Top Tips - what are yours?

My top tip.

Jehovah's witnesses. Stay in your cult by shunning those that disagree with your leaders from Brooklyn.

or

SHOE EXPRESS customers. Throw your purchases away and wear the boxes instead. They'll be harder-wearing, more stylish and better fitting.

or

Rappers. Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.

Good tips NOT

Toothbrushes are very good for cleaning hard to reach places.  But you never want to make the mistake of using a cleaning brush to brush your teeth.  So what I do is tape the handle with masking tape or duct tape which means it's for cleaning.  I have more tips, but I can't think of any other now.

My top tip is 25% percent, but she was REALLY special

Tip #1

Do not reply to e-mails from work when you're drunk, you might hit REPLY TO ALL.

Never stick your todger in a wasp's nest.

N.Drew - We shouldn't brush off the idea!

Elderelite - That left a tart taste in m mouth!

Nomadsoul - So the boss isn't a schnook after all?

Wobble - Why, what happens?

Ummm.....

Never argue with a guy about the size of his - uh, "little guy"...

While we're on the subject, never laugh hysterically when he tells you what he's NAMED his "little guy"... 

El Zid - I hope the bloke isn't getting 'cocky' about it! Ooops!

MOTORISTS. Always have a hot pie in your hands in heavy traffic. Each time the traffic grinds to a halt, just reach for the pie. The instant you place it to your lips the traffic begins to move. This works especially well with the molten lava apple turnovers from KFC.

Never spit into the wind.  Don't tug on Superman's cape.  And don't mess around with Jim Slim.    

Heaven - Superman exists which is more than can be said for the god of the watchtower(TM)

CONVINCE your neighbours that evolution is working backwards by not shaving for a week, walking to your car gradually more stooped each morning and wearing a monkey costume on the Friday.

1. Take care of your feet.

2. Try not to do anything stupid.

Think About It

Never knock your granny when shes shaving

Never sit on a public toilet

Tell those special people in your life that you love them everyday

After not sitting on a public toilet, wipe it off.  

YOU are special Pams girl honey!  I love you!  

I hope peace has returned.

Peace is returned Nancy and all is well Thank you x

Never....no never, refuse a breath mint.

Floss. I say floss!

Use a tongue scrapper.

Be nice to your kids...

they get to choose your nursing home.

oz

Be yourself at all times.............

When you can't ....fake it!!!!

I never refuse a breath mint, and I take it as a hint

"...you be nice to me and I'll be nice to you. It's that simple." --M & m.

Yes, Oz, your kids will choose your nursing home. Wise advice.

You won't catch a disease off a public toilet. 

Never lick a cactus. Its not as much fun as it looks.