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Some funny/curious quotes from the 2013 Yearbook (part 1)

    cedars posted Thu, 27 Dec 2012 21:27:13 GMT(12/27/2012)

    Post 5004 of 5837
    Joined 8/7/2011

    Hi everyone

    I just thought I'd amuse myself by seeing what madness awaits in the new 2013 Yearbook.

    You might like to read some of the gems I've uncovered...

    "True Christians are soon to cross into the promised new world, so they need to be courageous and strong." (page 2)

    How soon are we talking about? Are we talking "soon" soon, or "the generation that saw the events of 1914 will live to see Armageddon" soon?

    "Whatever situation you may face, be assured that if you are courageous, strong, and faithful, Jehovah will be with you to make you victorious." (page 2)

    WHATEVER situation? What happened to time and unforeseen occurrence befall us all? Can I be victorious in surviving a plane crash if I am courageous, strong and faithful?

    "Happily, Jehovah does not force us to serve him. He is not a dictator. He wants us to serve him out of love from our heart." (Letter from the Governing Body, page 4)

    I'm glad you've clarified that point for me guys. My Dad threatening to shun me if I leave the organization must just have been a misunderstanding.

    "Within the Christian congregation, we clearly understand the matter of free will. While elders are authorized to counsel and even to discipline, they do not seek to dominate or to control the life or faith of others. (Letter from the Governing Body, page 5)

    No, they leave that job to the Governing Body.

    "How satisfying it is to do something because we want to do it instead of being forced to do it!" (Letter from the Governing Body, page 6)

    Yes, that would be satisfying.

    "We love you all very much." (Final words of the Letter from the Governing Body, page 7)

    Those are touching sentiments, but it would mean so much more if you guys weren't encouraging my family to shun me if I left your religion.

    "Because of the [branch] mergers, brothers who had been serving in small branches can now concentrate on preaching the good news." (page 12)

    If the branch mergers are supposed to reduce the size of the bethel families and free up people to preach, why is there over one thousand extra bethelites reported for 2012?

    "Beginning with the January 2013 issues, Awake! and the public edition of The Watchtower were reduced from 32 pages to 16 pages. Because the magazines contain less material, translation teams will be able to make them available in more languages." (pages 17,18)

    Stoopid translation teams not translating fast enough. Now we need to halve the pages in our public magazines to compensate for their laziness!!

    "On Sunday, June 3, 2012, there was a tragic air disaster in Nigeria. A plane carrying 153 persons crashed in a crowded suburb of Lagos, Nigeria’s largest city, killing all on board and an unknown number on the ground. Collins Eweh and his family lived on the top floor of the three-story apartment building that was hit by the plane.When the accident occurred, the family was attending a congregation meeting at the Kingdom Hall." (page 29)

    153 people die in a plane crash, but (hold the front page) a family of Jehovah's Witnesses survived by not being in the building the plane crashed into. I do love happy endings.

    On a serious note - remember to attend meetings folks! Failure to attend may lead to death in a plane accident.

    "We have truly seen Jehovah’s hand in our case. I am very happy." (page 30)

    ...said the Daddy of the family who survived the plane crash. It is reassuring to know that their survival was thanks to "Jehovah's hand."

    “I’m so happy to see my son get baptized as a man.” (The happy ending to an article entitled "A Transvestite Makes Changes," pages 57,58)

    He made one change too many if you ask me.

    "To encourage him, the brother studying with him opened the Bible and explained in sign language: 'Your name, Samuel, is in the Bible. The Samuel in the Bible served the true God, Jehovah, until he was very old. You too can faithfully obey Jehovah.'" (From the amusingly entitled article "A Cult Member Finds the Truth," page 60)

    So what if your name is Judas?

    "When Nihad greeted him, the man said: “Excuse me, I noticed a magazine in your car with the title, ‘How to Be a Good Father.’ I would really like to have a copy." (From an article entitled "The Title Intrigued Him," page 65)

    Nihad is clearly very easily intrigued.

    “I couldn’t put the chocolate in the contribution box, so I ate it,” (From an article entitled "No Chocolate for the Contribution Box," page 67)

    You clearly gave up too easily.

    "How heartwarming to know that even on remote islands where there is no television, radio, newspaper, or Internet, our literature is helping people to learn the truth in their mother tongue!" (page 76)

    Yes, getting pulled into a cult in an internet-free zone. What are the chances of that happening?

    Cedars

    M undercover posted Thu, 27 Dec 2012 21:40:12 GMT(12/27/2012)

    Post 13679 of 13132
    Joined 9/25/2002

    "A Cult Member Finds the Truth"

    Someone was reading JWFacts.com and they reported on it in the Yearbook?

    Seriously... someone needs to cut and paste that entire article.

    Quendi posted Thu, 27 Dec 2012 21:48:23 GMT(12/27/2012)

    Post 1339 of 1842
    Joined 1/13/2011

    I admire your fortitude in reading WTS literature, cedars. I can no longer even look at their publications let alone open and read them. The quotes you shared only reinforced my feelings. The quaint and misleading answers given to the situations and challenges people face make my blood boil. The example of the transgendered man especially troubled me. This poor fellow will soon learn that he will find no peace, no acceptance and no love among Jehovah’s Witnesses. He would have been better off to have never studied with them in the first place. As for the Nigerian family, while we can all be glad none of them was injured or killed, one can only wonder what the WTS would have said if the plane had crashed into the building where the Witnesses were meeting. More than likely, that tragedy would have been given no mention in the literature at all. Ah well! I rejoice that I’m out and will never go back.

    Quendi

    whathappened posted Thu, 27 Dec 2012 21:59:27 GMT(12/27/2012)

    Post 626 of 2050
    Joined 12/22/2010

    Love your comments, Cedar. Keep reading and let us know what else you find facinating about the new 2013 Yearbook of Jehovah's Witnesses.

    (I used to hate reading them while I was in, now they are like comic books.)

    M undercover posted Thu, 27 Dec 2012 22:05:11 GMT(12/27/2012)

    Post 13680 of 13132
    Joined 9/25/2002

    Found it. It's downloadable on JW.org My, how Jehovah's chariot is speeding up the work in these last days...

    Anyway... Page 174 thru 176 - an article entitled "One Hundred Years Ago 1913"

    Quote on page 176: "Jehovah's people were also optimistic but for different reasons. The Bible Students had long heralded 1914 as a pivotal year in human history, and their expectations ran high." Further down a couple of paragraphs: "What was in store for 1914? How would the 'Photo-Drama (of Creation) be received? What would happen in the fall, at the end of the Gentile Times? The Bible Students eagerly awaited the answers to these questions, confident of Jehovah's backing. ... The next year was to be one of great change for the Bible Students-and the entire world." End of article.

    Wait... What? What was pivotal about 1914? What was in store for 1914? What did happen in the fall at the end of the Gentile Times? What was the great change?

    Tune in next year, same batshit channel, same batshit publication, to see what new batshit revisionist history they come up with to deflect what really happened in 1914, yet try to convince 2014 dubs that the WTS was on top of their game a hundred years ago.

    cobaltcupcake posted Thu, 27 Dec 2012 22:06:17 GMT(12/27/2012)

    Post 602 of 1252
    Joined 6/8/2012

    Thank you, Cedars! I can't read that drivel anymore, but you brought out some great points!

    sd-7 posted Thu, 27 Dec 2012 22:09:59 GMT(12/27/2012)

    Post 2839 of 3716
    Joined 7/31/2009

    Happily, Jehovah does not force us to serve him. He is not a dictator.

    Ah. So that would explain the whole Armageddon thing. It's just a loving readjustment of mankind's population!

    --sd-7

    cedars posted Thu, 27 Dec 2012 22:16:45 GMT(12/27/2012)

    Post 5005 of 5837
    Joined 8/7/2011

    Thanks everyone!

    "We have truly seen Jehovah’s hand in our case. I am very happy." (page 30)

    I'm wondering what the relatives of the 153 people who died in the plane crash would make of the JW-version of this tragedy. Do they feel they have seen "Jehovah's hand?"

    Cedars

    Witness My Fury posted Thu, 27 Dec 2012 22:23:11 GMT(12/27/2012)

    Post 1570 of 2644
    Joined 5/11/2010

    Big J says "Armageddon is coming", ....then much later says "Ah, only kidding! Now please LOL about it or I will send my angel of death against you."

    M undercover posted Thu, 27 Dec 2012 22:24:31 GMT(12/27/2012)

    Post 13681 of 13132
    Joined 9/25/2002

    I'm wondering what the relatives of the 153 people who died in the plane crash would make of the JW-version of this tragedy.

    I'm wondering what the family and friends of the JW girl raped and killed by a fellow JW makes of how Jehovah truly had his hand in this tragedy, saving the family, yet lifted not a finger to help this poor girl in her tragedy...

    I've already gone off on a couple of people who have pulled the "Jah/God/Allah was with me/them/us/whoever" mentality. Whether it's JWs, or any other religion, that is about the most insensitive and stupid thing anyone can say after a tragedy.

    WTWizard posted Thu, 27 Dec 2012 22:49:53 GMT(12/27/2012)

    Post 14088 of 14857
    Joined 5/10/2007

    For sure, they want people to believe that failure to attend boasting sessions results in your dying in a plane crash. Which happened in Nigeria, where corruption and scams dominate (and things are generally far from safe). The plane could just as easily have gone down onto the Kingdumb Hell.

    What that doesn't mention is a recent bus accident where some witlesses on their way to a big boasting session died in a bus crash. Those who missed the boasting session were not involved in that accident. Or, how many witlesses die en route to the boasting session or while out in field circus because they get into accidents on their way. How many die as a result of injuries sustained while out in field circus? Particularly, things like falls, householders that are forced to physically defend themselves against a scam, dog bites, and getting hit with a car while crossing the street to start their time. Many get diseases (diabetes, heart disease, cancer) because of the ongoing stress of attending boasting sessions and field circus, and die. Which causes more suffering than the plane crash would have.

    GromitSK posted Thu, 27 Dec 2012 23:09:56 GMT(12/27/2012)

    Post 727 of 1079
    Joined 3/28/2009

    Very funny lol

    sd-7 posted Thu, 27 Dec 2012 23:27:59 GMT(12/27/2012)

    Post 2843 of 3716
    Joined 7/31/2009
    I'm wondering what the relatives of the 153 people who died in the plane crash would make of the JW-version of this tragedy. Do they feel they have seen "Jehovah's hand?"

    Yes, in the form of either a backhand (ie. 'pimp slap') or a middle finger shoved way up an orifice divinely chosen for that purpose.

    --sd-7

    wasblind posted Thu, 27 Dec 2012 23:36:08 GMT(12/27/2012)

    Post 7095 of 9409
    Joined 6/13/2010

    Tune in next year, same batshit channel, same batshit publication, to see what new batshit revisionist history they come up with to deflect what really happened in 1914______UNDERCOVER

    BATMAN !!!!!

    breakfast of champions posted Thu, 27 Dec 2012 23:58:03 GMT(12/27/2012)

    Post 2750 of 3867
    Joined 5/30/2011

    The governing body "letter" in this new yearbook is just. . . .

    I don't know. . .

    Absolutely fuckin' bizarre!

    ThisFellowCheap posted Fri, 28 Dec 2012 16:50:34 GMT(12/28/2012)

    Post 12 of 97
    Joined 9/27/2012

    20 JWs died in a bus accident enroute to the convention recently here in Nigeria. Yes, Jehovah's hand was definitely seen in it- they were already running late for the convention. So Big Jay says, "You guys are going to my place late right? I'm gonna show ya what it means to be late." Now they are all late! LOL And they(WTS) were even late about the air crash stuff anyways, because another church here in Nigeria already used that pitch with one of its members, and they got a mighty shoutdown for it. Also, a married man that was supposed to be on board survived because he went to an hotel room instead with a lover, he did see Jah's hand in it, because he went for Thanksgiving afterwards. Wrong man, if you want to thank Jehovah, you go to the bloody Kindumb Hell, not a church!

    Balaamsass posted Fri, 28 Dec 2012 17:08:23 GMT(12/28/2012)

    Post 1418 of 1895
    Joined 10/30/2011

    I guess all those people on the buses going to conventions were not as blessed as the family going to the meeting????

    Out thanks to Blondie, Cedars and everyone else who can stomach taking the time to read through all that stuff for gems. AND those who can actually sit through a meeting long enough to report news. I can't do it anymore. My favorite chair and a cocktail harken to me now at 7:30 pm.

    Hats off.

    pixel posted Fri, 28 Dec 2012 17:14:56 GMT(12/28/2012)

    Post 106 of 728
    Joined 7/21/2006

    "We have truly seen Jehovah’s hand in our case. I am very happy." (page 30)

    This is disgusting and selfish.

    cobaltcupcake posted Fri, 28 Dec 2012 17:22:13 GMT(12/28/2012)

    Post 610 of 1252
    Joined 6/8/2012

    For sure, they want people to believe that failure to attend boasting sessions results in your dying in a plane crash. Which happened in Nigeria, where corruption and scams dominate (and things are generally far from safe). The plane could just as easily have gone down onto the Kingdumb Hell

    How many of these stories have we heard over the years? What about that KH bombing in Australia years ago? In that instance it would have been better to have been lolling on the couch watching TV at home.

    therevealer posted Fri, 28 Dec 2012 17:48:11 GMT(12/28/2012)

    Post 1108 of 1086
    Joined 10/25/2010

    And also page 29/30 air disaster "At about 3:35 p.m., during the Watchtower Study, Collins and his wife, Chinyere, noticed several calls
    on their cell phones, which they did not answer . As soon as the meeting finished, Chinyere answered her phone.

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