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NICE GUYS FINISH LAST??

Do nice guys finish last at work, too? A recent study published in the Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology says yes. Dr. Nikos Bozionelos of the University of Sheffield in England researched personality and career success and found that white-collar workers who were the most agreeable, conscientious and sensitive to the needs of others were less likely to be promoted.

Bozionelos believes it's because they don't put their own needs first: "Agreeable people tend to self-sacrifice and compromise their own interests to make others happy." And because "nice" people do things just to please others, they often are given low-profile tasks no one else wants and wind up doing activities that don't enhance their careers.

Because American culture celebrates forcefulness -- even aggression, researcher and author Gary Namie says the altruistic have it just as rough here in the United States, where, "Nice gets you in trouble. Nice gets you exploited."

Author and executive coach Dr. Lois Frankel says there are a number of ways nice people undermine themselves. Here are five of the most common, along with tips for (pleasantly) breaking the cycle:

1. You Let Others' Mistakes Inconvenience You

Before rearranging your life to correct someone else's mistake, assess the risk versus the reward of meeting unreasonable expectations. At times you'll have no choice but to jump in to put out the fire. But there will also be times when you have the latitude to push back and say, "This isn't what we originally discussed and agreed to. Since I'll have to rethink the plan and put more time into it than anticipated, I won't be able to have it completed by the initially proposed deadline." Let the person know you want to provide the best service possible -- and ask for the time and resources needed.

2. You Let Others Take Credit For Your Ideas

Ever suggest an idea that seemed to fall flat, only to find out later it was implemented and someone else got the credit? To avoid having others steal your ideas, make sure you state them loudly and confidently or put them in writing. If you're at a meeting and someone proposes the same thing you've previously suggested, call attention to it by saying, "Sounds like you're building on my original suggestion, and I would certainly support that."

3. You Apologize Unnecessarily

Save your apologies for big-time bloopers. When you do make a mistake worth apologizing for, apologize only once, then move into problem-solving mode. Objectively assess what went wrong and ways to fix it. Always begin from a place of equality, for example: "Based on the information initially provided to me, I had no idea that was your expectation. Tell me more about what you had in mind and I'll make the necessary revisions."

4. You Work Without Breaks

Use your vacation days; take your lunch. Working non-stop can make you appear flustered, inefficient and incompetent. It also makes you less productive. To maintain maximum levels of concentration and accuracy, experts suggest you take a break every 90 minutes.

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tijkmo

NICE GUYS FINISH LAST?? posted Sun, 01 May 2005 09:57:00 GMT (5/1/2005)

Scotland, Glasgow

Post 607 of 4730
Since 3/17/2005

Do you think this applies to nice elders too

Five Reasons Why Nice Guys Finish Last At Work

Kate Lorenz, CareerBuilder.com Editor

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5. You Do Others' Work For Them

Recognize when people delegate inappropriately to you and avoid the inclination to solve everyone's problems for them. Practice saying unapologetically, "I'd love to help you out with this, but I'm swamped." Then stop talking.

Of course being nice is not all bad. Dr. Bozionelos points out that it can be of great advantage as long as you are aware of and able to adjust your natural tendencies to undervalue yourself and compromise your personal interests.

As Dr. Frankel puts it, "When all is said and done, do you really want written on your tombstone: "She Always Put the Needs of the Company Ahead of Her Own?"

Lois P. Frankel, Ph.D. is president of Corporate Coaching International. She is the author of several books, including "Overcoming Your Strengths" and "Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office: 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers."

Kate Lorenz is the article and advice editor for CareerBuilder.com. She researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues. Other writers contributed to this article.

Mac Re: NICE GUYS FINISH LAST?? posted Sun, 01 May 2005 10:09:00 GMT (5/1/2005)

Post 2955 of 3171
Since 5/13/2002

I won't accept that...not on the grand scale.

dh Re: NICE GUYS FINISH LAST?? posted Sun, 01 May 2005 10:14:00 GMT (5/1/2005)

Post 1617 of 1939
Since 12/21/2003

treat them mean, keep them keen.

MerryMagdalene Re: NICE GUYS FINISH LAST?? posted Sun, 01 May 2005 15:34:00 GMT (5/1/2005)

Idaho

Post 788 of 2646
Since 8/19/2004

Not that I would know anything about this firsthand (being a grrl and all) but those 5 "nice guy" traits seem to fit to a t my grandfather and my uncles who were elders and who sometimes were so burnt out and frazzled I felt really bad for them. Would have been nice if they had had some pointers like these to help them...

~Merry

Mecurious? Re: NICE GUYS FINISH LAST?? posted Mon, 02 May 2005 00:09:00 GMT (5/2/2005)

Texas

Post 618 of 994
Since 3/19/2003

Intresting post!

Aude_Sapere Re: NICE GUYS FINISH LAST?? posted Mon, 02 May 2005 04:23:00 GMT (5/2/2005)

California

Post 578 of 1112
Since 11/30/2004

I wish you had shared that with me about 15 years ago and made me follow it.

It's great to read tonight though. Tomorrow starts a new work week and i will remember to take my breaks. (I usually work thru lunch. - BAD habit)

-Aude.

love11 Re: Re: NICE GUYS FINISH LAST?? posted Mon, 02 May 2005 05:31:00 GMT (5/2/2005)

Post 547 of 971
Since 3/15/2005

This was great!

I think this is more about not letting people walk all over you, instead of being mean to people. Good thread!

El blanko Re: NICE GUYS FINISH LAST?? posted Mon, 02 May 2005 11:29:00 GMT (5/2/2005)

England, West Midlands

Post 704 of 757
Since 1/7/2004

When the "gun-slinger" strolls into the bar, all the girls heads turn

The "nice guy" sits in the corner reading Plato's republic.

love11 Re: Re: NICE GUYS FINISH LAST?? posted Mon, 02 May 2005 11:55:00 GMT (5/2/2005)

Post 549 of 971
Since 3/15/2005

blanko- I would choose the reader over the gun slinger any day.

LongHairGal Re: NICE GUYS FINISH LAST?? posted Mon, 02 May 2005 15:09:00 GMT (5/2/2005)

Post 194 of 1976
Since 3/11/2005

Sadly, I would have to agree considering today's work ethic and morals. I know there are exceptions to the rule and you will read a wonderful story in the newspaper now and then about some hero who does something noteworthy and gets recognition for it.

There was a time a nice guy would be appreciated, but that was long ago when people were god-fearing and had a conscience. Now, a nice guy (or gal) has to watch his/her rear. I think people have contempt for the nice easy-going guy. They secretly think you are a shithead! This rule applies in the religion and out of the religion. There is always somebody looking to take advantage of your "niceness". In fact, aren't there books on the market designed to help people to get-over on and influence other people? The dubs just love when you are nice or easy-going. Then they know they have a live one!

iiz2cool Re: NICE GUYS FINISH LAST?? posted Mon, 02 May 2005 15:34:00 GMT (5/2/2005)

Post 2982 of 3021
Since 5/12/2003

I think people have contempt for the nice easy-going guy. They secretly think you are a shithead!

Having been on the receiving end of this for most of my life, I have to agree. There is no benefit in being "nice" to people. You end up losing your resources, losing the respect of others, and eventually your own self respect. I've helped a number of people in my life, sometimes at great cost to myself. I can guarantee that, if I died today, not one would attend my funeral. Without exception, they all took what they could get and moved on.

Walter

talesin Re: NICE GUYS FINISH LAST?? posted Mon, 02 May 2005 15:56:00 GMT (5/2/2005)

Post 4396 of 7070
Since 6/24/2003

This may all be true (yes, sadly it is), but I choose not to give up my ideals. I maintain that one can be a 'nice' person, yet still not be a carpet. It can be a fine line to walk, that is true. Occasionally, I am too soft; at other times, I can be a right-on bitch!

It's hard to be a 'nice-guy', because when you decide to speak up, everyone is so damn shocked. They would not be surprised if "A" said it, because "A" is always opinionated. But when "B" speaks up and tells you where it's at ("B" being the nice-guy), you put him down because your expectation is that he is supposed to always be nice, and never have a strong opinion. OMG, "B" said that??? You know what I mean ...

Although I have lost promotions because I choose not to be a back-stabbing, Machiavellian type of person, I feel really good about my behaviours both in business and personal life. Yes, I have made mistakes, and hurt people. Of course, I am human. But there is a difference between an honest mistake, and calculated nasty behaviour.

For several years, I have been unwell, and many folks have been very kind to me. I have received support from the most unexpected places over the past few years. "Out of the Blue" at times, so to speak. Maybe I lost out in the past a couple of times due to being a nice-guy, but the universe has repaid me many times over in my times of need.

Why change into something we do not want to be because of the mainstream? Do we really want to be good little corporate robots so that we can win the GAME? You know, the one that says "He who has the most toys when he dies, wins." ... it's just so pointless. I would rather have lots of people that love me, than lots of money.

(Although money is nice, too! Luxuries are fun, they are just not worth more than my personal ethics.)

Oh, and as for the good boy/bad boy thing. You guys just tell me that some nasty, plastic woman that steps out of the pages of Penthouse and has lots of flash to take you on the town isn't gonna make you come running/panting? Yah, you're gonna choose the plain, fleshy, quiet girl. SURE SURE

uh, huh

heheh GOTCHA!!!

tal

LongHairGal Re: NICE GUYS FINISH LAST?? posted Mon, 02 May 2005 16:02:00 GMT (5/2/2005)

Post 196 of 1976
Since 3/11/2005

Walter:

I feel sad that you were so hurt. I hope some good comes to you in life for all the good you did for others!

Unfortunately, the dubs wanted us to let our guard down and so it was easy for us to be taken advantage of. Why, they also told us to "widen out" too! Never mind that you might be widening out to a con artist!!

It made me bitter to see people I know being taken advantage of over and over again because they thought they had to do this to be christian!

love11 Re: Re: NICE GUYS FINISH LAST?? posted Mon, 02 May 2005 20:04:00 GMT (5/2/2005)

Post 553 of 971
Since 3/15/2005

Hey Walter,

I know probably everyone in your past has dissed you, but things are changing. We all enjoy your posts and this board wouldn't be the same without you. So you can't say that anymore. Don't you go dieing without us knowing about it, you here?!!!!! hehe Do I have a sick sense of humor?!!

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