My Boyfriend's not a Witness...

Alright, with my last post it should be obvious I'm in conflict...if it's not, then yeah.

My boyfriend is not a witness. He understands that witnesses can't marry or date non witnesses. But I guess could say we've been stalling...looking for a solution a gray area to that black and white situation...but with time getting as it is...Stalling doesn't work anymore. The more time I stall, the closer it gets with neither of us being saved....

I should mention this is an online relationship that was wanted to be real someday.... He said he can't convert because he's afraid to "lose himself." Afraid if he devotes himself fully to god, he'd have no room for happiness and lose the love he has for me....

I'm conflicted on what to do. I can't tell grandma nor an elder. They wouldn't get past the "It's an internet relationship," part long enough to give me guidance. Praying...I prayed and prayed for guidance...and the way it came... It seems god wants me to end it, if that's the answer I got and I'm not just reading too much into it....

How can I follow my heart, and at the same time hope to save my life? And even if I succeeded in doing both, watch him lose his? I can see why they say only marry in the lord. Not just because there'd be physical conflict...but it also causes emotional pain, knowing even if you're happy now...they won't survive, and you'll only be together for the rest of this f'd up mortal life....And not even that. If it comes before next or the year after? We'll only be together over the internet and never see each other before it......

I have issues bringing up subjects without withdrawing into silence mode...so I can't talk to him about it. But I had others do it...and he's not even willing to learn enough about it before choosing. He's a humanitarian with christian/christendom morals......

The thing is, I can't end it! I don't want to end it! Even if I ended the realtionship and chose god... Walking away and getting over it? Not possible. He's too important to me...even if I ended it I wouldn't get over it. I'd still worry for his life, still be in conflict...and probably even more pain. If we stay together the same...... there's just no gray option.

I asked him this as an attempt."Fine, I have this question. Would you rather be with me forever or only what's left of this f****ed up mortal life?" and the answer he gave was... "Of course I would want to be with you forever. But considering the circumstances.."

I am at a loss....I honestly don't know what to do. I've read the threads here already...I don't intend on converting. So it's useless to give that answer...

Have you met this guy in person?  Maybe, that's all ti would take for it to end.  That would bring an end to all this heart rending on your part.

S

We can't until he gets out of HS....

Well, the end isn't coming for quite a few generations, yet.  Also, you' guys are young, and everything, you know.  So, time is really is on your side.  I mean, you've got yrs and yrs to work things out.  The wt had the end coming in 1874, already, w charlie russel.  They are really wacked out about that.  None of the governing body was even there, in 1874.  They don't know crap.

Just try and relax, and don't overthink this stuff.

S

I believe it's close...anyone else have any answers?

The first thing you need to do is meet this guy. Internet is great for introductions but can be dangerous as you need to build a real relationship rather than one based on fantasy.You might hate each other in real life. Or it might make things strong enough to accept people for who they are. You should not try and change him and he should accept your beliefs too. If you want to change them that is selfish and not true love.

Arte:)

We trust each other, we've talked on the phone, given pictures. Known each other online more than a year. Internet is dangerous if you jump right away. But there's certain level of reading peolple that you know when to trust....I don't want a lecture on how the internet is dangerous... I understand full well, but I trust him and love him with....all my heart. And he loves me.

But as the issue stands. If he doesn't convert, he dies? I can't live with knowing that....

No, I do not think the internet is dangerous. You missunderstand. I and many of my friends have met people on the internet. I wasted 4 years of my life on a long distance relationship. When we finally got together we had fallen in love with a person we imagined and the reality did not fit the picture. I am not saying that is true in your case. But you should meet to find out one way or another. I think after 1 year that is not "jumping in".

Also I don't understand why you live life in fear. I grew up a witness but I do not believe the end is coming any time soon. Even if it did (yes I do have doubts at the back of my mind sometimes) I would not change what I have with my partner for anything.

Arte

Just to put thing in perspective for you- what were they telling young people in 1969? and they have you believing the very same thing today!

Awake! 1969 May 22 p15- If you are a young person, you aslso need to face the FACT that you will never grow old in this present system of things. Why not? Because all the evidence in fulfullment of Bible prophecy indicates that this corrupt system of things is DUE TO END IN A FEW YEARS. Of the generation that observed the beginning of of the last days in 1914, Jesus fortold: 'This generation will by no means pass away until all these things occur." Therefore as a young person, YOU WILL NEVER FULFILL ANY CAREER THAT THIS SYSTEM OFFERS. If you are in high school and thinking about a college education, it means at least four perhaps even six or eight more years to graduate into a specialized career. But where will this system of things be at that time? IT WILL BE WELL ON THE WAY TOWARD ITS FINISH, IF NOT ACTUALLY GONE!  (emphasis mine)

And during Rutherfords reign he was promising that 'millions now living will not die'. The wt has been saying the end is near since it's inception.

This is how you want to live your life? in constant fear? and you want to drag some poor soul along with you? to live in fear and guilt and the hellish life of a jw? Sounds selfish to me, that is not love. Please seek counseling. Don't ruin this young mans life because of your own selfish wants. Let him go and have a wonderful life with a girl who loves him for himself and can grow with him.

You said:

If he doesn't convert, he dies? I can't live with knowing that....

I'd like to know if you really believe that?  Do you really believe that our loving Creator will destroy all people who are not JWs, even their children, as the Watchtower states?  Do you really want to worship a God (the Watchtower version) that will murder your boyfriend simply for not belonging to a religious organization that most do not even take seriously?  I think you need to make that decision first.

Have mercy on the poor guy, Hikaru.

You know you have issues.

Do you really think it is fair on him to have to spend his life with you when you are not prepared to deal with your issues?

You have to be completely honest with him....... and him with you ...... and you with yourself, for that matter.

You know the WT has faulty doctrines and that you can't bring yourself to disbelieve them.  607 BC for example.

You know that the WT has never, never, ever made a prophesy that has come true, but you can't bring yourself to give up on them, so is it fair to drag your BF into your life while you are still so mixed up?

Take care.

Chris

If he is in HS...... why rush things?

Who yall are now is not who yall will be after college. However a relationship built on open and honest conversation is a good foundation!

As far as the end being near........Bro. Losch said in the 08 Zones that Tribulation was still yet to come! So that is (depending on interpretation) another 3.5 - 7 years that yall will have to discern and live through once it begins (which again it hasn't).

So instead of pish-poshing on the current topic at hand.......focus on what colleges (the same or nearby) yall will be attending after graduation! Talk about schedules, goals, what yall will want as a couple, colors you like to decorate your future home.......etc.

It is wrong to force or rush anybody into conversion.

If this is relationship cannot handle the pressures (or one of you is pressuring the other) then it is not mature enough for any type of conversion discussions.  He is in High School.....Jesus was 29 when he was baptized!

Rather then overly focus on conversion why not read the Bible together.......listening and accepting each other's interpretations and

I know it is hard.....but slow down and take things at a moderate and easy rate.

If you try too hard he may convert for you without ever wanting to. Then he will be living a lye. If he did that and got DF a couple of years down the line, how would you feel? That would be very selfish.

How can you live life in terror? The first few years I left JW I did think that perhaps I they were right, the end is nigh. But I just ended up living every day as if it was the last. By that I mean just enjoying every moment of life.  If you can not get over your beliefs that the end of the world is comming, then at least you need to make the most of this life. If you do that you will probably forget about armageddon and come to see it as a false prophesy that has been keeping subjects under control since the dawn of civilization.

Arte:)

High school?  Um, okay. 

Hi. If you really believe in the WT doctrine I suggest you break up with him, he is going to be destroyed at the big A and even if he did convert it would not be for the good reasons so he is going to die anyways. If you really believe int the WT you should stop school and be a pioneer or a missionary because the end is so near and their is a lot of people to save. You should not follow your heart the bible says that the heart is not to be trusted. What are you doing on this website? The GB warns you about the dangers of the Internet. If you would have listen to the GB in the first place you would not be in this situation. Go to the elders and seek their counsel for that they can pour oil on your wounds and god will forgive you.

Then again the bible is not the word of god and you have nothing to worry about.

When I was 16, I got one of the best pieces of advice from my boss: "the way you are at 16 is not the way you will be at 21. And the way you are at 21 is not how you will be at 27".....  It meant a lot to me & proved to be true.  Also, you may want to check out some books on Interfaith relationships. Many of them give examples of couples who are of complete opposite faiths, and who make it work.

I really hope you can find peace in yourself

If he doesn't convert, he dies? I can't live with knowing that....

Do you really believe that? Obviously this guy has some good qualities or you wouldn't love him, right? If you, in your human imperfection, can see the good in him, how much more can Jehovah see that? Is it really logical to assume an all loving heavenly Father would kill someone over a denominational affiliation?

It's at this point that I always think of the parable of the prodigal son, remember that? Remember the LOVE the father felt for his wayward son? Was there ANYTHING he could have done and not found forgiveness?

High school?  Um, okay.

I thought I was the only one who noticed. Either he really is in high school, which makes him too young for a committed relationship, or he's a middle aged man pretending to be in high school, which makes him not worthy of your time, and possibly a pedophile.

If you really can't live without this person you've only interacted with online, at the very least meet him in person before making any decisions that affect your life.

If you have traded pictures and the avatar did not scare him away, then perhaps you should give him about 10 or 12 years to grow up.

You never know what may happen.

Hikaru, have you entertained the idea that what the witnesses teach might not be the truth? Have you done any independent research on them? If not, I suggest you do so. If you are determined to believe their end-time mutterings no matter what facts you are presented with, all I can tell you is that you are on track for screwing up your life and there's nothing anyone else can do for you. You need to get your head straight about the truth (or lack thereof) of this religion before you can acheive any happiness or normalcy in your life. You can't keep living in between worlds. Either you accept what they teach and live it or be willing to learn otherwise so you can move on with your life. Pee or get off the pot, girl!