I just want this to stop!

As some of you know my husband became ill and we lost our house in Indiana.  My parents offered to help and although I really didn't want to do it knowing that my parents have limited resources I really didn't have a choice.  I also wanted to come back to a place that was familiar and where most of my family and friends are.  So we came and it's been almost hell.  My parents were able to secure us an apartment but they didn't have a rental agreement when we arrived which delayed getting my children in school by a week.  My parents came with me when I tried to get the kids in school, big mistake, Mother tried to bully and push her weight around and even threw a card at the poor lady who told her what she didn't want to hear.  All because I didn't have the stupid rental agreement!

Geez there is so much to tell on this sad tale but I will say this:  I had to go out yesterday and get another dead bolt lock.  My father has been harassing me, calling me names and demanding access to my apartment.  He claims he has the right to come in at anytime (he has a key) to make sure we are living right.  He's threaten to call social services about my kids. WTF?!!  He's threated to call welfare because I haven't found a job yet (he thinks I don't want to work yeah right, I got four kids (one with autism) and a disabled husband - I work everyday!).  He's even threaten to call the health department and bring them to my door (I do not live in filth).

So where is stands now is I'm not responding to anything my parents say.  I'm letting all calls from them go to voicemail.  I've changed that lock and when my father comes he won't be able to get in.  I just hope I don't have to call the cops. 

What a freakin mess

Josie

Wow bad news.....as someone who just got out of a nightmare situation with my wife's depression I can only say I hope and know things will change for you and get better.

Wow, that's incredible MrsJones.

You must be a rock to put up with all that!

When I've been in hard times the one thing that brings me comfort is knowing that all things change,

nothing ever stays the same.

And so sooner or later, hard times must change too.

Josie..What a frigg`n mess!!.........Don`t take any crap from your parents..Put them both in thier place now..Your going to have to do it,to have any peace in your life.................Good Luck!...........................OUTLAW

Mrs. Jones. I deeply and profoundly empathize with you. Things didn't go well when we moved to KNoxville to live my brother Evan, after Andy's accident. Family can mean well, but they can make your nightmares much worse. I hope things will end up a lot better for you as they have for me.

I'm so sorry Mrs. Jones!  I was hoping you were enjoying being back in Cali.

Restraining order mama.  I dont care if he IS your father, if he doesnt OWN the apartment you live in he does NOT have the right to enter any time he wants to. Nor would the real landlord. There are tenant rights.  If he doesnt quit harrassing you, get a restraining order.  When people help you it does not give them license to OWN you and CONTROL you and CHECK UP ON YOU. 

You are doing what is, again,  in the best interests of your family honey, sometimes that includes tough love.  Been there done that.

hugs, LD

Poor Josie.  My parents also aren't able to accept that I am grown and don't answer to them anymore.  Particularly my dad.  No matter how I live, I will never be "living right" in my dad's eyes unless I reach perfection, and then he'd probably criticize me for putting on airs. 

I've learned that, no matter how bad things get, I can never, never, never, ever ask for or accept any kind of help from my parents.  The price is always too high.  I was actually homeless once.  My dad offered me a place to stay~I preferred living in my car because I knew that, once he got his hooks into me, it would be excruciatingly painful to get them out.

I'm sorry things are tough for you right now.  With all the stress you have, this is just a little more stress that you don't need, eh?

Chin up.  We love you.  

St. Ann

I am enjoying being back home in California, Beks.  As long as I don't have to deal with my parents it's all good.  The kids are in school and doing great.  We've reconnected with family and friends and haven't even reached or seen everyone yet.  It's going to be a good summer.  I just have to kick my parents to the curb.

Wuz, yeah I looked up restraining orders and right now I don't think a judge would grant me one.  My poor husband is royally pissed and I've told him not to even think of touching my father (he's 68 and not in the best of health).  It's better to change the lock and call the cops if my father comes over and loses his mind.  Oh, and you read my mind, I looked up California Tenant Rights and my father doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Thanks Ann, if I had the choice I would not have accepted the help from my parents.  All I can do now is try and keep this from getting any crazier and pay my parents back as soon as possible.

Thanks everyone for your replies.  It's all been very stressful (hasn't helped the hubby at all, his pain episodes have been worst) and just talking about it here is helping

Love you guys

Josie

Very, very sorry to hear this.

Good heavens, Jonesie!  I don't have any advice, I am just speechless...

I really sympathise. We lost our house in January of this year to foreclosure, we'd only lived in it 9 months when our small business went under, we were  self employed contractors for 15 years in the same area and actually doing well until the housing crunch hit our area.

We had to move to another state for work and it's been rough, my troubles aren't anything compared to this. I only have to deal with my largely inactive JW parents by phone!

It was tougher when we lived near them, too, but only my mother was a critical busybody. But, no one has the right to just intrude into your home. The landlord should know that your privacy is being violated like this. You're doing nothing wrong, but of course, if you're not living just the way some think you should be, they will feel they're "helping' by doing this. Nothing could be less true. What shocking behavior!

We plan to alert the landlord tomorrow

Mrs. J - I know the feeling.

My crazy JW mom call social services on me once.  My kids were 2 mos, 2 1/2 and 5.  They came in stripped my kids searched my house, looked in cabinets, fridge, everything and left stating the charges were unfounded!  I was beyond pissed, the trauma this caused to my kids all because I refused to let her see the kids, take them to the meetings (or go myself) and she hates my husband because of course he's the reason I won't come back to Jehoover, I'm pissed all over again now just thinking about it, idiots

I know you guys are having a tough time right now and I truely hope things will get better very very soon.  I had to cut off all ties with my mother and father because they couldn't keep their noses out of my personal business, you may have to do the same.

nj

Yes, it's moving towards that.  The meaness displayed by my parents is incredible.  By allowing them to help us I've opened the door for them to try and control me and if I don't do as they say the abuse starts.  Just in the last week I've been called a liar and a thief just because I would not give them information about my personal business.  I'm in total defense mode, any trust I had in my parents is totally shot.

Josie

So sorry to hear about this Josie.

You had a lovely home in Indiana. I am sorry you lost it. I am sorry things are not going well in CA. I would pray for you - but I don't pray these days.

Jeff

Good thoughts are enough Jeff 

Josie

Hi Josie,

Just got in and saw your sorrowful tale.

I'm sorry and hope that you find a way to disentangle gracefully [?] from your parents. Are they Witnesses? If so, that doesn't necessarily mean they've got the famous fruits of the spirit in operation. Toxic is toxic ... regardless.

Love,

CoCo 

Yeah they're jws with control issues in full force

Hi,

Just read your about what's happening and I totally feel for you.  It sounds like you have a toxic relationship with your parents and you just have to keep them at a distance for sanity's sake.  I hope things get better.  Let those who build you up and support you into your life, and like you said.. kick all that other mess to the curb!