Timing for coming out of the closet

Here's my situation.

I was raised in an extremely conservative JW family and have been one my whole life. I have completely stopped going to meetings several months ago. It has been a gradual fade for the past couple of years but all my WT activities have come to a grinding halt at this time as I no longer believe any of the things that were taught thanks to research that I have done on the org. and also thanks to all the info on this message board as well. It's hard for me to imagine that only a few years ago I was pioneering, giving public talks and was a respected member of the JW community as an ex-bethelite. The local JWs that I am acquainted with have no idea I have completely faded since I have told them I have moved and am attending a different congregation. My life has drastically improved in many ways since stopping these activities. The liberating feeling that comes from living guilt-free is hard to describe in words.

My JW family has no idea as well. My mother is a wonderful person. She is one of the most kind, genuine, loving individuals that I know. However, she is severely indoctrinated with the JW doctrines. She's about as hard core as they come when it comes to this. She's one of those ppl that practically worships the organization. She has no idea that I have completely faded out. She lives in a different area so she is totally oblivious. She thinks I am still an active JW although she has figured out that I am not as "spiritual" as I once was and have expressed her concern. My dad is not as hard core tho.

I'm at the point where I want to come clean and expose the things that I have found out to my family. However, I know it will completely devastate my mother. She'll think I have sold my soul to the devil. I would never want to do anything to hurt her in that way. At the same time, it burns me up inside to see my family being mislead in this way. I will need to come out one of these days, I know that. I am trying to find out the right time to do so where I can minimize the emotional turmoil that will inevitably result. Also, I would like to do it at a time where they might be able to comprehend and digest the information that I have accumulated about the WTS and see the vanity of it all.

The WTS appears to be losing steam. I guess I am waiting for the time where it has lost enough steam where even thoroughly indoctrinated ppl like my mother will have to question the validity of the org in the back of her mind. I am counting the days.....

I am interested in hearing what you have to say about when you think would be a good time to come out of the closet to put an end to this mindless charade.

Well from a mothers point of view...I would be more pissed the longer I was lied to!

What is your mother like when it comes to such things...would she want to know the truth or live in denial?

Watch the tower,

Obviously you are the one to decide when its right to come clean so to speak. However when you do be prepared for the worst. Be aware that you will hear it all of those that are'nt as open minded as they say they are. As in my situation, I was told that I was weak and fell into the grasp of the apostates. They don't want to discuss any issues. I am now treated like a plague. I hope everything works well for you.

When I told my parents that I didn't believe the truth for nearly 10 years prior to actually DA'ing they told me that they wished I had said something instead of wasting time in something that I never believed in. Much easier said than done when you have so much to lose though.

Does your mom have health problems that could be worsened by shocking news like this? That was a huge concern for me.

GBL

Depending on the age of your parents (i.e. if they are of advanced years) you might want to consider whether or not the cost is shattering their paradigm/relationships is worth your peace of mind.  If you are living your own life free, why live by their rules and DA yourself?  Just continue to live your life - you've done the hard bit by fading, and it's unlikely the Elders would do anything about you if they eventually found out (though that's never a certainty, as some are hardline).

Personally I felt I could only last so long, too, and I ended up DAing in my own peculiar fashion.  The result was traumatic for everyone concerned and the end result was a loss of family and wife.  I honestly can't recommend it, though it meant that I had none of those awkward followup visits and I could go to church etc. without looking over my shoulder

 

I'm afraid whenever you decide to "come out of the closet" you're going to find that (most likely) your mother will choose the organisation over you. It might be hard to stomach and you probably won't believe it, but there are many broken families here, including my own, to testify to the fact that the organisation has become their family over and above blood ties.

In your case I could well be wrong, but from what you've written above (highlighted) I would doubt it. In my case I wasn't about to fade for anyone, I just couldn't do it. In your case it might be the best thing. No doubt you'll receive conflicting opinions here. Whatever you decide it won't be easy. Just be prepared to expect the worse. That way, if everything turns out well, you'll have much to celebrate.

Ian

I made the rounds to some of my Witness relatives with facts about the Witness group. They all reacted violently and that visit was my last on the old terms. My parents were abusive as well as Witnesses. I chatted with them about the abuse as well as some Witness group highlights. Obviously neither subject was received very well. It did close a chapter for me and helped me move on and it did get me some closure on the abuse issue.

The loss I grieved wasn't the change in the relationship with my parents, it was the loss of two of my sons. I'd rather been dead than for that to happen. After, I could see I allowed it to be set up by allowing Witness people access to my family. A mistake I will not repeat.

Every connection to a Jehovah's Witness has a victim. Just read the posts on this board and read the stories on freeminds. This is a very bad group. People who give the Witness people access to your children are fools. 

 

     

WTT,

If you can keep working for change from the inside.  there are thousands of brothers and sisters that feel the way that you do.

The Revolution has started. You are not alone!

-Eduardo Leaton Jr., Esq.

I appreciate everyone's input. Coming out of the closet for me is not an 'if' but 'when'. My gut feeling is now is not the time. The after effects will be too great.  I think that there will be a time when it would be appropriate to take that action. I don't know when, all I know is when not to. That would be now.

It's quite an awkward situation to be in right now. It'll be tough biting my tongue when I visit them this winter.

Hi.

Timing for coming out of the closet, now literally;-))

see: Ford to begin monitoring potty breaks at Wayne Plant

http://www.autoblog.com/entry/1234000400065313/

E.

Sometimes family and friends will let you know WHEN THEY are ready to hear it.  Perhaps you can prepare by rehearsing in your mind HOW you will break it to them.

One significant thing is that you have already stopped giving anything to this devious organisation you no longer contribute, that's already a great move forward.

You're in a difficult situation.  Caution is the watchword.  Don't rush into anything and try not to let yourself get baited into a spritual discussion where you will get emotional and let your guard down.

You'll know when you're ready.  Until then, prepare yourself.  Know your thoughts, feelings and understandings of various doctrines and scriptures.  Remember, they will have the upper hand in any conversation because they can pop open a bound volume or the CDRom and get the answer to any spiritual question you pose.  You can't have all that reference material handy because it's cumbersome and from SATAN. 

Good luck.  I'm where you are, but it's not my parents I'm worried about it's my wife.  Different relationship, same problem.

 

What makes you think the after-affects will be any less if you tell them later?    Just my two cents, you're dreaming.  

You've gotten some good advice here.   Letting every JW know you're leaving by officially DAing is a very effective shortcut to NOT being able to reach your folks or any other JW family or friend with what you know.   The label scares them away from you and you will kiss those people goodbye on a permanent basis most of the time.

But if you need to do that for your own peace of mind, I understand.   However, if you wish to keep the JW family in your life, you'll be patient.   Maybe many years patient.   Not DAing yourself still gives you access to JWs and you can slowly introduce questions and concepts to them.   It may stick in your craw that you can't be *your real self* but think of it as a long-term investment strategy in helping your family.    You can reach them much more effectively if you have no "apostate" label on you.