Elder wants to come for shepherding call

we are newly fading (actually, mostly disappearing).  i haven't been to meetings in about 3 months maybe and hubby hasn't gone in a month or more.  i certainly don't plan on returning, hubby is still undecided.

anyway, an elder called and wants to come do a shepherding call.  (this has nothing to do with the CO coming into town next week, i am sure, LOL).  so how do i play this?  do i just smile and nod?  say something?  say nothing?  i don't want to out myself quite yet, and not sure i ever will.  i'm still trying to decide if i want to stay in and play the "weak" card or DA myself.  i just dont' want the elders to be the ones to make the call on what happens, kwim?

tips appreciated for how to sit thru this visit with a straight face.  thanks!

Tell him you're [depressed, tired, discouraged, you-pick-it] and that you're just  not up to a visit right now. You will call him when you would like a visit.

If he (or anyone else) calls later to try to set up the appointment, just tell them you're still not ready, thank them for their concern, and hang up.

If they come to your house unannounced, tell them that now is not a good time, please call before coming again, and gently but firmly close the door.

Wash, rinse, repeat as needed.

"I would love for you to visit with us. Unfortunately, I will be unavailable. I'll call you back if something opens up."

Repeat as many times as necessary until he gets a clue.

If he does visit, tell him how much you love Jehovah. DO NOT under ANY circumstances say anything even remotely negative or critical of WT.

He is looking for some verbal confession that you do not believe the Watchtower has "the truth" so to Disfellowship both of you.  If he should ask why you haven't been to the meetings - use the "feeling depressed" or "stress" card.  Worries about work or personal issues.  Basically, it's a witch-hunt ... stand your ground and play innocent.  Don't give him any ammunition to take back to the congregation to summon you for a Judicial Committee.  

              "Unfortunately, I will be unavailable. I'll call you back if something opens up".....LWT

                              I like it!..

                                ...................................OUTLAW

I just said I didnt have any time, work was crazy and my health was bad. After nagging for 3 weeks straight, the only person that ever remotely cared enough to harass me to "encourage me" gave up. They had personal investment in the situation, otherwise they probably wouldn't have been as pushy.

Dont say anything negative or critical as said. You may even want to avoid saying you might have a problem with any part of the WT even just people you know sort of thing as they will have an excuse for everything/everyone and it will come back to you "being unreasonable" [which is not the case].

Saving for future reference.

To quote the great Grandmaster Flash from "White Lines" - Don't Do It!

LeavingWT nailed it - keep the power by dictating how things go and play the game that way.

Keep positive and upbeat - another one I like from here is "Thanks for your concern, but just so you know we are doing well and are in a good place spiritually - we'll be in touch if we need anything!"

Either use the 'depressed' / 'stressed' / 'not in a place to meet with you right now' routine (highly effective), or if you want to mess with their schedule / time a bit, make an appointment but don't be there.... leave a note on the door 'sorry, had to go to the doctor on short notice, didn't have your cell #.'  Even more fun is to be home-but-hiding when they do this.  When they call back, rinse and repeat.  They will eventually leave you alone if you make it difficult to meet in person.

"What day were you planning on coming, I have to get the Christmas decorations out of storage?"

Something you could try for a laugh.  If you're fading, just don't return their calls to set up an appointment.  If they show up unannounced tell them you're feeling ill and now would not be the best time to see you.  If they ask you when pick the grossest sounding disease and go with it.  Tell them you have Swine Flu, or Ebola.  OK so probably not Ebola.

hold them at arm's length...
if they are anything like the
elduhs here, they wont ask
twice....

First of all, screen your calls.  Don't answer if you don't know who it is, let the answering machine/voice mail get it.  If you don't have an answering machine, get one.

But if he should get through on the phone...

I said something like this:  "Thanks for the offer, but I'm in a good place right now.  If I feel the need to talk or ask any questions, I'll call you..."

In the end, it's your home.  You don't have to let anyone in that you don't want to.

But if you give in and allow them over...

Just let them yammer on and try to not answer any questions or involve them in debate.  If you have to, lie use Theocratic Strategy and tell them what they want to hear.  Also, be sure to present yourself as happy and satisfied.  They're expecting to see someone who feels guilty and ashamed.  Show them the opposite.  You couldn't be happier or more satisified with your current situation.  It will confuse them.

What are your objectives if they do come calling? What are your concerns, if any? Do you have any family that you might care about?

Do not play their games at all, however you can be coy and or ever so slightly disingenuous.

I faded quietly and it worked for me, i have a daughter who is a jw, with whom i wished to maintain a relationship.

I also survived a meeting with them too, and i knew that they were trying to df me, it was very easy to dodge their predictable line of reasoning.

Regards David

my objective for this meeting is to make them happy so they will go away and not come back for a while.  i have no desire for drama at this point (or ever really) because i have not told my family yet. 

however, i do want to have the meeting held by agreeing to an appt with them.  i do not want them just "dropping by" someday as i have a really pretty christmas wreath i am going to hang on my front door in december.  LOL!

Personally, I'd make a trip to the store and stay there long enough for them to finally be gone, but that's me. I won't meet with them if my life depended on it, and it doesn't even if they say it does. Your situation is yours and no one is the same.

just to set things strait: most likely its not a witch hunt, it may even be sincere concern.

however, maybe the elder is the type, that feels uncomfortable doing sheperding calls (many do), but he feels he must do the duty.

so help him out, by following the advice of the other posters, thanking him for the concern, but atm you are not able to receive him.

you may do it a few times, then he will give up, in a way even satisfied, because he thinks, he tried as much as he can.

then he has an excuse to himself (or other elders or CO).

Blow it off.  Make sure that every time they suggest a time for a meeting, you have something to do that time.  If they set up the meeting without your approval, blow it off.  If they come to your place at the given time, prepare to look busy (even if you are only doing your "sun worship" shopping).  And, if they try to force you to meet, that might be what "stumbles" you.

Some good idea's given...I wonder how long before they make it a DF or DA offense to be too busy to meet with elders?

you got to fake the appreciation for their concern but hey this is "theocratic warefare" you can use the enemies tactics against him.

Thank you brother elder, right now things have been so hectically out of control with work/kids.  Can I let you know whent to come around. ta ta

Nah! Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave