df'd and assemblies.

hi newbie here, i have a question that is begining to bug me a little. i am not a jw or ever will be  but my partner was some years ago and quite devout about the religeon then she was df'd for commiting adultry with another man (not me) who was not a jw, she got divored from her jw husband and left behind her 2 boys and went to live with 'the other man', anyway over the years her relationship with her 2 boys began to grow again and now she see's them once every 2 weeks, i should perhaps point out that her ex is a devout jw, she has told me that she would like to at some point go back to the 'hall' and carry on her religeon, i said that i dont have a problem with that but, i wasn't keen on the idea of her walking the streets knocking on doors due to the amount of hatred that some poeple clearly have for jw's and the fact that we now seem to live in a violent world, yes i know that jw's have to do so much 'service work', she has told me that she has not visited a hall since her df so therefore has not repented her sins as it were but on sunday she said that there was an assembly in our local vicinity (it's the annual one) and she would like to go. i found this a bit odd that someone who had been df'd would be allowed to go to the jw's event of the year so began to wonder if whilst visiting her sons she maybe did visit the hall to somehow show repent with a view to be allowed back into the faith. so, here's the question, is a df'd jw allowed to go to the biggest event of the year? please note that i don't have a problem with her going i just don't like the idea that she MAY have lied to me and i just need some info before i raise the subject again. thank you all in advance.

You have a problem on your hands. She thinks it's 'the truth'. If she does go back and get re-instated you will find yourself under pressure  to conform, otherwise you will  be increasngly pushed to the sidelines and viewed as 'worldly'.

This is a cult, make no mistake, read about cults to see what your dealing with. She is now going back to the brainwashing program.

You'll get witnesses on this board telling you that all is fine and well and nothing to worry about, don't be fooled by the shiny happy people you meet.

All the best.

Sorry, about the lying. This is justified among witnesses. Its called 'theocratic warfare'.

witnesses believe they are involved in a spiritual war with the world (of which YOU are a part of) and the Devil.

please believe me, i understand to some degree about the brain washing and i know they try to give clever answers to straight questions in order to save the face of their faith and i do thank you very much for your replies but what about the the question, are df'd jw's allowed to attend the annual assemblies?

Yes they are allowed , they are public meetings so anyone can come. Only difference for her is that  she will be shunned if anyone recognises her.

That's about it.

hi ptre

this is an anti-witness so the answers you get will on the whole be negative and demonising witnesses be careful how much you take on board as truth.

All people can attend any witness event (including yourself if you want to know firsthand rather than hearsay on here),  I would say let your wife go and decide for herself. I assume she knows there is a process for reinstatement for df'd persons and she will need to deal with only elders till then but this is if she actively wants to go back and joins a local kingdom Hall?

Reniaa

thanks, i know that it may seem a bit strange but actually thats a bit of a relief in a way because at least i don't feel as though iv'e been lied to and really deep down i suppose thats what i was worried about, but there is one other issue thats niggling at me and that is the fact that she will be going with her ex-husband who is a devout jw and maybe i'm a little worried that if she enjoys it he may sway her back to the 'jw way'. maybe i'm being a bit selfish but i know that if she gets back to the faith i know i will become and remain number 2 in her life for ever.

I don't know about her ex jw husband, you probably don't have anything to worry about. But you are right about being 2nd fiddle if she goes back.

I was a witness for 20 years, my wife was a witness all her life and all of her family are witnesses. So i know first hand how things operate, no demonising just telling it the way it is.

Why don't you go to the hall with her and check out all the nice happy, loving, caring people down there as they completely ignore your wife.

All the best.

Welcome ptrehearn . Are you married (only you use the word 'partner')?

hi reniaa, as i have previously said i don't really have a problem with her wanting to follow the faith but i'm afraid i will never go to any assembly or kingdom hall as i don't agree with the many rules and do' and don'ts that jw's have, for one i strongly believe that everyone in this world has the absolute right to free speech and the freedom of reasonable arguement and to choose what we believe in and how we do it.

If she remains DFd and her children get baptised, they will be required to shun her.  This will be at least one reason why she will want to go back.

This quote is from their official website.

Cutting off from the Christian congregation does not involve immediate death, so family ties continue. Thus, a man who is disfellowshipped or who disassociates himself may still live at home with his Christian wife and faithful children. Respect for God's judgments and the congregation's action will move the wife and children to recognize that by his course, he altered the spiritual bond that existed between them. Yet, since his being disfellowshipped does not end their blood ties or marriage relationship, normal family affections and dealings can continue.

The situation is different if the disfellowshipped or disassociated one is a relative living outside the immediate family circle and home. It might be possible to have almost no contact at all with the relative. Even if there were some family matters requiring contact, this certainly would be kept to a minimum, in line with the divine principle: "Quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person [or guilty of another gross sin], . . . not even eating with such a man."

Chris

hi again

IF you are open and honest with your wife and you both love and respect each other then you maybe surprised that is isn't something as bad as you worry about, Any Faith in God is a large part of who a person is, these days when people have less commitment to God it's hard to understand by the average person that never goes to church or has a belief in God, the right anyone has to worship and follow the God of their choosing. but I wish you well and hope your wife enjoys the assembly if she goes.

Reniaa

she can get reinstated in as little as 6 months as a full witness.

REniaa

Hi ptrehearn

welcome

Is your partner trying to go back to gain greater access to her children?  If she is there are other routes she can take and then she can take her time about considering a return if that is what she really wants.

Jehovahs witnessess tend to keep tight hold of chidlren when one spouse gets disfellowshipped and they can make it seem that the only way to gain more access to one's children is by taking steps to being re-instated.  Whereas in reality she can keep the 2 issues separate - that of going back and that of gaining more access to her children.

edit: another point to consider is that her children are maybe uncomfortable with the fact that she may be destroyed at armageddon (hot topic with JWs at the moment) and that she wants to allay their fears.

edit: okay I just read that her children don't go to the hall anymore and that they are baptized

hi midwichcuckoo we are due to be married next month.

black sheep i believe her kids are already baptised as they have been brought up with the faith but they don't seem to go to the hall anymore, the shunning business is something that puzzles me actually because her ex IS a devout jw and she DOESN'T live in the marital home and lives with me (a non jw) but when she visits her sons at the former marital home neither her sons or her ex shuns her and they do eat at the same table, surely that would put them at risk of being df'd aswell.

hello. and welcome

she is disfellowshipped. when a JW is under this condition, other Jw's including the family will have to shun her.

maybe the law allows her parental visits, but the husband does not. so when these children grow up they will shun her.

in her head she has come to this conclusion, thus she figures to get re-instated before these children are old enough to shun her!

beware, after this step has gone through, pressure will mount on you.

she will go to 5 meetings a week, field service, home study and then you will have no time with her left.

she will mount pressure on you not to watch movies or tv the Watchtower deems deemonized.

these steps little by little put strain onm your marriage and voila! there it goes!

hi queitlyleaving, she is happy with the access that she has with her boys as they, and her know that she is free to go there anytime and they are most welcome in our home, i think it's just a case of her wanting to go back to being a jw again.

Born in doesn't mean baptised.

I am not shunned by my kids and parents.

Because I was never baptised, the Elders cannot officially take away their freedom to associate with me.

That is why I suspect that the kids are not baptised.

If they are baptised then they could be hiding their association from the Elders to avoid a JC.

Or, he is influential and either is an Elder or has the Elders in his pocket.

One thing I have learned over 57 years of association with this group is that honesty is something they give lots of lip service to, but never expect any when they need to defend the Cult, or their own self interests.

Cheers

Chris

the boys in my opinion are alreadt grown up as they are 19 and 21 yrs old

Reniaa, are you really telling this poster that if his wife goes back to the org and he remains a non-JW, that it's nothing for him to worry about? Shame on you, that is simply not true and you know it.

ptrehearn152, please read as much on this board and other resources as you can, beyond this one thread. If your wife decides to go back and try to get reinstated, you are in for a world of hurt. I am an UBM (unvelieving mate) and would not wish that on anyone. This is not a "normal religion," it is a CULT, and if you truly understood the implications I seriously doubt you would have "no problem" with the possibility of her returning.

You said that you "strongly believe that everyone in this world has the absolute right to free speech and the freedom of reasonable arguement and to choose what we believe in and how we do it" -- well unfortunately the WTS doesn't believe that AT ALL. You will not receive the same respect and tolerance in return, and that is putting it mildly.

Please please please research what all of this is really about and what it will mean to your actual life and relationship. You are in for a very bumpy ride :-(

An excellent factual resource: www.jwfacts.com. Good luck to you, I suspect you're going to need it.