Do you think 13 is too young to...

My daughter is going to a school dance on Friday.  She is extremely excited because a boy she likes asked her to go to the dance.  She is in 8th grade.  Her 11 year old brother will be at the dance also.  This isn't the first dance she is going to and she is just meeting the boy at the dance.  So why do I feel like she is growing up too soon?

(((Troucul))), we can't keep her locked up.

Well from what I recall of that age from my daughters yup they are growing up too fast. One minute they are like little kids and the next they are trying to be adults.

I think of all the years this was the most difficult for me as a parent

You should have heard how exited she was when she called me at work to tell me the boy asked her to the dance.  Even if I wanted to, I don't think I could have dashed her spirit telling her she couldn't go.

Just think             Now we all know how our parents felt 

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/98274/1687223/post.ashx#1687223

Alreadygone,  purza said it all.   My daughter was 13 in the picture I posted above. In 7th grade.  I let the boy and his dad pick her up, my husband and I went out to eat, and just happened to drive by with a camera, and go in. 

It was beautiful.  Some of the 8th  grade mothers had planned it.   I took pictures, for about 15 minutes and left them all in good hands.  She loves all of the pictures.   And has some tacked up in her locker at school, and on her binder.   I am the only mother that took pictures.  You don't know how many copies I have made.      

She was glad I came, but didn't stay too long.   I picked them up afterwards,  he gave her a peck on the cheek when he got out.  I tried not to look.   She was on cloud 9.              

P.S.  I won a 2nd place ribbon for my picture!!!!!

13 is not too young to go to a dance. But, it is not too young to have a hormone ravaged young man put her under pressure to please him Ahhh, they do, do that. Those wonderful, cute guys! I just hope you have spoken to her about protection and how to gracefully turn those cute little boys down. She will then have a great time at the dance!

She's calling you up to tell you this?!  You must be doing something right.

Thanks for the feedback.

Purza that is exactly how I feel.  I want her to experience a "normal" childhood, but being raised as a JW, I don't really know what that is.  Trying to find a good balance is what it is all about.

HL, I saw the pics you took of your daughter when you originally posted them.  I remember thinking "they look like they are having a blast, they will remember that night for the rest of their lives."  I know my daughter is going to have those same kinds of memories.

Hopelessly, oh yes my daughter, son and I have regular conversations about boys/girls, sex, drugs and all that stuff us parents have to worry about.

Nicolaou, thank you that is really all a mother wants to hear

Just remember, you don't want to push them to hard ... freedom a little at a time, and let trust build up. Remember, your son will soon be getting to your daughters age and you will let him get away with stuff she would have never done. Because you will learn from experience that some things are just not that big of deal, after the fact.

The Beaver went to dances at that age too and that was the 50s. You're doing something very right with your daughter in that she's calling you to tell you what's going on...also, that something so innocent is so exciting. It's very sweet.

Trust me--when I was 13 my family was still in the Org but I was hanging out with girls who were pregnant at 12 and some of them were Witness girls. And I never told my mom what was happening with me or any of the kids I knew. She was one of the enemies.

Haha, try to relax.  My daughter is nearly fourteen and she has been to a few dances.  As far as with a specific boy, no.  She goes with her girlfriends then see's who will ask her to dance.  But she doesn't get all giddy about boys. GOOD GIRL...MOMMA TAUGHT HER WELL!  LOL!  Okay, I digress.

Definetely meet the boy AND his parents.  If either kid has a cellphone, get his number and get his parents numbers...both cell and landline.  I sometimes even ask for email address in case they are omn dialup and on their computer.  Make sure your daughters cell is fully charged and instruct her to never turn it off for any reason.  And to always answer it in a timely manner.  Tell her you won't tolerate having to leave a voice message.

Whoever picks her up, whether it's the parents or his older sibling, GET THE LICENSE PLATE NUMBER.

And I'm sure you have told her this already:  Trust is the worst thing you can break between us.  It is like a fragile vase that, when one tries to piece it back together, realizes it will be very difficult, if not impossible.  Trust and respect of that trust IS the bond between us.  I tell my daughter that it is partly her responsibility to respect that trust and not to break it.  If she feels, at any time, she may be in a position that it may crack (the vase), to think it through and recall exactly what respecting our bond will mean in either consequences or rewards.

Let her go but take all the preventative measures and give her firm guidelines.

They/ we are/ were only kids once.  These days in THEIR eyes and mind, is very important in many ways as far as self esteem goes. 

Good luck!

sKally

I don't think she's too young.  I think too many Witness kids didn't get the socialization necessary as children and teenagers that helps us make smart decisions as adults.  I realize Witness parents are trying to protect their children by preventing them from doing everything, but they don't realize it does more harm than good.  If my parents had allowed me to experience relationships with the opposite sex when I was at home and under supervision, then I wouldn't have made the dumb decisions that I made when I was living on my own.

Not at all. Both of my kids went to dances at 11 years old. Sometimes they went with somebody and other times alone. It is good for them to experience social interaction. Joel and I talked to them about what is age appropriate behavior and we also had THE TALK with them. We told them that they could come to us and talk about anything at anytime. Growing up is tough enough without feeling you can't talk to your parents about what is going on in your life.

IMHO no it's not too young to go to a dance with a boy.  If we were talking about getting into serious relationships or sex, it is too young for that.  Just be sure to give her the Richie/Joanie Cunningham dating speech.......both feet on the floor at all times, no open-mouthed kissing, knees together, etc. 

Thanks for putting my mind at ease.  We have had THE TALK several times so I feel comfortable that she knows what to and not to do.  Rebel8, I like the Happy Days reference, I'll have to integrate that into the next TALK.

K

Don't sweat it, alreadygone.  If you're not chaperoning, who is?  Teachers?  Any parents you and your child know?

My children, who went to parochial school, went to school dances beginning in grade 7, which would be around 13 years old.  I was a Witness mom and their dad is Catholic.  They could only attend on condition that I would be one of the chaperones.  I, too, had a camera handy, so I could cruise the parish hall from time to time under pretence (sp?) of snapping photos of my kids and their friends (which I did -- but the camera was a good prop for snooping as well).  The only dance I did NOT chaperone was the final Graduation Dance.  By then, both they and I had confidence they would behave appropriately while having a Last Blast with their grammar school friends.

outnfree

 

Defd said, "YES 13 is too YOUNG to allow her to go with boys..................................You are just asking for trouble or a baby........."



If you had read the post carefully, it said she was meeting him at the dance - your paranoia is showing. At 13 lots of changes are naturally unfolding, one of which is breaking out of old roles and expanding one's social environment, all part of growing up. A properly chaperoned dance is ideal for that.

to go to a chaperoned dance?  nope I dont think she's too young.  hope she has a great time