Should i break up???

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    Dudu posted Sat, 15 Oct 2011 17:31:00 GMT(10/15/2011)

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    Joined 7/17/2011

    I need advice specially from those wise women and men from this forum, who has been in a relationship for long time. Here is my situation, i am dating a guy for 4 months now and everything was going smooth, but since a month ago , he is been going out with some friends.... My boyfriend only has 2 full days off during the month , every other sunday, last day off he went all day with his friends to the beach and i was ok with that, but today he is calling me to ask me if i am ok with him going with his friends AGAIN all day to the beach. We dont go out that much and maybe we go out one time a week and is for dinner or something like that, i dont think of myself as clingy but i dont like this pattern...... should i break up? should i talk to him about it? i feel that when a person wants to be with you you are a priority and you shouldnt ask for time... specially if you arent calling or texting all the time and if you give the other person the space ...

    Silent_Scream posted Sat, 15 Oct 2011 17:35:00 GMT(10/15/2011)

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    Joined 8/27/2011

    Well, if men still need time for themselves to relax and kick it with the guys. Thats healthy. But I agree that you should be first priority. If he doesn;t view it as such, find out why. Even the most macho men get giddy even with the thought of being with the girls we love. Trust me.

    Talk to him about it, and see if it changes.

    charlie brown jr. posted Sat, 15 Oct 2011 17:37:00 GMT(10/15/2011)

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    Not to make lite of your Situation....

    Why ask from those "who has been in a relationship for long time"

    When it's been 4 months????

    Not much time invested yet...... I'd say....

    It's up to you Honey!

    M OnTheWayOut posted Sat, 15 Oct 2011 17:40:00 GMT(10/15/2011)

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    Talk to him before you break up. But keep breaking up in mind if promises are made and later not kept up.

    J. Hofer posted Sat, 15 Oct 2011 17:56:00 GMT(10/15/2011)

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    having only 2 days off a month is a little tough. is this just temporary or will this stay the same for longer? if you talk to him, don't pull the "it's me or your friends" card, but simply tell him that you would really like some of his time too. plan something together for the next time he's got a day off. he probably only needs to get used to spending his spare time without his friends. who are they anyway? why can't you go with them? is it a men only club?

    Dudu posted Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:10:00 GMT(10/15/2011)

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    Joined 7/17/2011

    @charlie brown I asked for those who has been or are in a long term relationship the advice because of their perspective of things in general not coz i think about my date as a long term relationship :P

    @silent scream I totally agree, when you want to be with someone you try to be with that person if you really think is special

    @hofeer these 2 friends are single and they dont like to hang out with the only girlfriend of the group.... i dont get it either, why i cant go with them ...

    I know he needs time out with his friends to have a beer or just relax with them , but why not to do this one evening , and do it the only day off he has Besides, when he called me asking "permission" i told him it was ok, that he should do whatever he wants to .... and i hang up on him....

    Iamallcool posted Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:15:00 GMT(10/15/2011)

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    it is not worth it, yeah, break it up with him for good.

    charlie brown jr. posted Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:23:00 GMT(10/15/2011)

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    Besides, when he called me asking "permission" i told him it was ok, that he should do whatever he wants to .... and i hang up on him....

    Did you say good bye or....

    Hang up on him......

    if it's the latter.........

    You have your answer! :P

    Dudu posted Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:36:00 GMT(10/15/2011)

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    Joined 7/17/2011

    @charlie i said bye and hang up....

    what i dont get is why to ask "permission" i mean, if i say no, i dont want you to go ... would he really stay? and if he does, would he be happy to stay ?? this is ridiculous ...... i am ridiculous, so is he and so is this relationship ................ and im mad hummmmmmmm

    Iamallcool posted Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:39:00 GMT(10/15/2011)

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    next time change your tone of voice to unhappy, he will get the hint.

    charlie brown jr. posted Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:39:00 GMT(10/15/2011)

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    LOL you need a HUG!!! Big Hug

    Mad Sweeney posted Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:42:00 GMT(10/15/2011)

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    Why are you dating a guy who doesn't want to be around you?

    Move on.

    M 144001 posted Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:44:00 GMT(10/15/2011)

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    Joined 6/24/2002


    In light of the brevity of your relationship (i.e., 4 months), the subordination of his interest in you to his desire to hang out with the guys is indicative of a level of interest in you that is inconsistent with your expectations/needs. Therefore, you must either reassess what sort of relationship you need/expect, live with feeling unfulfilled/unhappy, or move on.

    My advice? Move on.

    Dudu posted Sat, 15 Oct 2011 18:59:00 GMT(10/15/2011)

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    Joined 7/17/2011

    You guys are right ... I deserve more, and im not even a demanding person ... i think ive been reasonable, not too demanding of his time but this is too much, he calls me , he is really nice when he is around, and has been after this friendship when he is changing, or maybe he is not so interest in me anymore ... anyways i need a deep breath

    F mrsjones5 posted Sat, 15 Oct 2011 19:03:00 GMT(10/15/2011)

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    Joined 10/13/2004

    I don't think breaking up is the answer right now unless you're just looking for a reason or maybe you have good reason but are just now paying attention. Did he ask you to go with him? I would ask to go too. If he doesn't want you along you might have your answer

    Dudu posted Sat, 15 Oct 2011 19:08:00 GMT(10/15/2011)

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    Joined 7/17/2011

    i need a hug mrsjones .........

    F mrsjones5 posted Sat, 15 Oct 2011 19:16:00 GMT(10/15/2011)

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    ((((Dudu))))) trust me, you're gonna be ok

    charlie brown jr. posted Sat, 15 Oct 2011 19:31:00 GMT(10/15/2011)

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    You'll be fine.......

    NewChapter posted Sat, 15 Oct 2011 20:00:00 GMT(10/15/2011)

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    Joined 1/25/2011

    Why aren't you going to the beach with him? Do the two of you also socialize with others as a couple? If not, I consider that a red flag. It's not healthy to have only each other socially. Do you not like the beach? Are you not invited? Not that you have to do EVERYTHING together, but this is just something to think about.

    Has this relationship reached the next level for you but not for him? What would you be doing if he didn't go to the beach? Could it be that he wants recreation, but you are more likely to choose something more sedentary? What do you think of his friends? What do his friends think of you? And what about your friends? Does he fit in?

    Love doesn't conquer all. There are some practical things to consider too. Lot's of questions to answer. This isn't a one question decision.


    NewChapter posted Sat, 15 Oct 2011 20:07:00 GMT(10/15/2011)

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    Joined 1/25/2011

    Besides, when he called me asking "permission" i told him it was ok, that he should do whatever he wants to .... and i hang up on him....

    Here is another thing to consider. This was pretty passive-aggressive behavior and will only push a person away. You said yes--but there was a penalty. If you meant that is was NOT okay with you, then why did you say yes? In my experience, this just drives men crazy. They are forced to guess at what we really want, but we don't give that to them. We simply give them the curt little "fine", and they know it's not fine, but they don't necessarily know why. In those cases, it's much easier to go off with friends than spend the day trying to get you to say what you mean.

    The fact is if you are worried that saying "no" it's not okay, and you think that will push him away, then ask yourself this: Do you want to walk on eggshells or get the real answer? If you say no, and he says well I can't accept that, then maybe that signals a problem. Maybe it will be a problem you can work out, or maybe you'll decide the gap is to wide to bridge, but either way, you WILL know. But passive aggressive games won't get you any closer to the answer.



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