I don't like "taking the lead"

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    I Want to Believe posted Mon, 27 Feb 2012 22:32:00 GMT(2/27/2012)

    Post 29 of 204
    Joined 1/23/2012

    Some men probably got off on the power/ego trip being a male JW gets you, but I never cared for it. I'm an introvert, and was an especially awkward one at that haveing been reaised in social isolation, so it was about the strangest feeling in the world when as a newly-baptized teenager (back in the day) I started to pioneer. I was about as green as you could get in every way but I was told I had to take the lead in the service meetings and the car group. So here I was, stammering my way through it for the first couple of months while lifelong pioneer sisters and elders' wives practiced their patience. I tried to get out of it a few times and, true story, one of the sisters (unprepared for such an event) had to pull a napkin out of her purse to put on her head in order to help me out ('cause nothing says respect for Divine Authority like wearing a napkin). Out in car groups, pioneers would hand me their territory cards and ask "How do you want to do this?" I had no idea, it was their territory! Then there were those who would just lay out everything we should do but then add, looking at me, "Does that sound good?" It was very odd, like I'd been put in charge of a company after applying for the mailroom.

    Recently, I told my wife that I'd rather be her partner than her head and she didn't seem to know how to take it.

    No Room For George posted Mon, 27 Feb 2012 23:03:00 GMT(2/27/2012)

    Post 2178 of 1758
    Joined 4/25/2011

    Man you have no idea how much I can relate to your post. March is going to be a particulary tough month with this Dirty Thirty auxilliary pioneer thing. They made an announcement last Thursday in relation to this special month of activity that on Sundays the publishers should see their field service overseers after the meeting for field service arrangemenst. I thought to myself, "great, just what I need. Have to take the lead holding the hands of other adults and peddle mediocre literature to an apathetic public."

    It's funny because people in our congregation might view me as being confident, meanwhile I've more self doubt than OJ Simpson during the civil trial. It's a lotta pressure at times, and in the midst of handling it is not big deal, but the period of time when gathering the courage to actually take the lead in Theocratic matters is where I think one day I'll have a heart attack. My anxiety spikes when thinking about taking the lead in service, or hearing my name during the announcements as being one of the brothers with a part during the Service Meeting. I just absolutely hate that kind of attention. You know, I might have signed up to do the Dirty Thirty had it not been anounced that they were going to read off the names of all who are doing it, but I just hate that kind of attention, although the fact that I'm doing it may bring unwanted attention too.

    ). Out in car groups, pioneers would hand me their territory cards and ask "How do you want to do this?" I had no idea, it was their territory! Then there were those who would just lay out everything we should do but then add, looking at me, "Does that sound good?" It was very odd, like I'd been put in charge of a company after applying for the mailroom.

    I hear ya! At times when I take the group out, if another brother or sister has territory, I'll ask them flat out how they want it handled because they might be out during the week when I'm work, so maybe they have a certain method to their madness and I'll gladly oblige. Besides I view it like we're all adults, there shouldn't be any so called "taking the lead." So long as it's not completely unorganized I don't see anything wrong with stepping back a bit.

    just Ron posted Mon, 27 Feb 2012 23:12:00 GMT(2/27/2012)

    Post 207 of 341
    Joined 1/15/2012

    Like family trips every one gets input thay way we can all have fun. Because if it was up to me to decide alone no one would have any fun because we would go salmon, trout, swordfish, or bass fishing every year.

    Londo111 posted Mon, 27 Feb 2012 23:23:00 GMT(2/27/2012)

    Post 332 of 3503
    Joined 11/9/2011

    I am not a natural leader either. Nor do I think there should be human "leaders" in a Christian sense.

    I can relate to the above experience--I was appointed a Ministerial Servant when I was still a teenager. And I tried to regular pioneer for a time. Sometimes I would conduct book studies when the book study overseer could not, or was called to other book studies to conduct. And, of course, I had to take the lead in field service sometimes. And yet, there were brothers there in their 50's or older…not to mentioned mature sisters. I felt like a fraud and an idiot. I never had a thirst for desire or prominence. I felt that many congregation tasks could be easily done by sisters.

    Often, the organization's main qualification is field service hours and a Y chromosome. You could be incompetent in every way, and not scripturally or practically qualify in any way, but if you have those, it's good enough for the hierarchy.

    Fernando posted Mon, 27 Feb 2012 23:25:00 GMT(2/27/2012)

    Post 374 of 3289
    Joined 9/21/2009

    Might I suggest you find yourself unable to respond to the invitation of the "god of religion" (Satan the Devil) to join the power-mongering, abusive and spiritually blind, confused, inebriated and insane ruling religious clergy class and hierarchy?

    Methinks this is a very good thing actually.

    It is exactly to persons such as this that Jesus calls and says come as you are and as soon as you can.

    The call of the unabridged gospel message is directly opposite to the call of religion.

    It is no accident that Watchtower religionists know nothing of the "good news according to Paul" whereas more than half the Bible's 152-odd references to the "good news" are by Paul!!

    Londo111 posted Mon, 27 Feb 2012 23:26:00 GMT(2/27/2012)

    Post 333 of 3503
    Joined 11/9/2011

    Oh, a funny experience. After conducting a book study when I was a timid teenager, I had a little kid come up to me, stick his middle finger in my face, and punch me in the nuts (pardon my French).

    No Room For George posted Mon, 27 Feb 2012 23:29:00 GMT(2/27/2012)

    Post 2181 of 1758
    Joined 4/25/2011
    …not to mentioned mature sisters. I felt like a fraud and an idiot. I never had a thirst for desire or prominence. I felt that many congregation tasks could be easily done by sisters.

    Yeah, this too, I was trying to word it but couldn't quite put it together, but this is exactly how I feel at times.

    Band on the Run posted Tue, 28 Feb 2012 00:26:00 GMT(2/28/2012)

    Post 4449 of 9829
    Joined 12/18/2010

    The sarcasm about the napkin is priceless. I recall a sister wearing a hanky when my father was present. They could not make out who he was. We did some things and not others. And my father spent more than a decade at Bethel when it was small. He knew everyone. It was so funny. He wasn't man enough for her. It wasn't a lace mantilla or shawl either. Just a dime store hanky.

    Hankies are male deflectors. The piece of cotton or linen allows power to suspend outside the sister's body. My gm was so opiniated. She was a feminist JW. All her son-in-laws had to do was to remind her that she could never tell them what to do and she behaved outwardly.

    Sometimes I just laugh so hard that other people experienced the same craziness. It is interesting here to hear from JW men. Your life looked so golden b/c of your penises. If a teenage boy was not intimiated and awkward, he should be sent to some far away Federation penal colony to protect the universe. Life is always greener..........

    F rebel8 posted Tue, 28 Feb 2012 00:31:00 GMT(2/28/2012)

    Post 8378 of 10045
    Joined 1/13/2005

    The napkins are beyond dumb. We had a preteen who was baptized, so every time he was around, we had to wear random napkins on our head, usually McDonald's crumpled leftovers or tissues we had packed for runny noses.

    I am a natural leader, always have been since very young childhood, so maybe that's yet another reason I didn't fare well in the Borganization.

    simon17 posted Tue, 28 Feb 2012 01:41:00 GMT(2/28/2012)

    Post 395 of 723
    Joined 7/25/2009

    I remember it was strange being baptized in my mid teens, and all of a sudden, when going out in service in mid-week I'd be "in charge" of pioneer sisters who were smart, experienced for decades, and much more capable of making decisions than I was at that point. It made no sense in this millennium. The most capable should be taking the lead, not the only man in the room de facto.

    F troubled mind posted Tue, 28 Feb 2012 02:05:00 GMT(2/28/2012)

    Post 3098 of 3430
    Joined 11/17/2005

    I don't like being led !! Rebel , I too have always been more of a leader than a follower ,given the chance I will takeover ! Sorry can't help it .

    Having a man tell me which door to knock on never really mattered ,but OMG having a teenager trying to make car groups could make me crazy . Some of the 'brothers' were just as bad ....I more than once spoke up and said how about if we did it this way instead :) ALWAYS with a smile and subordinate manner .

    mercedes_29 posted Tue, 28 Feb 2012 02:38:00 GMT(2/28/2012)

    Post 23 of 194
    Joined 1/21/2012

    I always loved being told what to do in FS by a 13 year old boy. It made me feel so secure that a "man" was taking the lead. Also loved that you could be practically illiterate and have the worst time management skills yet still be a book study conductor, elder or ms because you had a penis.

    Sulla posted Tue, 28 Feb 2012 04:38:00 GMT(2/28/2012)

    Post 377 of 1165
    Joined 6/2/2011

    Recently, I told my wife that I'd rather be her partner than her head and she didn't seem to know how to take it.

    Jesus! I Want To Believe, grow a pair.

    And, I wonder why it is that the sisters could not get it through their little heads that, if all you have in your purse is a paper napkin, then you don't have anything with which to cover your head. Protestants! Sheesh.

    F mrsjones5 posted Tue, 28 Feb 2012 04:52:00 GMT(2/28/2012)

    Post 17672 of 19551
    Joined 10/13/2004

    When my husband and I were newly married I explained the headship arrangement of marriage according to the wt. I told him that he would be the head of the family. He looked at me like I had lost my mind and said never mention that again, that as far as he and our marriage was concerned we were partners. And that's the way it's been for almost 20 years now. Oh, I shoud have mentioned from the getgo...my hubby was never a jw and he's all man.

    3rdgen posted Tue, 28 Feb 2012 05:13:00 GMT(2/28/2012)

    Post 589 of 1590
    Joined 10/16/2011

    I had to tell my hubby today that we are no longer jws and he is no longer my head. We are now offically partners. (good thing he agreed)

    WTWizard posted Tue, 28 Feb 2012 15:14:00 GMT(2/28/2012)

    Post 12847 of 15042
    Joined 5/10/2007

    I never liked taking the lead. Typically, I was the least experienced in the group as others had been pious-sneering for 10-20 years. I would always let the group organize itself, since I used to cater to preferences to make things work better and minimize confusion (and because I was too lazy to force-assign people to groups). And the worst part was saying that damn prayer--wasting the 2 minutes or so on that. I never liked thanking that Almighty Lowlife Scumbag Jehovah for anything anyways.

    Alfred posted Tue, 28 Feb 2012 16:14:00 GMT(2/28/2012)

    Post 791 of 954
    Joined 9/10/2010

    I believe one of the reasons the WT eliminated the Daily Text from Field Service was to make things easier for the retired introverts who had to "take the lead" during the weekday field circus (when most elders would be at work).

    Disillusioned Lost-Lamb posted Tue, 28 Feb 2012 22:35:00 GMT(2/28/2012)

    Post 78 of 1171
    Joined 2/3/2012

    Some people are natural born leaders and other are not, no big deal, but it's a disgrace when an entity can browbeat men into leading because they need them; oh, and women weren't born with a magic appendage, so although capable, aren't allowed to.

    Personally I don't necessarily like leading, but if something needs to be done I put on my big girl panties and get to work; I’ve been counseled about this for “taking the initiative”. (I’m talking about small things like grounds keeping and minor repairs at the KH, they still need to be done and no one else was willing, yet I’m suppose to let it go to hell while waiting for a brother to do it? Huh?)

    I guess that's why the borganizations view of leadership and submission has always been kinda like sandpaper on my already watchtower chafed backside.

    outsmartthesystem posted Tue, 28 Feb 2012 23:49:00 GMT(2/28/2012)

    Post 406 of 1187
    Joined 5/19/2011

    "Oh, a funny experience. After conducting a book study when I was a timid teenager, I had a little kid come up to me, stick his middle finger in my face, and punch me in the nuts (pardon my French). "

    That is priceless. I wish I could do that to a choice few "study" conducters I knew

    outsmartthesystem posted Wed, 29 Feb 2012 00:03:00 GMT(2/29/2012)

    Post 407 of 1187
    Joined 5/19/2011

    "We had a preteen who was baptized, so every time he was around, we had to wear random napkins on our head, usually McDonald's crumpled leftovers or tissues we had packed for runny noses"

    And this is exactly why the WT interpretation of headship is a sham.

    Listen sisters....if you come over to babysit this kid because he isn't old enough to stay alone....he MUST do what you tell him because you're the adult. But dammit.....when it comes to how you act within the spiritual paradise at the KH (for instance when meeting for service)........you'd better fall in line....zip your mouths and listen intently as his commanding, yet squeaky voice dictates the rest of your afternoon. And if for some reason he is unable to zealously lead the "large army", then you'd better cover your pathetic heads while you take the lead because it is SHAMEFUL for your head to be uncovered during a spiritual event that is happening in the midst of a kid who is barely old enough to no longer need a booster seat in the car, yet strangely, easily old enough to commit himself for life to an organization.

    Somehow the quality to lead is determined.....not by age or ability....but by whether you have indoor or outdoor plumbing (metaphorically speaking)

    I can't believe people still believe this shit

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