An Introduction

Well.. I've been here for a few weeks but still feel like a relative newbie. Not even sure what to say or if I should be saying it. I just wanted to introduce myself as much as I'm able to. I'm still 'in' so to speak although mentally 'out'. I'm a born-in in my 50's and an elders wife with all my family active JWs, so it's a hard place to be. I'd always had some doubts over the years, but the 'generation lap' really did it for me. Nothing has felt quite the same since but I could never put my finger on it. Of course I still believed the organisation was being directed by Jehovah, I went along with it but inside I was troubled. Then one day I came across Crises of Conscience by Ray Franz. I read it in three days. It overturned everything I had believed in, but strangely it didn't surprise me. After that I read in Search of Christian Freedom, that took a little longer as I wanted to take in everything. Then I read Captives of a Concept by Don Cameron. After that I was reading every 'apostate' website I could find. I know there is no going back but I still have to attend meetings and do a little FS just to keep up appearances. Fortunately the congregation I am in is a very easy going one so I don't feel under any pressure but it is still hard to listen to talks where GB worship goes on. I still love God and Christ and the Bible (I know many of you don't anymore). But I'm very much a 'live and let live' person, always have been really, that's my 'real' self. I think that's why I always have had a problem being a JW because the 'control' was always too much. My beliefs are mine and mine alone, I don't want anyone else to come between me and what I believe in and I won't do the same to anyone else. To me it's all about Freedom. Even if I feel somewhat trapped, at least my mind is free and that feels good.

We're very happy that you've joined us. I'm very glad that you've read those books. They answer so many questions.

Edit: May I also recommend Steve Hassan's first book. It's entitled, 'Combatting Cult Mind Control', and it can give you some suggestions on what not to say to JWs, when attempting to awaken their critical thinking skills. It will also help you to identify and elimiante irrational fears that you may have as a result of the indoctrination.

Welcome to JWN.  Does your (elder) husband know about this?

He knows I've read the first book and that I've looked at websites. He knows how I feel. 

Wecome tornapart!  I have enjoyed your posts.  God bless you for finding your way.  

tornapart, welcome! It's nice to be formally introduced since we've exchanged points on some other threads. 

I'd like to second leavingwt's recommendation about reading Steven Hassan's books. For my money I found his second book, Releasing the Bonds more helpful. But they are both good and a necessary step in your healing and in the potential to aid others. 

00DAD

So you're husband knows you have read and continue to read "apostate" literature but he hasn't outed you??? 

Hmmmm, very interesting! Perhaps he has his own doubts and didn't know how to raise them with you. Either that or he just wants to avoid dealing with it. The shame of having his own wife disfellowshipped for apostasy might be holding him back. 

Keep us posted! 

Yes, 00DAD.. he'd never out me! In fact he told me to be careful what I say because he wouldn't be able to protect me if it went too far. He does have doubts himself but not enough to make him want to leave. We talk about stuff and he respects my rights to believe what I want to believe. :)

"It overturned everything I had believed in, but strangely it didn't surprise me."

My sentiments as well. Welcome to the board.

Welcome and thanks for sharing your story.

Hi Sis,

Thanks for sharing your story.

SIAm

Would like to add my welcome to you. In a way you're in a 'good' position, with an elder husband who allows you to think 'against' the GB freely, but still unenviable to be still somewhat trapped in the WTBS. I admire your pursuit of real truth, and I look forward to your future posts, they should be interesting as things develop for you.

Loz x

Welcome to the forum.  

How wonderful that you are not getting flack from your husband.  That in itself, is a blessing.  

Adiva

Welcome tornapart!  As I was reading your post I was hoping that you would turn out to be my mother but that would have been too good to be true.  One day maybe.  Anyway we are here to support you as you will likely go through many phases of emotions after reading what you have and will continue to learn.

Thanks very much guys.. ex360shipper.. I often wish I might find my kids on here! LOL

tornapart: We talk about stuff and he respects my rights to believe what I want to believe. :)

Good for you, but you DO know that he is being a disobedient JW elder for allowing this. 

tornapart: he told me to be careful what I say because he wouldn't be able to protect me if it went too far

While I understand WHY he would say this because of the loyalty binds that WTBTS doctrine creates, I also understand that it is a completely unscriptural, un-Christian and ultimately a very unloving policy. 

Families are supposed to protect each other. But this "religion" forces people to protect their fantasy doctrines promulgated by completely unqualified men. And it's even worse since the invention of the Governing Body. Before at least the average JW knew who the earthly leaders were. Now they hide behind the anonymity of this mysterious group. Try as hard as you might and it's next to impossible to find out anything meaningful about any of the current 7 Guys from Brooklyn on the Governing Body beyond their names. 

And yet this secretive cadre that operates with a complete lack of transparency demands blind obedience to an incoherent set of doctrines and policies that clearly do NOT make better people and in fact separates families and causes untold and unnecessary pain and hurt. 

You've got a bunch of unqualified, uneducated yahoos so full of their own self-importance and their delusional visions of grandeur believing they really are the "anointed of Jehovah", so intoxicated with the idea that they are the GOVERNING BODY that they seem to be completely oblivious to the fact that their teachings are incoherent, inconsistent, contradictory, unscriptural, and filled with error. But the most incomprehensible thing to me is that THEY NEVER EVER ADMIT A MISTAKE! Do they really think nobody notices? 

Clearly they are mentally unbalanced. 

00DAD

tornapart, you have a PM

One back to you too 00DAD

Got it and back at you!