Visits with my family; Planting seeds...

The facts for those who don't know me: 39 years old, former elder, 3rd generation of 4th generation JW family, figured things out September 15, 2004, moved with my 18 year old daughter from Michigan to Southern California (July 1st, 2005) in an attempt to fade, still haven't told any family or JW friends about my position in this regard.

Was back in Michigan for a week over the Labor Day time period. (I know that was awhile ago.) I stayed with my older brother and sister-in-law for a couple of days. (Both zealous JWs. He an elder; she a 20-plus year pioneer.) While my brother was gone, she and I spoke for a bit. In conversation, she made a statement I was pretty shocked to hear. She was discussing how important it was for us not to be serving "an organization," because then we're not really cultivating a relationship with Jehovah. Then she made light reference as to how this may be difficult considering how the organization lays down so much for us to follow that we have little choice but to just do what they say. She also said, "Sometimes it seems like our organization is kind of...disciplinarian...y'know?"

I agreed with her, then shared the details of my disfellowshipping of a couple of years earlier. (I was reinstated thereafter.) I explained how, as an elder, I'd been doing some research on the subject of confession, and how surprised I was to discover that the Bible doesn't really teach that confession to men is necessary to receive Jehovah's forgiveness. I also shared how shocked I was to discover within the organization's writings that the WTS seems itself to recognize this--but how they can use it as a reason to disfellowship you anyway. I told her how it was my sharing this finding with brothers in my Judicial Committee that ultimately resulted in my disfellowshipping. She was appalled when I told her how the chairman (a close friend of mine) had called after my disfellowshipping, saying that, "In hindsight, I'm not sure it was the right decision." (That is, to disfellowship me.) I don't think she is anywhere close to believing that it's not "The Truth," but there was a little opening there, and I hope it opens more.

Later that week, I had dinner with my mom and dad. In their early 70s, zealous JWs, dad, an elder, has professed to be of the anointed since before I was born. My mom was asking me about the college classes my daughter was taking. My dad, balancing discretion with a desire to mimic WTS teaching, made a few comments about secular education. I made a few comments about how I was glad the Society had relaxed its position on college a bit. He became bothered by that, claiming that they never did any such thing. I got a bit loud, saying...

I reminded him of the Watchtower ten years or so ago that modified this a bit, stating something to the effect, that 'given the difficulty of meeting material needs today, it might be necessary for some to receive education beyond high school.' I knew it for a fact because I was the WT reader when that article was being studied.

Then his comments began to ramble a bit as to what the Society has deemed a conscience matter and what they've said wouldn't be. He even used the example of the YMCA, and made a not entirely relevant statement about how there is nothing "Christian" about the "Young Mens Christian Association." And how it's ultimately a part of "Babylon the Great." I couldn't hold back. I asked...

He became a bit cautious, first saying "Babylon the Great," and then saying either would be as bad. I paused, nodded, and then wimped out. I didn't get into the whole UN-NGO thing. Perhaps another time. But the thing I found interesting is that, especially while discussing education, my mother seemed to be very engaged, almost proud to hear me making the statements that I did.

I always recognized my mother as being a very zealous JW, but my sister-in-law made some comments about how my mom was always cross-checking Watchtower articles in the past--and frequently finding fault with some ot the things advanced by the Society. I don't think mom let me see this as a child, but it made me harken back to when she used to express such regret about not getting our teeth fixed as children. We had a JW dentist, and some of us (particularly my brother) had pretty crooked teeth. This dentist had told mom not to worry about getting us braces, since there'll be no need. The New System is right around the corner anyway! I remember her feeling a good deal of irritation over that.

Anyway, I'm presently on page 16 of my treatise, "Why the Watchtower Society is not What it Purports to Be." I may someday send it to my family, but right now it is really just for me. It is helping me articulate exactly my reasons for leaving this organization--and why I think they should too. Upon finishing this, I will feel I have what it takes to face them.

Hey, Jourles.... I'll send you a personal message on this...