What are your thoughts on marrying later in life?

My 2nd-time widowed FIL is remarrying this summer at the age of 73.  His fiancee is a never-before-married woman in her mid-50s with one adult son.  His children are pretty mad about the upcoming nuptials.  They feel the woman is a gold digger.  He's not rich (lol), but has a pension and social security so he's in pretty good shape financially.

They are having a KH wedding with bridesmaids and groomsmen.  A reception will follow.  This is the first couple that I've personally known to marry later in life.

Would you marry later in life? Do you know anyone who has? What was their motivation? How did it work out?

If you have a minute, I'd like to hear your thoughts on the subject.

   Love doesn't have a age limit. They say married people live longer.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to marry for financial security.  He knows there's some of that in her.   He knows what he gets in return.

Believe you me, he will be the JW man in the house, so he will get what he is "paying" for- if not in the bedroom (although he probably will) then in the kitchen.

WIN WIN.

Everyone has opinions.  I decided not to ever voice one against what other people think is okay, as long as it is not illegal.

I always said if my first marriage didn't work I wouldn't try a second time. I've been alone now for the last 7+ years and I like it that way. The only time I regret being alone is if my back is spazzing out or if I'm really sick. It would be nice to have someone around to cook and clean at times like that, but it's not a good reason to get married again.

W

Viagra is a helluva drug.

In part their issues are emotional because he married within a year of their mother dying when they were very young.  Also, his 2nd wife died late last summer.

I agree that marrying for financial security is ok.  And of course love is the ultimate reason.  I hope it works out.  I think I wouldn't want to be alone, especially later in life.  My grandfather died when my dad was a kid and my grandmother never remarried.  I always wished she had.  I think it would have enriched her life to have some company.  But she had us and hated being married anyway... lol.  My other grandparents divorced in their 60s.  My grandfather remarried then later separated in his 70s. But my grandmother never remarried and is still enjoying her time alone.

I think I would remarry at 102 if I wanted company... lol

In all seriousness, though, plenty of folks get married at this age. My neighbor got married at 80 years old, to a 70-year-old woman. They've been happily married for more than 10 years. (Both of their first mates had died.)

At 73, he's earned the right to do whatever he wants to do. If he's financially secure, the kids won't have to finance his (perceived) mistakes, either.

LWT - ROFL. I'm telling you. (post 1) , good point (post 2)

FF - My husband says he'd never marry again. Not if his life depended on it... I always ask him "Is it that bad?"  He says being married is unnatural.  But he loves me so he'll tough it out... LOL. Gee Thanks.

Actually I think it would nice if we lived most of our lives single then married later in life.  Why get tied down when it's not really necessary.  I know it's good for kids but the pressure to stay together for life gets taxing.  Maybe doing it at the tail end of our lives would ease the pressure. LOL

scary21 - I think about the health benefits to him as well.  Especially since all but one of his children/grandchildren live out of state.  I keep telling them he doesn't want to sit around waiting for them to call or visit.  And mind you this is a family that goes for a year or longer without speaking or seeing to each other for no real reason.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to marry for financial security.

If my mother was thinking about doing just that I would attempt to talk her out of it unless she was truly financially destitute.

-Sab

My widowed FIL (age 75) married  a sister in his hall that was 42. We were all totally against the marriage. He was well to do and newly baptized. Within 3 years (of living on McDonalds, Wendys and Burger King) he was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer. He died shortly after the diagnosis. He had a will that gave everything to his two children (my husband at the time). However, since the will was drawn up a year before his new marriage it was worthless. She got EVERYTHING (including the salt and pepper shakers and family pictures). He had a large life insurance policy made out to his daughter, but somehow the new wife ended up with that too (long story, but true). The family took her to the elders and then took her to court, however in CO law the wife gets everything if there is not a will (and his will was not valid).

There is no fool like an old fool

I am totally for marrying at any age, but only for Love. No other reasons are good enough in my book.

Sab I think that as one gets older that could be a legit consideration.  In this case they're really pooling resources because she's worked her entire life and continues to work.  I don't think I would ever marry for that reason. Nor would I want that to be the sole consideration for a loved one either, no matter what their age.

But doesn't marriage end up being in part about security? Emotional, social, financial or other?  In lots of places it's mostly about financial security for the family.

Wow Magwitch. That's a trip. That's what my husband and his siblings are worried about. It will be interesting to see how this pans out. 

When the 80 year-old man was warned that his upcoming marriage to a 30 year-old could prove fatal, he had a simple reply...

"If she dies, she dies."

I think marrying later in life is a good thing, providing that both parties are marrying for love and companionship.  If that's the case with your f-i-l, whatever financial security he's provding for her will be more than compensated for with the care she will probably have to give to him as he ages.  Your husband and his siblings should talk to their father to find out what intentions he has towards them regarding an inheritence.  I know a lady who remarried late in life, and her husband stipulated in his will that she could live in his house until her death, but then it was to be sold with the proceeds going to his adult children.  She has investments that are separate from their joint assets that wil go to her adult children when she dies. 

The other day I saw an old man come through the door with a beautiful young woman. I asked him if that was his girlfriend. He answered, "She's my wife!".

I had to ask him how he got her to marry him. He replied, "I lied about my age".

Confused I asked him how old he was. He answered, "I'm 70, but I told her I was 90".

(Rimshot)

Billy and Nomad - LOL

Jamie - I will give them the heads up on that.  Thanks for that experience.  Sending you a pm in a minute.

Magwitch, the same thing happened to my sister and I.

Our widower father remarried in 1987 to a woman 21 years his junior. He was 63 at the time.

18 months ago he died. His second wife inherited everything. All we got were a few trinkets and a photo or two.

So, you'll have to excuse me if I have a rather bitter view of these kinds of marriages.

Is financial gain worse than sexual gain? Maybe some people are more introspective about their motivations. How does anyone truly know, esp. not a party to the marriage. It bothers me that women are seen as gold diggers. Typically, if hubbie had to buy a wive's services on the open market, he would be in bankrupt in short order.

Children often feel they are entitled to the great wealth, which is rarely great. Maybe they just get used to no one else being in the picture. People get very worked up about the money but not other issues. Law, tradition and it may be old canon law assumes the wife is the partner in the marriage. Remember Jesus talking about one body. It is very difficult to disinheirit a wife. Very easy to get rid of children. Children and wife are different relationships. There are always prenupitals, too.

I could be wrong but I sense that there was more sanctity towards marriage when I was young. Children stayed in their place. They aren't entitled to any money. If a parent wants to bequeath it, it is out of kindness. And one should be gracious and not criticize the paltriness of the gift. If you die without a will, intestate succession occurs. The government has a preference scale and your money is automatically distributed. It is sort of a default will. I can't recall what the scenario is for a wife and children. I'd have to look it up and it would be different in any state.

Wills are very hard to write properly. It is the largest malpractice area for lawyers. As someone posted, people make wills anticipating the status quo will continue and never update them. There are some rather petty rules about signing, handwriting but all the details are taken very seriously. Many times the very opposite of the testator wishes happens.

Now if we were discussing my mother, in particular, I might be appalled.

Its definitely worked for me.

Loz x