Any Funny Virgin Honeymoon stories?

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    Perfection Seeker posted Fri, 28 Jun 2002 04:04:00 GMT(6/28/2002)

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    Joined 6/23/2002

    Anyone have any funny virgin honeymoon stories? None here- but my brother & his wife- both GOOD WITNESSES got married- didn't get to complete the act for 6 weeks- his wife had no idea he was so big- and kept crying & was afraid. Just another "well educated" witness girl. Do you think they PURPOSELY keep everyone stupid?

    M Elders_Kid posted Fri, 28 Jun 2002 04:13:00 GMT(6/28/2002)

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    Joined 4/23/2002

    Do you think they PURPOSELY keep everyone stupid?


    Sorry, being the good elders son that I was, I lost my verginity 7 years before I got married. oops.


    edited to adjust formatting

    Edited by - elders_kid on 28 June 2002 0:13:39

    Perfection Seeker posted Fri, 28 Jun 2002 04:16:00 GMT(6/28/2002)

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    Joined 6/23/2002

    Elders kid- thats quite a title to live up to, isn't it? 7 years before you got married- did you get caught? I moved in with my husband 1 year before we got married, but were only roomates :-) (HA HA) That story didn't last long- then I was DISSED. I did marry him though, does that help? :-)

    M Elders_Kid posted Fri, 28 Jun 2002 04:20:00 GMT(6/28/2002)

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    Joined 4/23/2002

    Perfection- Yup, I'm just trying to be the best little dub that I can be!!!

    I actually lost my virginity after I got D/F. Don't really know what I waited for, but I did marry the girl I lost it too. Actually we lost it together.


    F Mary posted Sat, 29 Jun 2002 15:25:00 GMT(6/29/2002)

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    Joined 6/26/2002

    Well, I'm not married, (still a virgin........hahahaha.......some guy's in for a big surprise one day when I finally get up the nerve to go have sex) so this isn't one about me, but all my friends got married real young (17 or 18) and here are some quotes they gave me about their wedding night sex......:

    "You're never doing that to me again"

    "I think we need to take lessons"

    "Like a stick being shoved up you." (the answer I got to: what does it feel like?)

    "Quit screaming, will ya?!"

    "We got married for that?"

    "He wanted to have oral sex, but my conscience wouldn't let him"

    ashitaka posted Sat, 29 Jun 2002 15:27:00 GMT(6/29/2002)

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    Joined 9/27/2001


    That is some depressing shit. Sounds like many a JW marriage.


    Solace posted Sat, 29 Jun 2002 15:42:00 GMT(6/29/2002)

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    Joined 1/31/2002

    Im not worthy of posting on this thread.....

    But I can still count all my partners on one hand and not include my thumb or pinky!!

    Funny stories,,, Hmmm let me think.....................

    Well, my J.W. cousin had apparently let her then husband assume that HE was her first without informing me. I knew better by the way. We were out to dinner with them. Her and I were talking about old times and heres me, (jabbering away).. I couldnt understand why she kept kicking me under the table. FUNNY.. Guess she had some splainnen to do huh?....

    Edited by - heaven on 29 June 2002 14:40:23

    yrs2long posted Sun, 30 Jun 2002 00:29:00 GMT(6/30/2002)

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    Joined 10/6/2001

    It's a small thing, but no one, including my very liberal mother, told me that the stuff comes back out. When you watch movies, soap operas or whatever, they just lie there, so I assumed it was really thick or was absorbed or something.

    It took a whole month for the pain to go away. I remember telling my doctor, "why are people so gaga over sex?" She laughed and assured me 'it gets much better, honey.' The act seemed to be interminable until one day, as I tensed up for the usual painful entry, there was....nothing. That's when I discovered my ex didn't last nearly as long as I'd thought.

    M SixofNine posted Sun, 30 Jun 2002 00:33:00 GMT(6/30/2002)

    Post 2618 of 14370
    Joined 12/17/2000

    The psychology behind the pain is facinating. These aren't funny stories, but they are JW stories.

    LB posted Sun, 30 Jun 2002 01:20:00 GMT(6/30/2002)

    Post 1756 of 3500
    Joined 11/28/2001

    Well no virgins on my shift but I do recall what one young witness lad said to me before his wedding. He said my son was kind of stupid to go to Maui for 10 days because all they would do is have sex 24/7. He was just going to go to a local motel. I told him that I hated to bust his bubble but it wasn't likely he would be capable of having sex 24/7. He looked shocked like I was some kind of idiot.

    My son wasn't a virgin but his wife was. Or so they say and I believe them on this point. She thought it was also going to be a 24/7 type of thing. In fact they were scheduled to leave for Maui the next day and thought she wouldn't be capable of waking up before noon so they took an afternoon flight.

    She was up by 9 for breakfast in bed.

    F zenpunk posted Sun, 30 Jun 2002 02:01:00 GMT(6/30/2002)

    Post 118 of 514
    Joined 3/6/2002

    Time #1 - Aww That Hurts! (Silently to myself, of course)

    Time#2 - Man, This is Good S&*T! Hurry Up - I want to go again!

    F eyegirl posted Sun, 30 Jun 2002 04:12:00 GMT(6/30/2002)

    Post 88 of 563
    Joined 6/4/2002

    not married, but i remember my first time. wasn't quite what i thought it was going to be. i remember thinking "this is what it's all about??!??!" and i asked him "we're done already??" it was like under a minute, i swear. and i cried for about 10.

    Imbue posted Sun, 30 Jun 2002 04:23:00 GMT(6/30/2002)

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    Joined 2/23/2002

    I can't contribute anything personal to this thread!

    Heaven: ahem ...How does the topic of your cousins old lover come up at dinner with her husband present?

    Did you want to tell him for her? I was just wondering how such a subject could come up at dinner.

    F Incense_and_Peppermints posted Sun, 30 Jun 2002 04:33:00 GMT(6/30/2002)

    Post 211 of 1809
    Joined 6/3/2002

    not humorous, just normal boring stuff, like it hurt and no one told me that you would bleed from your hymen being punctured. it was scary, but liberating. i thought is that all there is to it? it didn't seem like much fun. the first time. but i had married a very nice (and older) wordly man who taught me all kinds of interesting things, and soon i discovered just how thrilling and exciting it could be, once the psychological barriers were torn down.

    MarchOn posted Sun, 30 Jun 2002 04:35:00 GMT(6/30/2002)

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    Joined 3/18/2002

    Well, I got the "talk" from my Mother on my wedding day. She went on and on about everything and even informed me that if my husband had to much to drink, he would probably not be able to perform. I was very surprised at this because he never had a problem with not being able to perform when he was drinking. Poor Mom sooooo naive.

    F Incense_and_Peppermints posted Sun, 30 Jun 2002 05:07:00 GMT(6/30/2002)

    Post 215 of 1809
    Joined 6/3/2002

    mmm... i know what you mean. that doesn't have any affect. this sounds funny, but tasting alcohol on your lover's tongue is, well, intoxicating. (and i don't even drink!)

    anyway, your mom was nice to give you 'the talk'. mine couldn't bear to even mention anything remotely sexual...

    Max Divergent posted Sun, 30 Jun 2002 09:05:00 GMT(6/30/2002)

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    Joined 11/24/2001

    We had a bit of the ole' 'mutual masterbation' going for a while, and that was much better than the early times we did 'the real thing' after the wedding; that was nowhere near as good as the furtive groping in the car (when parked), or one of us, umm, 'servicing' the other (while driving)... (Still miss that:-)

    Funnier thing... older Sis in the Congo 'confided' in my wife that her daughter phoned her from their overseas honeymoon becuase they couldn't figure out how to do it... maybe they were joking (v.sick joke)????

    Enjoy, Max

    M dmouse posted Sun, 30 Jun 2002 10:13:00 GMT(6/30/2002)

    Post 506 of 1541
    Joined 4/3/2001

    Some JWs have a fairly normal sex life even before they are married, in secret of course.

    However, many live in the twilight world of JW Victorian sensibilities. My wife was one such person. On our wedding night, we were both virgins, I was shocked to find that my 26 year old bride didn't know what an erection was, she just didn't know that the penis changed size etc. Mind you, I was so shy that I got into bed with my underpants on and took them off under the covers. My wife was so tense that we couldn't do it for three days or four days. All of the suppression of sexual desire that we had engaged in all our adult lives took a long time to recover from. Just another way that the WBTS damages people psychologically. My wife never really did relax, never really stopped seeing sex as 'dirty'. I tried my hardest, spending hours pampering, touching, stimulating (I can last a lot longer than two minutes) but to no avail. In the end I just gave up. Now, at the age of 41, I am resigned to never having sex again because I can't make love to a woman that can't enjoy the act - the main reason for sex, in my opinion, is the sharing of pleasure, it should never be one-sided; and without that sharing there is no point to it.

    Sorry this isn't very funny.

    F Incense_and_Peppermints posted Sun, 30 Jun 2002 18:33:00 GMT(6/30/2002)

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    Joined 6/3/2002

    I tried my hardest, spending hours pampering, touching, stimulating (I can last a lot longer than two minutes) but to no avail.

    oh reely.... (just kidding)

    In the end I just gave up. Now, at the age of 41, I am resigned to never having sex again because I can't make love to a woman that can't enjoy the act - the main reason for sex, in my opinion, is the sharing of pleasure, it should never be one-sided; and without that sharing there is no point to it.

    oh, don't give up. anyone with your philosophy shouldn't give up. don't let one bad experience destroy your ardor. 41 is way too young to resign yourself to never again experiencing the joys of sexual pleasure and true intimacy. not all women are like that, you know.

    Carmel posted Tue, 02 Jul 2002 00:04:00 GMT(7/2/2002)

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    Joined 6/2/2000

    On my honeymoon my wife and I had a great evening doing what "cums naturally" then off to sleepy-by. About 2:00 I woke up with my arms asleep, ( I worked in a lumber mill and my arms were stretched from pulling heavy lumber from the green chain all day). I sat up in bed and shook my hands and arms then went back to sleep. The second time, she woke up too and asked if I was okay, the third time she got up and got a drink, the forth time she said something to the effect "do I have to go through every night like this"? It was rather traumatic for her thinking she had married this guy that sets up in bed every two hours and shakes! Thank God I got a different job at the mill so the numbness went away!



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