BECOME A JW AND YOU CAN'T

(courtesy of http://www.jwfiles.com/jw-cant.htm)

BECOME A JW AND YOU CAN'T
Celebrate Mother's Day
Celebrate Father's Day
Celebrate Grandparent's Day
Celebrate Birthdays
Celebrate Thanksgiving
Celebrate New Year's Day
Celebrate Christmas
Celebrate Halloween
Celebrate Easter
Celebrate Flag Day
Celebrate Independence Day (Fourth of July)
Celebrate Hanukkah
Celebrate St. Patrick's Day
Celebrate Valentine's Day
Celebrate "Any" Holiday
Sing any Holiday Songs
Eat turkey on Thanksgiving
Join the Boy Scouts
Join the Girl Scouts
Become a Cheerleader
Attend class reunions (No "Worldly" association)
Go to the school prom
Play School Sports (No competition allowed)
Play Professional Sports
Join any organization that has ties to Christianity
Shop at the Salvation Army
Volunteer for the Salvation Army
Shop at Church run thrift stores
Shop at Church Garage Sales
Shop at any Store that has Christian ties
Contribute to the Red Cross
Join the YMCA
Join the Military
Attend Alcoholics Anonymous
Salute the Flag
Sing the National Anthem
Go to War
Own a Gun
Learn karate
Vote (Conscience matter now to please Governments, you will be ostracized if you do)
Run for any Public Office
Campaign for a Candidate
Can join union, but not participate in its affairs
Buy lottery tickets
Gamble
Date without supervision - young or old
Watch R rated movies
Cannot work on another Church if it's a regular customer
Smoke cigarettes, pipes or a cigars
Sell cigarettes, pipes or a cigars
Accept Blood
Donate Blood
Wear blue jeans or casual clothes to the Kingdom Hall
Wear pants to the Kingdom Hall if you are a female
Wear skirts or dresses that are above the knee at any time
Wear any type of long hair if you are a man
Wear a beard in some Kingdom Halls and areas (judged hard)
Pierce ears if male, other body parts if female
Have any Tattoos
Say curse words
Toast drinks (pagan origin)
Throw rice at a wedding (pagan origin)
Say "Bless You" when someone sneezes
Say "Good Luck!", "Wish me Luck", "I was Lucky" or "You were Lucky"
Tell ghost stories
Practice Yoga
Own a Smurf
Watch TV shows, "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch", "Touched by an Angel", or "Bewitched"
Say "It was fate" or mention anything to do with "fate"
Engage in any risky acts such as: Sky Diving, Bungie Jumping & Hang Gliding
Have Jesus as your Mediator and Savior
Wear or own a Cross
Attend another Church (Spiritual Fornication)
Associate on a regular basis with nonbelievers
Associate with ex-members
Associate with disfellowshipped ones
Talk with disfellowshipped ones
Marry a nonbeliever (If you do, you are judged hard by the congregation)
Marry in another Church or attend a wedding in another Church
Have a funeral in another Church or attend a funeral in another Church
Pray, including holding your head down, when a nonbeliever prays
Study other religious articles not from the Society
Read negative information about the Society
Question the Watchtower Society on anything
Exercise your on conscience if it goes against the religion
Question Anything!
Have Christian freedom
If you are a woman you can't pray in the presence of men, without a covering on your head

Become a Jehovah's Witness and you shouldn't....
.... if you do you will be looked down upon

Discuss politics
Get on the Internet
Attend social functions organized by your place of work
Associate with worldly neighbors
Attend College (The Society has lightened up on this somewhat, but if you attend you are not putting Kingdom interests first, and will be judged.)

Become a Jehovah's Witness and you have to....

Attend several regular meetings each week
Go out in field service regularly to recruit new members
Report your field service activity to the congregation each month
Attend regular scheduled conventions
Give talks at the congregation (whether young or old, male or female)
Read and fully understand their teachings
Prepare for each meeting
Study with family
Fully accept the Watchtower's authority and rules (no exceptions)
Dress according to their rules at the Kingdom Halls, Service and conventions (no exceptions)

Women and small girls must wear dresses
Men must wear dress pants with dress shirts and ties

Associate only with fellow members
Report on fellow members including your family, if they are caught doing something against Society's rules
You have to sing at the meetings (even if you have a bad voice) - or you are looked down upon

Peace - LL

Ohh, so happy i can bee, I must bee free real free, who not are forced to celebrait all this diffrent days, and how much money I save.

FUNNY I been an JW fore 50 year, and dont understand what i missed,

perhaps the most JW not are like you  think, blind fools,internet??, ,

who can  check this out??

I dont think you now the modern JWs do you?

Today i was shopping some stocks, this terribel market who take all my money.

Well tomorow i must go and look on my fotball team, perhaps i give my son some nice gift, he was 24 some days ago.

And sunday i have party widh my working vd friends testing beer , diffrent sorts.

Never to forget my 2 our on internet checking out whats happend  and I can tell you I am not alone.

On this journey, i also have to disscuss widh my boys, who are sooo happy because they have read that in Canada it is free to smoke mariujana, they even say it is less dangerus than beer," this crayzy canadians, " can they never understand who dificult it is to learn boys not to take this stuff???

And yes also i have this meeting on sunday mornig, to  have some spirutal food also,

learning that wee must bee nice to all, love and care is very important,

if i have time perhaps some hour in service, to tell people that we have a future on earth , reading Dan 2:44, and rev 21:4

I have some peopel who i think waiting fore mee, living in a mess, widh no hope at all.

So there you have some day in a JW life in sweden

i say this to this peopel who belived we are idiots who are complitly insane, as the post before look like.

 

 

Happyman: Strangely, it seems that Dubs just love the savings incurred when they don't have to celebrate all those goshdarn BD parties and Christmas and Easter! This in itself is not strange, as they are not encouraged to be well off materially by their Masters in the first place, so it makes sense in a twisted way!

Umm,    Larry?  You forgot sex before marriage.

Happyman,

I think we know the modern J W's only to well. Many of us have family who are still fooled by the crackpot teachings and follow the Borg

In reality there is of course some leeway on conscience matters but Larrys list is pretty darn accurate. Well done Larry!

Happy Man

Are you happy beacuse you have been a member of UN for 10 years?

Larry

Becoming a Jehovah's Witness one does not have to give up (unscriptural) gluttony.

 

 

Edited by - Haereticus on 6 September 2002 16:19:53

Good List!  That must have taken some time.

I was thinking the other day how cool it is to be able to say "bless you" when someone sneezes.  Now people in my office don't think I am an ill mannered religious fanatic when they sneeze. 

But it is funny how I still feel a twinge of fear when I say "lucky".

hee hee, it's good to be free.

 

 

Great list Larry!  I thought of a couple of CAN'Ts:

Engage in oral or anal sex or any other "deviant" behaviours (subject to Society interpretation) with your spouse
Engage in any sexual positions other than missionary (try it then talk about it and see what happens)
Undergo hypnosis
Gamble
Buy lottery tickets
Attend office holiday parties
Tour cathedrals (it's false religon)
Become a model
Become an actor (unless you become widly successful and contribute lots of money to WTS)

A couple of SHOULDN'Ts:

See a psychologist/psychiatrist/counselor
Use email
Report child abuse to police without first going to the elders

Wow, no wonder I was tired all the time!