I had that "itch" over the weekend.

You know the feeling...seperation anxiety. After that relationship with that "woman" went down the toilet I noticed one creepy thing. I had WAY too much time on my hands. I tried to keep busy but... Those thoughts of the past keept  creeping in. Thoughts of her ran through my mind. I hate it...I hate it so much. I tried to drive, It did'nt matter where, just anywhere. But that did'nt help at all. Everywhere I looked I saw HER. It's strange...she never crossed my mind at all until saturday. even hagning out with my cousin did'nt help because I was  still puzzeled on how someone could say they love you and would'nt trade you for nothing on this earth, and then just as quickly....Discard you like a used condom on to the street; sorry folks, but that's how I felt. At home I played music, old vinyl records to at least climb out of the funk. It helped, only a little bit though.

Then it happened...

She called me....

My heart stopped, then picked right up again. I was civil, talked about the weather and other things. But then she got down to the jist of it on why she called," I need my old cd back, you need to mail it to me here, ok? That was the only reason why I needed to speak to you. So please don't act all concerned; which you're not. In fact you should go back to the hall; where you belong."

God, if you exist, please smite me, smite me now.

What could I say after that? We parted ways, again.

Then after that I started playing my gangsta rap in anger, somehow hearing "aint no fun if the homies can't have none" by snoop dog. And "Aint nuthing but a word to me." By Too short suddenly uplifted me. I respect women, I LOVE women, but not those that treat people with disrespect and cruelty.I realize that as long as I'm fading, I'm in a weird space when it comes to relationships. I'm ok now...her numbers had been deleted from my phone, the big hurdle that I thought I could NEVER do;ripped up every pic I had of her. It hurt, but realized one thing, she was'nt my first, and she damn sure aint the last to love.

I feel better already.Thanks for reading.

jojochan.

 

Well, this is my first post I've read since waking up this morning and it seems it ended good jojo......you feel better. Sometimes you need a group of buddies to tell it to eh? I'm sure those feelings will arise again, but at least you know it's possible to live through them.

The best to you bro,

 

Gumby

Actually It's a coaster for my beer And I'm hiding from the JW she demuns as we speak, lol!

 and Gumby, thanks

jojochan.

Ha ha..Good for you!

Thanks Legolas

cheers!

The thing is now, I need change. I'm transferring from my clinic to another one because of there being too many memories of her and me . memories of me drawing her blood, memories of me looking after her,us laughing and talking ect. I have to get out of that place. I'm on my way to another clinic which the people there are more than happy to take me in. Which makes me feel better.

One day at a time, one day at a time.

jojochan.

JOJO

What CD did she want? The Watchtower CD-Rom?

I would scratch the hell out of it before I sent it. But make a copy first - they might become important to have later if the rumors are true!

Jeff

I would forget to send the said cd and somehow lose it and block her number

Josie

LOLOLOL! I'll look into that, thanks!

jojochan.

JoJo, sorry for the broken heart, it will mend!  Sounds like you are well rid of her and of course congratulations on escaping from the religion!  I know you are angry and I don't blame you, but sending that CD back scraped is a bit passive-agressive.  Either keep it and tell her you are keeping it, or be the bigger person and send it back to her.  She is the one in the control of a mind-numbing cult, not you. 

I know you'll find someone that you will connect with, and there are some hot women here on JWD so who knows!  There is such a thing as unconditional love.

All the best!

Sherry

Thank you Sherry. just a side note she was not a witness. The cd was a burnt copy of a r&b compilation of songs, which in fact if memory serves me; I gave back to her already. I made earlier posts about that subject already, it's a good read. Hey, with all this drama around...

who needs t.v?

jojochan.

Hi JoJo,

I'm sorry for your broken heart...but it sounds like you still love her, from what I've read. If you do, have you told her this? Can you?

I'm going to be the "hated" one on here with what I'm about to post...but I think it should be said. If you scratch, lose or hide the CD on purpose (assuming it's in your possession) and if it's hers it does several things. First, it creates "hate" in your heart that may have not been there or even make the "hate" more intensified. And who wants to live in hate? Hate only creates negative feelings that can mess you up for quite a while. Second, destroying something that's not yours can and will sometimes bite in the ass later. For example, I broke one of Dave's (aka AlmostAtheist) rocket launchers out of anger to "get him back". But after we reconciled I have felt very bad from then on. Even after I bought him another one, and he doesn't think about it, to this day it makes me feel bad for losing control. At the time it "felt" good to get even...but I'm paying for it even now.

This is just my humble opinion...take it for what it's worth.

Ok, now I'll quietly sneak back out..

I'm sorry, I got a chuckle out of that one That was sweet that you were able to get him another one.

but the thing is I still love her,but telling her would'nt work. I tried, and all she said was," Yeah, well...you'll get over it. They all do."

See what I mean? I finally came to the realization that I was used as a stepping stone emotionally. And I loved every minuite of it.....

until last week.

jojochan. 

Yes, I think Dave gets a chuckle out of it as well...and so do I...to a point.  But it was a lesson that taught me that real "pay back" comes at you one way or another. 

It sounded like you did...but, like others have said, there are "other fish to catch".  And you sound like you have a good heart and soul.  So true love will come eventually.  My advice would be to try to move on (which I'm sure will be hard) and get out there and find the "right" person.  Who knows, she may be doing you a favor and you'll find a person that's "right for you".  And take back control of your "self" being...don't be the stepping stone. And don't become a person that steps on others (which sounds like you wouldn't anyway), but protect yourself from being trampled on.  To me, she sounds like she's made her decission...and I'm sorry you have to go through this, but you will get through it. 

Anyway, good luck.  You deserve a happy life...we all do.

Thanks F.F that made my day. I totally agree on those points.

jojochan.. the waiting.

Don't worry too much there are plenty of women around it won't be long before you find another one.

hey jojo,

it's been awesome to see your metamorphosis during your trial/ordearl. she has no hold over you!



and just a thought from a woman's perspective (and i'm not saying this is all women), but it appears to me like she's playing mind-games with you. it's not like she can't go out and buy a new one. it's a friggin CD!!??!? it seems to me, she's trying to make you feel bad.



keep your coaster.

cheers.



calliopé

That's what I thought too. But oh, well... I feel that I'm above all that. She needed to act her age and not her shoe size.

thanks! and the beers on me!

jojochan.

see, i would send the cd back.. but first put in the microwave for a while, trust me, its the coolest thing youll ever see and it does no fdamage to your microwave... but the cd,... ha ha, shell need a new one...

i recently came out of two year relationship, and at the end realized, i dated a child for 2 years.... so im good now, met someone amazing on this site... and am just looking forward to finally getting to be with her...

the infamous one

JoJoChan you have my utmost respect. You've come out of a destructive religon shining. You have so much potential. The world is your oyster.

You deserve some one so much better. Someone worthy of you. Feelings won't fade for her overnight but now at least  you can begin to look at the relationship you had objectively. Learn from and it and keep on growing.

Realise and acknowledge the things about your personality and your body that truly make you unique. And women will begin to notice them also. This I can assure you of.

Regarding the CD do whatever you feel necessary for closure. It can be something as simple as mailing it without postage paid and making her pay for the postage when she gets it. Returning it without issue. Or whatever helps you move on.

Luv ya babe.