Is Fading a DF Offense?

Wife Sweet Pea and I are just starting the 2nd phase of our fade, which as we are already inactive and at 50% meeting attendance, means stopping going altogether.

Supposing the elders decide they want to make a shepherding call - which we naturally decline - could they announce us as 'no longer known as JW's' for declining the call, not being at meetings and being inactive?

What if we did take the shepherding call and told the elders we just weren't coming back, with no specific reasons given? They would be bound to ask if we still believed the FDS doctrine, which we could lie about use theocratic warfare strategy and say we were just a bit depressed, with money worries, struggling with the routine etc and would probably be back soon.

Thoughts?

They shouldn't make any announcement just because you are inactive or decline a shepherding call.

Just continue to decline their shepherding efforts - tell them you're "depressed" or "ill" or "too busy" or whatever, and you'll contact them when you want help. Be firm.

After a while they should just leave you alone.

Fading, in and of itself, is not a DFing offense.

If you were to express your doubts or thoughts in a way that could be construed as "apostacy", whether to elders or other JWs, and the elders are a hardnosed bunch, they could potentially DF you for apostacy, if they wished to pursue the matter and attempted to force you to commit one way or the other.

There are some here who can tell you horror stories about how they just were not allowed to quietly leave while others of us have had virtually no contact with elders after dropping off attendance at meetings and quitting service.

Most here will advise not meeting with them at all.  Avoid them, avoid their questions.  They will give up in time, because most elders aren't industrious enough to keep bothering with it.

So long as you do not say under any circumstances you dont believe any of it anymore as that would be DAing yourself. I believe if you say you dont wish to attend anymore they can call that DAing and announce it to, because I believe that this might have happened to me first time round only I was only 16 and didnt understand the fine print, but there were some confusing stories afterwards which i never got to the bottom of.

Tread carefully. Tell them nothing.

And I am thrilled to bits that you and your wife and your kiddies can go on the rest of your journey together - so much better than going it alone!

Ditto, what sir82 said.  You can't be df'd for just declining a shepherding call.  I would just screen my calls and not talk to them at all and not answer the door when they just drop by.  I suppose if you still go to some meetings they might ask...but just avoid the "backroom." 

BTW, missing meetings is not a df'ing offense either.

Develop a form of deafness.  If they ask a question you don't want to answer and can't avoid by leaving, just change the subject to something like the weather and then leave.

Blondie (fader--attends no meetings or conventions/assemblies or funerals/weddings)

Hey well done!  Use your instincts; you know your elders and what their reactions would be.  Any hardliners?  If you have a real bloodhound in there he'll find a way to get you out if you give him a chance.  Otherwise you should be just fine - that's the point of a fade!

How are things going with any JW family? 

How about JW friends?  Are you doing okay, letting them go? 

Umm... be careful who you trust!  A successful fade requires a smokescreen. 

Avoid!  Avoid!  Avoid!

Don't worry!  They'll 'forget' about you sooner or later! 

No but don't ever let them catch you with:

• A xmas decoration on your door
• A xmas tree in the window
• Easter eggs in your shopping trolley

You may be branded an apostate and regarded as having disassociated yourself by your actions.  That's why some move away after they have faded so they are not known by the local elders.

It's crazy!

I concur with Undercover, Crumpet, and Sir82. 

Fading is not a judicial matter.  Depression and stress and missing meetings is a sign of spiritual weakness

to them.  Doubt is "officially" to be worked with, and the doubter is to be helped. 

Unofficially, you can't ever say, "I am never going back" as that is disassociating yourself, the same as them

disfellowshipping you.  You can't participate in holidays (openly). 

No advice is always the answer.  Some elder bodies go hunting for faders, some leave them alone, and some

try to save them from the fade.  I assume the worst and prepare for that. 

Oh, if your elders are the fader hunter types, they could use a shepherding call to

get you out.  All they have to do is ask a few questions, twist their understanding of

the answers you provide- then 2 elders heard you say it.  The 2 ask to form a committee

by adding a 3rd elder, the 2 tell him what they understood you to say, you refuse to

meet with them, and they DF you.

If you do meet with them, you have to give the right answers.  At the judicial meeting,

you can't decide not to cooperate as that will give them grounds to say their understanding

of what you have said is proof enough that you are apostate.  Better to avoid them at the

shepherding level. 

My body of elders has avoided me for 6 months now, I will have to switch to avoiding them

when they finally get around to shepherding me.

Sorry Fred, to us fading is not dying.  It's starting to live.  And the reality is different.  If you are D/Fd or D/S yourself, your JW family won't speak to you anymore.  This has lifelong consequences.  If there is a family wedding for example, and one D/F person is going to be there, no JWs will attend.  If you've faded, you have no official status and family can continue to associate with you.

Fading is learning to breathe, think and live freely!

Fading is the kindergarten to adult life and happiness.

Fading is the gradual breaking of ties, bonds and shackles.

Fading is what all Jehovah's Witness, deep inside wish they could do, but dare not ever admit it just incase anyone finds out.

Fading is the stepping stone to freedom, happiness and acceptance.

Fading has given us as a family, everything we always wished for from life.

Fading is a gift you can give yourself and unwrap that gift at  your own pace.

Tell them you think you are coming down with a case of the shingles and don't want to get them sick, too. The elders will leave pronto.