Jeff Foxworthy on Jehovah Witnesses

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    M moomanchu posted Mon, 13 Nov 2006 23:09:00 GMT(11/13/2006)

    Post 476 of 1498
    Joined 7/10/2004

    >Thought these were funny, please ignore if they're old news
    >
    >
    > These are some jokes that Jeff Foxworthy had to say about Jehovah's
    > Witnesses.
    >
    > The fact is that they are somewhat accurate. Although he is famous for
    > doing hillbilly redneck jokes, he must have a relative that is a Witness.
    >
    >

    > YOU MIGHT BE A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS IF....
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > ..."pioneer" is not a stereo
    >
    >
    >
    > ..."New Light" is not something in the housewares department, and "tract"
    > has nothing to do with land or farming.
    >
    >
    >
    > ...you know when Nisan 14 of the Jewish calendar lands in the
    > Gregorian calendar from year to year, and yet you commonly forget your own birthday.
    >
    >
    >
    > ..."Memorial Day" isn't in May.
    >
    >
    >
    > ...you spent days at a baseball stadium, never saw a ball, and didn't
    > even have a beer.
    >
    >
    >
    > ...you think "formal clothing" and "civic center" belong in the same
    > sentence.
    >
    >
    >
    > ...you wash windows or cars for a living and still own five suits.
    >
    >
    >
    > ...you think nothing of letting your friends stop by to use the bathroom.
    >
    >
    > ...you know the cleanliness of every coffee shop and bathroom for four
    > towns around.
    >
    >
    > ...you think 2-door vehicles aren't really cars.
    >
    >
    > ...you go to Home Depot and go down the aisle where doors are
    > displayed and you feel compelled to knock on them.
    >
    >
    > ...you can't buy a pair of shoes without thinking about how
    > comfortable they will need to be while walking residential streets in
    > 95-degree heat.
    >
    >
    > ...you have a tendency to refer to books by color instead of by title.
    >
    >
    > ...you have a shelf just for 192-page books.
    >
    >
    > ...you can't pick up a book, or anything else to read, without picking
    > up a pencil or highlighter too.
    >
    >
    >
    > ...you think it is complimentary to refer to someone as "a study."
    >
    >
    > ...you have "get-togethers" rather than "parties."
    >
    > ...after one of such "get-togethers" at your home, your house is not a
    > mess and you have more food than when you started.
    >
    > ...you realize things are getting worse, and you're thrilled.

    BCZAR2ME posted Mon, 13 Nov 2006 23:18:00 GMT(11/13/2006)

    Post 89 of 281
    Joined 10/31/2006
    you realize things are getting worse, and you're thrilled.

    How macabre!

    bczar

    M willyloman posted Tue, 14 Nov 2006 00:05:00 GMT(11/14/2006)

    Post 2514 of 3881
    Joined 6/19/2003

    Hate to be the one to break it to you, but the source for this is NOT Foxworthy. It's a take-off or spook of Foxworthy's classic "might be a redneck" that's been floating around the web for a long time. It IS funny, though!

    TheOldHippie posted Tue, 14 Nov 2006 06:45:00 GMT(11/14/2006)

    Post 1136 of 2316
    Joined 1/31/2001

    Now THAT was funny !

    F crazyblondeb posted Tue, 14 Nov 2006 12:43:00 GMT(11/14/2006)

    Post 1423 of 4007
    Joined 4/29/2005

    snoopy stars Dancing BananaDancing Banana rolling rolling

    F vitty posted Tue, 14 Nov 2006 12:59:00 GMT(11/14/2006)

    Post 2237 of 2551
    Joined 5/29/2004

    Ive seen this before, its very good but you really would have to be a witness or ex to write it or understand it

    M AK - Jeff posted Tue, 14 Nov 2006 13:01:00 GMT(11/14/2006)

    Post 3703 of 10727
    Joined 11/19/2004
    its very good but you really would have to be a witness or ex to write it or understand it

    Vitty - I wish I didn't understand it.

    Jeff

    M moshe posted Tue, 14 Nov 2006 13:39:00 GMT(11/14/2006)

    Post 799 of 9085
    Joined 1/18/2005

    My kids have been out for over 10 years and sometimes still forget my birthday- But I don't buy it for one minute- you see my son and I have the same birthday. I think that the JW cheapness has still stuck to them a little. They have no problem celebrating their own birthdays either. This year I have made up special magnetic calendars for all of us that have all our birthdays on them- no excuses for 2007.

    F rebel8 posted Tue, 14 Nov 2006 14:26:00 GMT(11/14/2006)

    Post 4271 of 10026
    Joined 1/13/2005

    I've read these on jw forums. Personally I think this is another jw urban legend; I don't believe Foxworthy really made up these jokes.

    F ButtLight posted Tue, 14 Nov 2006 15:33:00 GMT(11/14/2006)

    Post 2778 of 3780
    Joined 3/18/2005
    you go to Home Depot and go down the aisle where doors are
    > displayed and you feel compelled to knock on them.

    This one has me laughing. Cant you just see them sticking tracts in the displays?

    F LovesDubs posted Tue, 14 Nov 2006 18:06:00 GMT(11/14/2006)

    Post 1283 of 2144
    Joined 2/27/2001

    Not Foxworthy.

    M daystar posted Tue, 14 Nov 2006 18:27:00 GMT(11/14/2006)

    Post 4201 of 4777
    Joined 6/22/2005

    I can't find anything on www.snopes.com on this, but it's highly unlikely the Foxworthy had anything to do with this.

    Still, funny...

    F MsMcDucket posted Tue, 14 Nov 2006 19:16:00 GMT(11/14/2006)

    Post 2147 of 5735
    Joined 10/10/2005
    ...you spent days at a baseball stadium, never saw a ball, and didn't
    > even have a beer.

    How depressing.

    F mama1119 posted Tue, 14 Nov 2006 19:45:00 GMT(11/14/2006)

    Post 818 of 1143
    Joined 3/21/2006

    It wouldn't be funny to just anybody. I doubt he did it, but it is funny.

    aquagirl posted Wed, 29 Nov 2006 23:15:00 GMT(11/29/2006)

    Post 113 of 1383
    Joined 2/1/2006

    whoever wrote it,its a hoot!!!

    M hambeak posted Wed, 29 Nov 2006 23:20:00 GMT(11/29/2006)

    Post 716 of 1039
    Joined 3/7/2006

    That is great and he is truly funny and your right it is so stereotypically true of dubs

    M Anitar posted Wed, 06 Dec 2006 14:51:00 GMT(12/6/2006)

    Post 233 of 316
    Joined 4/18/2006

    ...you think nothing of letting your friends stop by to use the bathroom.

    Oh my God my mom lets them do that. She actually gave them a key once and they walked right in the door. My brother shot one of them, but he missed.

    Suffice it to say they never did that again

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