Should I ask to be taken out of the school?

When I was TMSO I felt it was my duty to encourage peopleto stay on the school, and to enrol as soon as possible.

That having been said, there were a few who didn't feel they could do it, due to having a nervous disposition, etc.  That was fine - I left them off.

There was nothing more disruptive than someone not turning up on the night,as it affected not only the one scrabbling to prepare a talk at the last minute, but those around them (hehehe).

In the three years or so that I was TMSO I only had four cancellations due to ill health, and only on one of these did I have to cover the material in the talk myself.  Ironically this was while I was on the way out, and so I put my own slant on it

Fre2beme you are right, the speaking skills that I learned from the school have helped me alot, in school and in my job.

I really can't go to the school overseer and tell him that I want to go of the list because of the stress of giving a talk. I was normally the one they would call to give last minute talks I could put a talk together in 30 min if I had to. I also don't like the idea of cancelling at the last minute because then it places the burden of giving the talk on the sister that is the householder and I know that most of the sisters in the hall would be really upset if I did this to them, many of them are elderly and I don't want to put that kind of stress on them.

DF, what do you suggest I do?

 

lola

DF, what do you suggest I do?

 

Be honest with your feelings to him. I think this is how the old sayings goes, but "you can never do the wrong thing the right way, but you can at times do the right thing the wrong way."

By him do you mean Jehovah? Have you been honest with him yourself DFed?

lola, you're right about the other sisters.  But like I said, if you don't want to be in the school, and have asked to be taken off and are still scheduled, perhaps you can just let the TMSO know right away that a mistake was made.

You don't have to give a specific reason, just say you have some "personal" reasons right now and if it changes you will let him know.

You did mention that you don't come up on the schedule very often but are approached to do last minute talks.  You might bring that up and say that you also won't be available.

I can remember an elder who approached the TMSO and asked that his wife be put on the school.  The TMSO was new to the congregation and didn't realize that this elder's wife didn't want to ever be on the school.  So the unsuspecting TMSO scheduled her and she didn't show up that night, no call, and the husband acted dumb.  After the third time, the TMSO just took her out of the rotation and found out the real facts, that the husband wanted her to be in the school and have never asked his wife what she wanted.

When a JW pulls back from the so-called "privileges" of being a JW, there will always be a little suspicion but I wouldn't worry.

Blondie

 

Blondie there has been a big problem in my congragation with people not showing up at the meeting when they had a talk to give.The problem got so bad that we had not one but two special needs part on it with several comments every week about "letting your yes mean yes and your no mean no".

We have two schools the front and the back, so many began to cancell and not show up at all that some weeks we only had the front school because everyone in the back school had cancelled. There was a month where I gave three last minutes talks because the other sisters cancelled or just did not show up at the last minute. So i think the TMSO would get really annoyed if I began to cancell all my talks at the last minute.

 

lola

So you suggest that I go to my BOE and say "Hi brothers I just wanted you to know that I  am an active member at an apostate board, all the things that I have learned there have made me question whether we really have the truth, thats why I am no longer a pioneer, why I don't come to meetings or go out in service."

Do you realize how fast they would DF me? Tell me Dfed how did this work out for you?

Thanks for the welcome, Littletoe.

You could always say to the elder: " Due to unexpected circumstances, I need to be taken off the school.  Thank you for your understanding!"

IF they ask you :  "what unexpected circumstances?",  just say:  "I can't talk about it now.  Thank you for your concern."

Codeblue

Tell them that you get too nervous on stage, which causes you to get diareah,and your afraid of shi**ing yourself up there! 

If you start giving them all kinds of excuses they will only try to work with you more.

Well brother it sounds to me like you were less than honest with the elders.It is one thing to compalin about the congragation, they can live with that, but if you begin to question the society, well then you are in deep trouble. You and I both know that if our BOEs found out we were here they would df us.

Sis the question you posted was should I ask to be taken out of the school! I gave my opinion and I am sorry if it didnt suite you. I do not want to argue with you. I personally do not care what the Elders think of me. If I know I am pleasing Jehovah that is all that counts in my book. Obviously you have a problem with this "APOSTATE SITE" because you keep mentioning it. Or could it be you are implying something on my behalf? What ever it is, that is something that you have to deal with. SORRY I said anything!

D.

  Brother you telling me to go to elders and be honest about EVERYTHING is like the alcoholic telling the drug addict to stop using.

Touched a nerve didn’t I?

 

Lola

 

Do what I did.

I never really asked to be removed, but just kept having last minute health/other emergencies that prevented me from attending on the night I happened to be scheduled to give a part.

After about 6 or 7 times that I pulled some stunt and didn't show up, they got the point and I haven't been scheduled to give a part for over 3 years now.

SO WONDERFUL!!!

DY

Well if you decide to cancel last minute or no show then profess "female problems" to the elder responsible for the school. Most JW elders are notoriously prudish, more so than most and he should let you off the hook. Hey excuse to miss the meeting too maybe or at least sit in the back row with the crying babies and a good paperback novel.

I agree though, personal stress is a good way to ask to be taken off. Just tell him your nerves cant handle it. Fake a nervous breakdown on stage for convincing maybe. Drop all your notes doing a standup presentation, strand your householder and run to the bathroom and cry.

Personally the last talk I was assigned to before leaving sat on the coffee table with me not working on it for 2 months. Mom nagged and nagged then decided it would make me/her/jehovah look bad if I didnt have it prepared so she did it up for me...I went over it anemically with her as my practice householder. Night of the talk came. I got home from school and went to bed "sick". I never go to bed unless Im deathly ill and I never take naps. She asked me straight up if I was doing it to avoid doing the talk and I said of course not. That was as far as it went.

I knew people here who never used their assigned householder anyway because they liked to play favorites with someone they were comforable with. Several aunts of mine were not in the school out of nerves and people never looked on them badly. Though there was one woman in her 90's doing talks still making everyone look bad. Nearly blind and could hardly walk up the stairs, quite hard of hearing too. I always hated it when they assigned me to be her householder. Always had to go over it a million times and always at her house too. She talked slow and didnt grasp things so well.

After I started having extreme panic attacks every time I was asked to read, pray, or give talks, I tried just cancelling each time I had a talk.  However, it seemed that the TMSO was trying to call my bluff, because even after almost two years of this, he was still regularly giving me assignments.  I was even starting to get comments from others at the hall that I never showed up for my talks.  Finally I pulled the TMSO aside and tried to be honest, telling him I was having trouble with my nerves and would like to be taken off of the school for awhile.  He tried to talk me out of it but eventually said ok. 

That was about 8 years ago.  Since then I have never rejoined the school, and even though it is supposedly voluntary, I was never really given other privileges.  Anytime I would ask about being used for sound, etc, I got asked why I wasn't on the school.  I think it is much harder for brothers to shy away from the school than sisters because of the difference in how they are viewed by jws. 

Lola, I always like to think that honesty is the best policy, but in this case it really hasn't worked out for me.  Being honest about my panic attacks has only led to brothers blaming it on other things, ie - not enough faith, ashamed of a secret sin, not trusting Jehovah, etc.  At my hall they have even started giving counsel during the Ministry School that being nervous is not an excuse to avoid giving talks because everyone gets nervous and the only way to get over it is to give more talks.  By the way, I gave talks for 16 years (my first number 2 was when I was 4 years old, and had regular assignments until I stopped at about 20 years old), so I don't think it's a matter of making excuses.

Unfortunately, I think it's a game that has to be played in order to not attract too much attention to yourself (if that is your aim).  I have found that the best way to deflect pressure from the brothers is to act as though they are making me discouraged and taking away any motivation I have to progress.  This seems to work extremely well and usually sends them running the other way. 

Just my 2 cents worth.

I liked doing parts on the TMS, but I am an attention whore!