect on his heart. He exercises faith and dedicates himself to Jehovah God. From then on he lives a morally pure life, washed clean in God's eyes. (Hebrews 9:14) The sins that he committed previously are pardoned, and he can 'stretch forward to the things ahead.'* (FOOTNOTE SAYS: See "Questions From Readers" in the May 1, 1996, issue of The Watchtower.)Philippians 3:13, 14; Romans 4:7, 8.

Jehovah forgave repentant David for murder and adultery, and He forgave repentant Manasseh for immoral idolatry and much bloodshed. (2 Samuel 12:9, 13; 2 Chronicles 33:2-6, 10-13) We can be truly grateful that he is prepared to forgive us too if we repent and approach him in sincerity and humility. Still, despite Jehovah's forgiving David and Manasseh, these two menand Israel with themhad to live with the consequences of their sinful acts. (2 Samuel 12:11, 12; Jeremiah 15:3-5) In a similar way, while Jehovah forgives repentant sinners, there may be consequences of their actions that cannot be avoided.

Inevitable Consequences

While Jehovah forgives repentant sinners, there may be consequences of their actions that cannot be avoided

For example, a man who lives a life of immoral debauchery and contracts AIDS may accept the truth and turn his life around to the point of dedication and baptism. Now he is a spiritually clean Christian having a relationship with God and a wonderful hope for the future; but he still has AIDS. He may eventually die of the disease, a sad but inescapable consequence of his former conduct. For some Christians the effects of former gross immorality may persist in other ways. For years after their baptism, perhaps for the rest of their lives in this system of things, they may have to fight urges in their flesh to return to their previous immoral life-style. With the help of Jehovah's spirit, many succeed in resisting. But they have to wage a constant battle.Galatians 5:16, 17.

Such ones do not sin as long as they control their urges. But if they are men, they may wisely decide not to 'reach out' for responsibility in the congregation while still having to struggle with powerful fleshly impulses. (1 Timothy 3:1) Why? Because they know the trust that the congregation puts in the elders. (Isaiah 32:1, 2; Hebrews 13:17) They realize that the elders are consulted on many intimate matters and have to handle sensitive situations. It would be neither loving, wise, nor reasonable for one waging a constant fight with unclean fleshly desires to reach out for such a responsible position.Proverbs 14:16; John 15:12, 13; Romans 12:1.

For a man who was a child molester before he was baptized, there may be another consequence. When he learns the truth, he repents and turns around, not bringing that cruel sin into the congregation. He may thereafter make fine progress, completely overcome his wrong impulses, and even be inclined to 'reach out' for a responsible position in the congregation. What, though, if he still has to live down notoriety in the community as a former child molester? Would he "be irreprehensible, . . . have a fine testimony from people on the outside, . . . [be] free from accusation"? (1 Timothy 3:1-7, 10; Titus 1:7) No, he would not. Hence, he would not qualify for congregation privileges.

When a Dedicated Christian Sins

Jehovah understands that we are weak and that even after baptism we may fall into sin. The apostle John wrote to Christians of his day: "I am writing you these things that you may not commit a sin. And yet, if anyone does commit a sin, we have a helper with the Father, Jesus Christ, a righteous one. And he is a propitiatory sacrifice for our sins, yet not for ours only but also for the whole world's." (1 John 2:1, 2) Yes, on the basis of Jesus' sacrifice, Jehovah will forgive baptized Christians who fall into sinif they truly repent and abandon their wrong course.

An example of this was seen in the first-century congregation at Corinth. The apostle Paul heard of a case of incestuous fornication in that young congregation, and he gave instructions that the man involved be disfellowshipped. Later, the sinner repented, and Paul exhorted the congregation to reinstate him. (1 Corinthians 5:1, 13; 2 Corinthians 2:5-9) Thus, by the healing power of Jehovah's loving kindness and the great value of Jesus' ransom sacrifice, the man was cleansed of his sin. Similar things may happen today. Again, though, even if a baptized person who commits a serious sin repents and is forgiven in Jehovah's eyes, there may still be ongoing consequences of his sin.Proverbs 10:16, 17; Galatians 6:7.

For example, if a dedicated girl commits fornication, she may bitterly regret her act and eventually be restored to spiritual health with the help of the congregation. But what if she is pregnant because of her immorality? Then her whole life has been inescapably changed by what she did. A man who commits adultery may repent and not be disfellowshipped. But his innocent mate has Scriptural grounds to divorce him, and she may choose to do so. (Matthew 19:9) If she does, the man, although forgiven by Jehovah, will live the rest of his life with this grave consequence of his sin.1 John 1:9.

What of a man who unlovingly divorces his wife in order to marry another woman? Perhaps he will eventually repent and be reinstated in the congregation. Over the years he may make progress and "press on to maturity." (Hebrews 6:1) But as long as his first wife lives without a mate, he will not qualify to serve in a responsible position in the congregation. He is not "a husband of one wife" because he had no Scriptural right to divorce his first wife.1 Timothy 3:2, 12.

Are these not powerful reasons why a Christian should cultivate an abhorrence of what is wicked?

What of a Child Molester?

What if a baptized adult Christian sexually molests a child? Is the sinner so wicked that Jehovah will never forgive him? Not necessarily so. Jesus said that 'blasphemy against the holy spirit' was unforgivable. And Paul said that there is no sacrifice for sins left for one who practices sin willfully despite knowing the truth. (Luke 12:10; Hebrews 10:26, 27) But nowhere does the Bible say that an adult Christian who sexually abuses a childwhether incestuously or otherwisecannot be forgiven. Indeed, his sins can be washed clean if he repents sincerely from the heart and turns his conduct around. However, he may still have to struggle with the wrong fleshly impulses he cultivated. (Ephesians 1:7) And there may be consequences that he cannot avoid.

Depending on the law of the land where he lives, the molester may well have to serve a prison term or face other sanctions from the State. The congregation will not protect him from this. Moreover, the man has revealed a serious weakness that henceforth will have to be taken into account. If he seems to be repentant, he will be encouraged to make spiritual progress, share in the field service, even have parts in the Theocratic Ministry School and nonteaching parts in the Service Meeting. This does not mean, though, that he will qualify to serve in a position of responsibility in the congregation. What are the Scriptural reasons for this?

For one thing, an elder must be "self-controlled." (Titus 1:8) True, none of us have perfect self-control. (Romans 7:21-25) But a dedicated adult Christian who falls into the sin of child sexual abuse reveals an unnatural fleshly weakness. Experience has shown that such an adult may well molest other children. True, not every child molester repeats the sin, but many do. And the congregation cannot read hearts to tell who is and who is not liable to molest children again. (Jeremiah 17:9) Hence, Paul's counsel to Timothy applies with special force in the case of baptized adults who have molested children: "Never lay your hands hastily upon any man; neither be a sharer in the sins of others." (1 Timothy 5:22) For the protection of our children, a man known to have been a child molester does not qualify for a responsible position in the congregation. Moreover, he cannot be a pioneer or serve in any other special, full-time service.Compare the principle at Exodus 21:28, 29.

Some may ask, 'Have not some committed other types of sin and apparently repented, only to repeat their sin later?' Yes, that has happened, but there are other factors to consider. If, for example, an individual makes immoral advances to another adult, the adult should be able to resist his or her advances. Children are much easier to deceive, confuse, or terrorize. The Bible speaks of a child's lack of wisdom. (Proverbs 22:15; 1 Corinthians 13:11) Jesus used children as an example of humble innocence. (Matthew 18:4; Luke 18:16, 17) The innocence of a child includes a complete lack of experience. Most children are open, eager to please, and thus vulnerable to abuse by a scheming adult whom they know and trust. Therefore, the congregation has a responsibility before Jehovah to protect its children.

Well-trained children learn to obey and honor their parents, the elders, and other adults. (Ephesians 6:1, 2; 1 Timothy 5:1, 2; Hebrews 13:7) It would be a shocking perversion if one of these authority figures were to misuse that child's innocent trust so as to seduce or force him or her to submit to sexual acts. Those who have been sexually molested in this way often struggle for years to overcome the resulting emotional trauma. Hence, a child molester is subject to severe congregational discipline and restrictions. It is not his status as an authority figure that should be of concern but, rather, the unblemished purity of the congregation.1 Corinthians 5:6; 2 Peter 3:14.

From Our Readers Response on Child Molesting

THE January 22, 1985, issue of Awake! carried a three-part series entitled Child MolestingYou Can Protect Your Child. In todays world, this unpleasant subject is one of which parents must become aware, and many of our readers wrote letters expressing gratitude for the information presented. We would like to share some of their expressions.

Your Suggestions Were Very Helpful

Here is part of a letter from the United States: Thank you so much for the information on child molesting. As children, both my sister and I were molested by a cousin. Now we both have families and want to do all we can to protect our children. We will surely be applying the sound advice found in this article.

From the United States: I really appreciated your article Child MolestingYou Can Protect Your Child. Your suggestions were very helpful and simple. I have a couple I would like to share with you: It can be dangerous for children to have their names on their shirts. They are more likely to go with a stranger who knows their name. Also, when children are naughty, parents often threaten them, saying: The police will get you! This makes children afraid and perhaps unwilling to approach the police if they ever need help.

From the United States: After having re-read the January 22 issue of Awake! on child molesting, I want you to know that it is one of the best I have read. Naturally I wish we had had this information several years ago, before my two beautiful granddaughters were so terribly and unmercifully abused. But if it prevents some other child from suffering as they have, I shall be glad.

I Was a Victim

Many letters confirmed the terrible damage done by child molestation. For example, here is a letter from England: Thank you for the recent articles on the subject of child molestation. I was a victim of child abuse and experienced feelings similar to those reported in your article. Even now, after so many years, I have to restrain myself because I get very emotional when I read or hear of these things happening to children.

Another letter from England says: I was a victim of incest over a period of years beginning when I was about five. The offender was my stepfather. What I experienced at his hands was so traumatic for my young mind that much of it was submerged in my subconsciousness until only a few months ago. The memories, once triggered, emerged like some sort of nightmare.

Some people may regard your article as an overreaction and may feel shocked about telling their little ones about what to do if someoneeven a close relativeshould touch their private body parts or ask them to look at or touch theirs. I have a message for those people: The advice in the article is excellent.

Who Would Believe You?

Some letters shed light on the tactics of molesters. A reader in England writes: As a young child, I was abused by an older man whom I had a lot of respect for. As your article brought out, the indecent fondling (which is what it was restricted to) was disguised as playing and tickling. It left me with tremendous feelings of guilt and shame.

A reader from the United States reminds us that it is not only adults who molest children. She writes: I warned my children about adults, never imagining that it would be a nine-and-a-half-year-old girl who would improperly fondle my four-year-old daughter.

Another reader from England tells us: My foster father was a judge; therefore, when he started to molest me, I didnt think there was anything wrong. When I got to the age of 12, I knew it was wrong but was unable to tell anyone, for he had drummed into me: Who would believe you? And dont be ungrateful. Look at all the things youve got. In my early teens my brothers and an uncle abused me. So by the age of 14, I was using drugs, thinking this was my only way to happiness. I grew up being very promiscuous, which was the only way I could afford the drugs. Id like to thank you again for the article. I can now make sure my son will never have to go through the pain I had.

A reader in the United States writes: I just finished reading the article on Child Molesting in the January 22, 1985, issue of Awake! I could not hold back the tears from my eyes because I, too, was molested. It happened when I was five. The molester was a man that my mother was dating. While my mother was away and my brothers were out playing, this man would take sexual liberties with me. I have been trying to forget, trying to blot it out of my mind, trying to pretend that it was a bad dream, but it was not a dream. It actually did happen, and for all these years (I am now 27) I have never told anyone. Thank you for the article on child molesting. It gave me the courage to write this letter.

These are just a few of the many letters received that show the frightening scope of the problem. We are living in truly decadent times. (2 Timothy 3:1, 3) There have even been cases involving Christian families, which had to be handled by the congregation elders! Never forget that while child molesting is usually a sin committed by adults, it is children who carry the burden. It is tragic that so many children are being robbed of their childhood by adults who have no self-control. The emotional wounds inflicted on these young ones may last a whole lifetime!

[Box on Page 27]:

Alert Use of Awake! in Oregon

When the January 22, 1985, issue of Awake! arrived in Oregon, U.S.A., Joy, a minister of Jehovahs Witnesses, went with a friend to show the articles on child molesting to the local police sergeant in charge of crime prevention. He revealed that he was just on his way to the local community college to set up a seminar on child molesting, so he took a copy of the magazine along. That afternoon, he contacted Joy and said he would like to use the magazine in the seminar. Joy alertly told him about the April 22, 1984, issue of Awake!, which featured a series of articles about missing children. The police sergeant ordered 200 copies of each magazine in order to give one to each person in attendance at the seminar.

Later, the police sergeant increased his order to 250 copies of each issue so that there would be some available to use in the local police Helpline Support programs. He also recommended that Joy contact the local Childrens Service Department. She followed his advice and was able to give her presentation before a group of 20 counselors during an orientation seminar. The group took her remaining copies of both issues of the magazine.

Awake! October 8th 1982 Issue, Page 28:

From Our Readers

I feel you were unfair in accusing Time magazine of publishing pro-incest propaganda (June 22, 1982, pages 9, 10). The opinions of so-called sexologists and also those of child psychiatrists were presented. You failed to note that the Time reporter found these pro-incest views disturbing, irresponsible and falling just short of the child molesters lib.

L. C., Pennsylvania

Awake! should have stated that Time reported on pro-incest propaganda, not that it published such. We did include statements in Times article showing the dangers of such propaganda.ED.

Awake! February 8th 1981 Issue, Pages 16-19:

Incest The Hidden Crime

IS THERE any help for a person like me? This sad question came from a woman with a difficult problemone shared by a surprising number of other women today. After many years, she was still suffering from a childhood experience. She had been a victim of incest. How can her question be answered?

Incest is not a pleasant word. Most would rather not discuss it, yet it is increasingly common. If estimates are correct, it is quite likely that some of your personal friends have been victims. It is certainly a problem of which parents should be aware.

Most of us know what incest meanssexual activity between close relatives. It is suspected that a lot of such activity goes on between brothers and sisters, although this is not usually reported. Authorities are particularly concerned when children are abused by adult relatives. Of greatest concern, and probably accounting for most of the reported cases, are instances where children are molested by their fathers or stepfathers.

Is the Problem Really Widespread?

Despite the lack of complete statistics, the answer is clearly, Yes. Susan Brownmiller, in her book Against Our Will, says: The sexually abused child is statistically more prevalent than the physically abused, or battered child. Mrs. Lee Preney, a childcare worker, asserts that incest is more common than rape, and less frequently reported.

A report in the Seattle Times said: Look at any 15 girls in your daughters classroom the next time youre there . . . the odds are good that at least oneand possibly two or threehas been a victim of incest.

Hank Giarretto, a psychologist who works in a sexual-abuse treatment program in prosperous Santa Clara County, California, thinks that incest is epidemic in America. In an area with a population of around one million, he saw incest cases rise from 30 in 1971 to more than 500 in 1977. In an interview with the magazine People, he said: I think we are just beginning to tap the actual prevalence.

Some estimate that 25 million women in America today suffered incestuous abuse as children! Reports indicate that many other countries are experiencing the same growing problem.

Should We Be Concerned About It?

Many experts have raised this question. For example, Wardell Pomeroy, coauthor of the original Kinsey reports, was quoted in Time magazine as saying: It is time to admit that incest need not be a perversion or a symptom of mental illness. Incest between . . . children and adults . . . can sometimes be beneficial.

Are you a parent? How do you feel about that viewpoint? Would you allow your little boy or girl to have sex relations with an older relative?

If you are a Christian, you know you should be concerned about incest. Gods opinion about itmuch more important than any manswas stated very clearly to the Israelites: You people must not come near, any man of you, to any close fleshly relative of his to lay bare nakedness. The forbidden relationships are specified, including: brother/sister, parent/child, as well as uncle-or-aunt/niece-or-nephew relations.Leviticus 18:6-18.

The experience of children who have been incestuously abused also shows that we should be concerned.

What Happens to the Child?

In correspondence with the Australian Womens Weekly, a woman described how childhood incest drove her to several suicide attempts, starting from the age of 10. Others could not have normal sex relationships when they grew up.

Another, one of three sisters molested by their father, wrote: It has taken me 10 years and a lot of help from my husband to come to terms with it and discuss it freely. It affects everybody differently. My eldest sister thinks sex is the dirtiest thing in the world; my youngest just doesnt care. She was charged with prostitution at the age of 14 and had a child by the time she was 15 years old.

Prostitution, drug abuse, committing rape (in the case of boys), alcoholism, rebelliousness and emotional turmoil have all resulted from incest. One young girl could not think of God as her heavenly Father. An incestuous relationship with her natural father had soured her on the whole concept of fatherhood.

Why does incest seem to cause more emotional turmoil than, say, rape? Because the molester is imposing on a very close and important relationship. One girl complained that she felt more like a wife than a daughter and believed that she was there only for her fathers sexual pleasure.

Consider the comment of another victim: I was terrified to tell anyone what was happening to me. I was so scared to disobey him; after all he was my father, he wouldnt do anything he wasnt supposed to . . . As I grew into my teens, things got worse and worse. I understood things better. I felt like I was dirty, cheap and worthless. So many times I considered suicide. And how I hated men! . . . I knew I was only a little girl when it started, but I could not stop feeling that it was all my fault . . . almost worse than the actual molesting is the guilt.

What About the Perpetrator?

Not only the victim, but the molester, too, can suffer because of incest. Often he feels shame and self-hatred, while all the time becoming more and more involved. A therapist told the Seattle Times: The problem is that were dealing with compulsive behavior. These men have conditioned themselves through repeated sexual daydreaming . . . to respond to young girls.

One molester said: I tried stopping it several times, and I told my stepdaughter that I had to stop because of what I was doing to the family. But he did not stop. Another said his incestuous relationship left him with permanent emotional scars.

Besides this, remember that in most lands incest is against the law, punishable by a possible prison sentence. Surely, if all these facts were kept in mind, fewer parents would allow themselves to fall into incestuous relationships.

Then Why Do They Do It?

Some adults who turn to incest are psychotic. Most are not, however. They may be apparently good family men, business or community leaders, even good churchgoers.

Why do such ordinary people commit incest? Loss of control due to alcohol has been involved. Sometimes, a man marries a woman who already has children. As his stepchildren get older, he may be tempted sexually.

Family problems can contribute. Hank Giarretto says: Usually its a man losing his job or going through a low-ebb period in his life. He and his wife become alienated. The father reaches out to his daughter, looking for closeness. She is open to him, loves him, thinks hes great. The first overtures are not sexual.

There may be additional causes. One incest victim told how pornographic literature was always present in the house. Giarretto adds: Its the sexual climate of our society which helps create the problem. We teach our girls to be Lolitas and sexual provocateurs from the time theyre 2.

An adult committing incest with a child betrays selfishness. He shows no concern at all for the welfare of the child. Yet, in a world that encourages us to do our own thing and promotes such perversions as child pornography, is it surprising that cases of incest are on the increase?

Can It Be Prevented?

It surely can, but it means that individuals must make a determined mental stand against the worsening moral climate of this world. For this, we can get no better advice than that found in the Bible. The apostle Paul tells us: Quit being fashioned after this system of things, but be transformed by making your mind over. (Rom. 12:2) To do this, we must avoid unclean books and entertainment and block from our minds the unclean influences to which we are constantly exposed. Thus, we avoid conditioning ourselves to wrong behavior.

One incest victim recommended teaching children at an early age that certain parts of their bodies are not for others to play with. This can be done in a loving way, perhaps using the story of Dinah, in the publication My Book of Bible Stories. Then, if anything resembling molestation should occur, the child can immediately tell mother or father. Remember, sexual molestation does not have to be intercourse. Fondling, touching, unwarranted intimacy or any sexual playing can cause great damage in later life.

Deep parental love is a true safeguard. Paul said: Love . . . does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests. (1 Cor. 13:4, 5) This unselfish love will surely prevent parents from allowing fleshly weaknesses to nudge them to do wrong acts toward their offspring. It will also help to prevent another problem. Sometimes, as children start to become young men or women, their parents, afraid of falling into incestuous relationships, become cold and distant. Of course, this, too, is harmful to the growing child.

Handling the Problem

Handling incest has not proved easy. It is a secret crime. Families often try to keep it hidden. Mothers who know that something is going on may turn a blind eye, afraid of disrupting the family. Children who report their parents may come under strong pressure to withdraw the complaint. Yet, in the experience of many specialists, children rarely lie about incest.

Some feel that prison is not always the answer for the molester. Hence, counseling centers have been set up where these families can be treated as a whole. Explaining what he thinks is very important in such treatment, Hank Giarretto says: [The father] must face the daughter and accept full responsibility for whatever happened. This may be difficult for the father to do; but it is a way he can try to undo some of the harm that has been done to the child.

Outsiders can help too. Many victims have testified how, through patient, considerate and selfless care, they were assisted to overcome the emotional confusion and start planning for the future. The scars may never completely disappear; but with persistence, they will at least recede into the background.

Another Source of Help

What, then, about the incest victim whose question appears at the beginning of this article? She was molested by her grandfather from the age of six until nine. She tried immorality, drugs and psychiatrists, but found in these no relief from her unhappiness.

Happily, there is help for such a person. However confused and down we may be, there is One who is raising up the lowly one from the very dust, and we can get to know him by means of the Bible. (Ps. 113:7) He can help even in the deepest depression, for he is the Father of tender mercies and the God of all comfort. (2 Cor. 1:3) It takes much prayer, study and discussion with mature people to replace the depressing, guilt-ridden thoughts in the mind with upbuilding ones. But it can be done. The following experience may help to demonstrate this.

A woman said that she was abused by her natural father from a very early age, and then by her stepfather. She sank into immorality, drug abuse and finally had an illegitimate child. But she says: There is a way out of incest, child-abuse, statutory rape, drugs and homosexuality. You may feel as though you cant live through these things with a completely sane mind, but you can if you have hope of something better to live for. I have that hope . . . I never fought back as a child. I only wish I had, but I was afraid, afraid no one would take care of me or want me. I was wrong, very wrong! Jehovah cares . . . and the elders at the local Kingdom Hall [of Jehovahs Witnesses] care too.

Whatever our past history, any of us can be washed clean, and sanctified from the standpoint of God. (1 Cor. 6:11) The Bible explains how. By the power of his Word and spirit, God can also remove our guilt feelings and provide escape even from emotional confusion. He can help us to live a satisfying life now, and give us confidence that, one day soon, we will live in a world where such things as incest will never happen again.

Awake! October 8th 1991 Issue:

The Innocent Victims of Child Abuse

"IM NEAR 40 now," says Eilene. "And even though my problem is over 30 years old, it still haunts me. The anger, the guilt, the problems in my marriage! People try to understand, but they just cant." Eilenes problem? She is a victim of childhood sexual abuse, and for her the effects have proved to be long lasting.

Eilene is far from alone. Surveys indicate that an alarming number of womenand menhave suffered such mistreatment. Far from being a rare act of deviant behavior, then, childhood sexual abuse is a widespread affliction, one that cuts across all social, economic, religious, and racial lines.

Fortunately, the vast majority of men and women would never even think of mistreating a child in this way. But a dangerous minority have this sick inclination. And contrary to stereotypes, few child abusers are drooling homicidal maniacs who lurk around playgrounds. The majority are persons who have cultivated a convincing veneer of normalcy. They satisfy their perverted lusts by targeting naive, trusting, defenseless childrenusually their own daughters. Publicly, they may treat them kindly, tenderly. Privately, they subject them to threats, violence, and humiliating, degrading forms of sexual assault.

Admittedly, it is difficult to comprehend that such horrors could take place in so many seemingly respectable homes. Even in Bible times, though, children were used "for the momentary gratification of . . . sensual passion." (The International Critical Commentary; compare Joel 3:3.) The Bible predicted: "But know this, that in the last days critical times hard to deal with will be here. For men will be lovers of themselves . . . having no natural affection . . . without self-control, fierce, without love of goodness." Therefore, it should not surprise us that child abuse is taking place on a large scale today.2 Timothy 3:1, 3, 13.

Childhood molestation may leave no physical scars. And not all adults who were victimized as children are visibly distressed. But as an ancient proverb observed: "Even in laughter the heart may be in pain." (Proverbs 14:13) Yes, many victims have deep emotional scarssecret wounds that fester inside. Why, though, does childhood molestation wreak such havoc in some? Why does not the passage of time alone always heal its wounds? The magnitude of this distressing problem demands that we address it. True, some of what follows may be unpleasant to readespecially so if you have been a victim of childhood abuse. But be assured that there is hope, that you can recover.

[Footnotes]

All names have been changed.

Because definitions of sexual abuse and survey methods vary greatly, accurate statistics are nearly impossible to obtain.

Most victims are molested by their biological fathers or their stepfathers. Abuse also takes place at the hands of older siblings, uncles, grandfathers, adult acquaintances, and strangers. Since the vast majority of victims are female, we will generally refer to them in the feminine gender. For the most part, though, the information presented herein applies to both sexes.

The Secret Wounds of Child Abuse

"I just hate myself. I keep thinking theres something I should have done, should have said to stop it. I just feel so dirty."Ann.

"I feel alienated from people. I often deal with feelings of hopelessness and despair. Sometimes I want to die."Jill.

"CHILDHOOD sexual abuse is . . . an overwhelming, damaging, and humiliating assault on a childs mind, soul, and body . . . The abuse invades every facet of ones existence." So says The Right to Innocence, by Beverly Engel.

Not all children react to abuse in the same way. Children have different personalities, coping skills, and emotional resources. Much also depends on the childs relationship to the abuser, the severity of the abuse, how long the abuse lasted, the childs age, and other factors. Furthermore, if the abuse is exposed and a child receives loving adult support, damage can often be minimized. However, many victims suffer deep emotional wounds.

Why It Devastates

The Bible offers insight into why such damage occurs. Ecclesiastes 7:7 observes: "Mere oppression may make a wise one act crazy." If this is true for an adult, imagine the effect of brutal oppression on a small childparticularly if the abuser is a trusted parent. After all, the first few years of life are critical to a childs emotional and spiritual development. (2 Timothy 3:15) It is during those tender years that a youngster begins developing moral boundaries and a sense of personal worth. By bonding to her parents, a child also learns the meaning of love and trust.Psalm 22:9.

"With abused children," explains Dr. J. Patrick Gannon, "this process of trust building gets derailed." The abuser betrays the childs trust; he robs her of any semblance of safety, privacy, or self-respect and uses her as a mere object for his own self-gratification. Small children do not understand the significance of the immoral acts being forced upon them, but almost universally they find the experience upsetting, frightening, humiliating.

Childhood abuse has thus been called "the ultimate betrayal." We are reminded of Jesus question: "Who is the man among you whom his son asks for breadhe will not hand him a stone, will he?" (Matthew 7:9) But the abuser gives a child, not love and affection, but the cruelest "stone" of allsexual assault.

Why the Wounds Persist

Proverbs 22:6 says: "Train up a boy according to the way for him; even when he grows old he will not turn aside from it." Clearly, parental influence can last a lifetime. What, though, if a child is trained to believe that she is powerless to prevent sexual intrusion? Trained to perform perversions in exchange for "love"? Trained to view herself as worthless and dirty? Could not that lead to a lifetime of destructive behavior? Not that childhood abuse excuses later inappropriate adult conduct, but it can help explain why abuse victims may tend to act or feel a certain way.

Many abuse victims suffer an array of symptoms, including depression. Some also seethe with persistent and at times overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame, and rage. Other victims may suffer emotional shutdown, an inability to express or even feel emotion. Low self-esteem and feelings of powerlessness also afflict many. Sally, who was abused by her uncle, recalls: "Each time he molested me I felt powerless and frozen, numb, stiff, confused. Why was this happening?" Reports psychologist Cynthia Tower: "Studies show that often people who were abused as children will carry through life a perception of themselves as a victim." They may marry an abusive man, project an air of vulnerability, or feel powerless to defend themselves when threatened.

Normally, children have 12 years or so to prepare for the emotions that awaken during puberty. But when lewd acts are forced upon a young child, she may be overwhelmed by the feelings aroused. As one study showed, this may later impede her ability to enjoy marital intimacies. Confesses a victim named Linda: "I find the sexual side of marriage to be the hardest thing in my life. I get the most dreadful sensation that it is my father there, and I get panicky." Other victims may react in just the opposite way and develop compulsive immoral desires. "I led a promiscuous life and would end up having sexual relations with complete strangers," admits Jill.

Abuse victims may also have difficulty in maintaining healthy relationships. Some simply cannot relate to men or to authority figures. Some will sabotage friendships and marriages by becoming abusive or controlling. Yet others tend to avoid close relationships entirely.

There are even victims who turn their destructive feelings on themselves. "I hated my body because it had responded to the stimulation of the abuse," admits Reba. Tragically, eating disorders, workaholism, alcohol and drug abuse, are common among abuse victimsdesperate attempts to bury their feelings. Some may also act out their self-hatred in more direct ways. "I have cut myself, dug my fingernails into my arms, burned myself," adds Reba. "I felt I deserved to be abused."

Do not jump to the conclusion, however, that anyone who feels or acts in such ways has necessarily been abused sexually. Other physical or emotional factors may be involved. For example, experts say that similar symptoms are common among adults raised in dysfunctional familieswhere their parents battered them, belittled and humiliated them, ignored their physical needs, or where the parents were drug or alcohol addicts.

Spiritual Damage

The most insidious effect of all that childhood abuse can wreak is the potential spiritual damage. Molestation is a "defilement of flesh and spirit." (2 Corinthians 7:1) By performing perverted acts on a child, by violating her physical and moral boundaries, by betraying her trust, an abuser contaminates a childs spirit, or dominant mental inclination. This can later impede the victims moral and spiritual growth.

The book Facing Codependence, by Pia Mellody, further notes: "Any serious abuse . . . is also spiritual abuse, because it taints the childs trust of a Higher Power." For example, a Christian woman named Ellen asks: "How can I think of Jehovah as a Father when I have this concept of a cruel, raging man for an earthly father?" Says another victim, named Terry: "I never related to Jehovah as a Father. As God, Lord, Sovereign, Creator, yes! But as Father, no!"

Such individuals are not necessarily spiritually weak or lacking in faith. On the contrary, their persistent efforts to follow Bible principles give evidence of spiritual strength! But imagine how some might feel when they read a Bible text such as Psalm 103:13, which says: "As a father shows mercy to his sons, Jehovah has shown mercy to those fearing him." Some may grasp this intellectually. Yet, without a healthy concept of what a father is, it may be hard for them to respond to this text emotionally!

Some may also find it difficult to be "like a young child" before Godvulnerable, humble, trusting. They may hold back their true feelings from God when praying. (Mark 10:15) They may hesitate to apply to themselves the words of David at Psalm 62:7, 8: "Upon God are my salvation and my glory. My strong rock, my refuge is in God. Trust in him at all times, O people. Before him pour out your heart. God is a refuge for us." Feelings of guilt and unworthiness may even undermine their faith. One victim said: "I believe in Jehovahs Kingdom very much. However, I dont really feel Im good enough to be there."

Of course, not all victims are affected the same way. Some have been drawn to Jehovah as a loving Father and feel no obstacle at all in relating to him. Whatever the case, if you are a victim of childhood sexual abuse, you may find it of great value to discern how it has affected your life. Some may be content to let matters rest. However, if it appears to you that the damage is significant, take heart. Your wounds can be healed.

[Footnotes]

Our discussion focuses on what the Bible calls pornei'a, or fornication. (1 Corinthians 6:9; compare Leviticus 18:6-22.) This includes all forms of immoral intercourse. Other abusive acts, such as exhibitionism, voyeurism, and exposure to pornography, while not pornei'a, may also damage a child emotionally.

Since children tend to trust adults, abuse by a trusted family member, older sibling, family friend, or even by a stranger also constitutes a devastating betrayal of trust.

See Awake! of December 22, 1990.

"A Time to Heal"

Ann was everyones shoulder to cry on; a rescuer of anyone with a problem. Poised and impeccable in appearance, she gave not even a hint of having secret emotional wounds, until one day she began to remember. "I was at work," recalls Ann, "and I started getting pains and intense feelings of shame. I could hardly stand up! For days I suffered. Then a memory came back of my stepfather molesting mereally, it was rape. And it was not the only time."

THERE is "a time to heal." (Ecclesiastes 3:3) And for many victims of childhood abuselike Annthe emergence of long-buried memories is an important part of the healing process.

How, though, could anyone forget something as traumatic as sexual assault? Consider how helpless a child is against the advances of a father or of some other powerful adult. She cannot run. She dare not scream. And she dare not tellanyone! Yet, she may have to face her abuser every day and act as if nothing happened. Maintaining such a pretense would be difficult for an adult; it is nearly impossible for a child. So she uses the tremendous imagination with which children are endowed and escapes mentally! She pretends the abuse didnt happen, blanking it out or numbing her senses to it.

Actually, from time to time, all of us block out things we dont want to see or hear. (Compare Jeremiah 5:21.) But abuse victims use this ability as a tool of survival. Some victims report: "I pretended it was happening to someone else and I was just a spectator." "I pretended I was asleep." "I did my math problems in my head."Strong at the Broken Places, by Linda T. Sanford.

Not surprisingly, then, the book Surviving Child Sexual Abuse claims: "It is estimated that up to 50 per cent of survivors of child sexual abuse are not aware of these experiences." Some, though, may recall the abuse itself but block out the feelings connected with itthe pain, the rage, the shame.

RepressionTug-of-War in the Mind

Is it not best, then, that these things stay buriedthat victims simply forget about them? Some may well choose to do so. Others simply cannot. It is as Job 9:27, 28 says: "If I smile and try to forget my pain, all my suffering comes back to haunt me." (Todays English Version) The repression of frightening memories is an exhausting mental effort, a ferocious game of tug-of-war that may even have serious health consequences.

As a victim gets older, the pressures of life often weaken her ability to repress the past. A whiff of cologne, a familiar-looking face, a startling sound, or even an examination by a doctor or a dentist may trigger a frightening onslaught of memories and feelings. Should she not simply try harder to forget? At this point many victims find relief in trying to remember! Says a woman named Jill: Once the memories are brought out, they lose their power. To keep them in is more painful and dangerous than to dispose of them.

The Value of Acknowledging

Why so? For one thing, remembering allows a victim to grieve. Grief is a natural reaction to trauma; it helps us to put distressing events behind us. (Ecclesiastes 3:4; 7:1-3) An abuse victim, though, has been denied her grief, forced to deny her horrifying experience, made to bottle up her pain. Such repression may result in what doctors call posttraumatic stress disordera numbed state virtually devoid of emotion.Compare Psalm 143:3, 4.

As memories begin to return, the victim may virtually relive the abuse. Some victims even temporarily regress to a childlike state. "When a flashback is in progress," recalls Jill, "I often have physical symptoms. Sometimes the memories are so oppressive, I feel I am being driven to madness." Long-suppressed childhood rage may now come tumbling forth. "Remembering plunges me into depression and anger," says Sheila. But under these unique circumstances, anger is appropriate. You are grieving, expressing pent-up righteous rage! You have a right to hate the wicked acts perpetrated against you.Romans 12:9.

Says one abuse victim: "When I was able to really remember, I had a great sense of relief . . . At least now I knew what I was dealing with. As difficult as it was on me to remember, it did give me back a part of my life that had become scary because it was so unknown and mysterious."The Right to Innocence.

Remembering may also help a victim to get to the root of some of her problems. "I always knew I had deep self-hatred and anger but didnt know why," says one victim of incest. Remembering helps many to realize that what happened was not their fault, that they were victimized.

Of course, not all remember their abuse as dramatically or as vividly as others. And most counselors agree that it is not necessary to recall every detail of ones abuse in order to heal from its effects. Simply acknowledging that abuse occurred can be a big step toward recovery.See box on page 9.

Getting Support

If you are a victim of childhood sexual abuse, do not ride out the storm of returning memories by yourself. It helps to talk out your feelings. (Compare Job 10:1; 32:20.) Some who are extremely distressed may decide to seek the help of a qualified physician, counselor, or mental-health professional. In any case, a trusted friend, a marriage mate, family members, or Christian overseers who will listen with empathy and respect can also be valuable allies. "My biggest help has been my best friend, Julie," says Janet. "Shes allowed me to talk over and over again about a memory. She allows me to feel the emotions that result. She listens and responds with understanding."

Trust is a risky business, and you may feel unworthy of receiving someones helpor be too ashamed to talk about your abuse. But a true friend is "born for when there is distress" and may very well rise to the occasion if you give him or her a chance. (Proverbs 17:17) Be selective, though, about whom you confide in. Learn to reveal your concerns gradually. If a friend proves to be sympathetic and discreet, then you might try disclosing more.

It also helps to take good care of yourself physically. Get sufficient rest. Exercise moderately. Maintain a healthy diet. If possible, simplify your life. Feel free to weep. The pain may seem never ending, but in time it will subside. Remember: You lived through the abuse as a helpless childand survived! As an adult, you have resources and strengths you didnt have back then. (Compare 1 Corinthians 13:11.) So face your painful memories and put them to rest. Rely on God for strength. Said the psalmist: "However great the anxiety of my heart, your consolations soothe me."Psalm 94:19, The New Jerusalem Bible.

Getting Rid of the Guilt and Shame

Ending self-blame is another important task of recovery. "Even now its hard for me to think I was innocent," says a victim named Reba. "I wonder, why didnt I stop him?"

Bear in mind, though, that abusers employ the most diabolic means of coercion: authority (Im your father!), threats (Ill kill you if you tell!), brute physical force and even guilt (If you tell, Daddy will go to jail.). Conversely, some use gentle persuasion or gifts and favors. Some misrepresent sexual activities as a game or as parental affection. "He said that this is what people do when they love each other," recalls one victim. How could a little child resist such emotional blackmail and trickery? (Compare Ephesians 4:14.) Yes, the abuser coldly exploits the fact that children are helpless, vulnerable, "babes as to badness."1 Corinthians 14:20.

Perhaps, then, you need to remind yourself just how vulnerable and helpless you were as a child. You might try spending time with some small children or looking at childhood pictures of yourself. Supportive friends can also help by constantly reminding you that the abuse was not your fault.

Still, one woman says: "I get sick when I remember the feelings my father aroused in me." Some victims (58 percent in one study) recall experiencing arousal during the molestation. Understandably, this causes them much shame. The book Surviving Child Sexual Abuse reminds us, however, that "physical arousal [is] simply the bodys automatic [response] to being touched or stimulated in certain ways" and that a child has "no control over this arousal." The abuser alone thus bears full responsibility for what transpired. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!

Take comfort, too, in knowing that God views you as "blameless and innocent" in the matter. (Philippians 2:15) In time any urge to engage in self-destructive behavior may diminish, and you can learn to cherish your own flesh.Compare Ephesians 5:29.

Coming to Terms With Your Parents

This may prove to be one of the most difficult tasks of recovery. Some continue to be filled with anger, fantasies of revengeor guilt. One abuse victim said: "I am depressed because I think Jehovah expects me to forgive my molester, and I cant." On the other hand, you may live in morbid fear of your abuser. Or you may have hostile feelings toward your mother if she closed her eyes to the abuse or reacted with denial or anger when abuse was revealed. "My mother told me that Id have to make allowances for [my father]," recalls one woman bitterly.

It is only natural to feel angry when one has suffered abuse. Nevertheless, the ties that bind families can be strong, and you may not want to cut off all contact with your parents. You may even be willing to consider a reconciliation. Much, though, would depend on the circumstances. Victims are sometimes inclined to forgive their parents outrightnot excusing the abuse, but refusing to be consumed with resentment or controlled by fear. Preferring to avoid an emotional confrontation, some are content to have their say in their heart and let matters rest.Psalm 4:4.

You may come to feel, however, that matters can be resolved only by confronting your parents with the abusein person, by phone, or by letter. (Compare Matthew 18:15.) If so, be sure you have recovered sufficientlyor at least have enough supportto withstand the emotional storm that might erupt. Since little will be accomplished by a shouting match, try to be firm but calm. (Proverbs 29:11) You might proceed by stating (1) what took place, (2) how it has affected you, and (3) what you expect from them now (such as apologies, payment for doctor bills, or changes in conduct). At the very least, bringing matters out in the open may help dispel any lingering feelings that you are powerless. And it just might pave the way for a new relationship with your parents.

For example, your father might acknowledge the abuse, expressing deep remorse. He may also have made sincere efforts to change, perhaps by getting treatment for alcohol addiction or by pursuing a study of the Bible. Your mother may likewise beg your forgiveness for her having failed to protect you. Sometimes a full reconciliation may result. However, do not be surprised if you still feel ambivalent about your parents and prefer not to rush into a close relationship with them. At the very least, though, you may be able to resume reasonable family dealings.

On the other hand, the confrontation may trigger a torrent of denial and verbal abuse from the molester and other family members. Worse, you may discover that he is still a threat to you. Forgiveness may then be inappropriate, a close relationship impossible.Compare Psalm 139:21.

In any event, it may take considerable time before your hurt feelings subside. You may need to remind yourself repeatedly that final justice belongs to God. (Romans 12:19) Talking things over with a supportive listener or even expressing your feelings in writing may likewise help you work out your anger. With Gods help you can work through your anger. With the passage of time, hurtful feelings will no longer dominate your thinking.Compare Psalm 119:133.

A Spiritual Recovery

Space does not permit us to discuss all the emotional, behavioral, and spiritual issues involved. Suffice it to say that you can do much to facilitate your recovery by "making your mind over" with the help of Gods Word. (Romans 12:2) Stretch forward to the things ahead, filling your life with spiritual thoughts and activity.Philippians 3:13; 4:8, 9.

For example, many abuse victims find much comfort simply by reading through the Psalms. Even greater benefits come, though, by diligently applying Bible principles. In time marital stress can ease. (Ephesians 5:21-33) Destructive behavior can cease. (1 Corinthians 6:9-11) Unhealthy sexual feelings can heal. (Proverbs 5:15-20; 1 Corinthians 7:1-5) You can also learn balance in your personal relationships and build solid moral boundaries.Philippians 2:4; 1 Thessalonians 4:11.

Make no mistake: Recovery requires real determination and supreme effort! Psalm 126:5, though, assures us: "Those sowing seed with tears will reap even with a joyful cry." Remember, too, that the true God, Jehovah, is interested in your welfare. He is "near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves." (Psalm 34:18) Says one abuse victim: "When I finally realized that Jehovah was aware of every feeling I had and that he caredreally caredthen I finally felt peace inside."

Our loving God, Jehovah, offers even more than peace of mind. He promises a new world of righteousness, where he will wipe out every memory of childhood pain. (Revelation 21:3, 4; see also Isaiah 65:17.) This hope can sustain and strengthen you as you travel the road toward full recovery.

[Footnotes]

Some memories begin their emergence in the form of psychosomatic pains; others are in the form of hallucinations that may be mistaken for demonic activityintruder sounds, such as doors opening; shadowy figures that move by doorways and windows; the feeling of an invisible presence in bed. Such distress generally ceases when the memories fully emerge.

Valuable information on helping abuse victims is found on pages 27-31 in the October 1, 1983, issue of our companion journal, The Watchtower. We recommend that all congregation elders refer back to that issue and pay careful attention to any cases referred to them.

[Box on Page 9]

Ways to Recover

Remembering and acknowledging the abuse

Grieving over the abuse

Talking out ones feelings with a supportive listener

Overcoming feelings of guilt and shame

Coming to terms with ones parents

Applying Bible principles to change destructive behavior

Healing unhealthy sexual feelings

Developing healthy personal and moral boundaries

Developing a close relationship with God and fellow Christians

[Box on Page 10]

Releasing the Past

Memories are usually released over a period of weeks, months, or years, each emerging memory bringing on a temporary crisis. The Right to Innocence says that at times "you may feel like you are backsliding. You arent. You are getting better. In actuality, you have gained the strength necessary to face deeper, even more painful feelings and awarenesses." With good reason, though, recovering may temporarily become a persons all-consuming concern.Proverbs 18:14.

Some victims find it beneficial to read or hear the expressions of other victims. Looking at family photos and childhood memorabilia, visiting childhood sites, and talking to supportive friends and family members may also stir up memories. Particularly effective are writing exercises. Some victims record all they remember of their trauma in a journal. Others pour out their feelings in a letter to their abuserone that is not sentwhich often triggers further memories. Prayer too is a powerful tool of recovery. Like the psalmist you can pray: "Examine me, and know my disquieting thoughts, and see whether there is in me any painful way, and lead me in the way of time indefinite."Psalm 139:23, 24.

[Picture on Page 8]