Ministerial servant mentions more "empty nester" JW couples getting divorced

I was talking to a ministerial servant today, and the subject of marriage came up. He said something very interesting, that recently many of the friends he grew up with in the truth (he is in his 30s) are on their second or third marriage.

He also talked about a more recent phenomenon that more empty nester JWs (couples whose kids have left home), are deciding they don't want to stay together and are getting divorced.

We're talking about couples who have been married 20, 25, 30 or more years suddenly deciding to call it quits and it's not necessarily that they are looking for someone else; they simply want out of the marriage.

Divorce does seem to be on the increase in congregations, especially the last one I attended.

It reminds me of a scripture in Malachi we would sometimes hear about "not divorcing the wife of your youth"

Why do you think divorce and separation are on the rise among long time married JWs?

its probably bad enough waiting for armageddon let alone being stuck with a partner you cant really stand being with until it arrives.

if theyre not spiritually free to remarry and armageddon came tomorrow, does that mean theyd be stuck in limbo unable to remarry for all eternity?

wouldnt that be worse than coming back as a resurrected neuter with the feelings programmed out?

Good point Nelly!

It's true, and in my opinion, evidence that the GB doesn't have the control they once had...

Is it because people are realizing that Armaggedon is not coming soon enough to resolve any defects or issues in their marriage?

I don't understand it - couples who have been together 20, 30, even 40 or more years just deciding they've had enough. These are people who we would consider "old timers" in the truth.

I think the real point here is that there children are all grown and responsible to God for their future (in their mind).  The old cliche of staying together for the children but with a jw twist.  There were weddings every weekend in my area (sometimes 2) starting in 1973 until 1975.  Many hardly knew each other, in one case only 6 weeks.  The rumor going around them that there would not be marriage in the new system even for the GC survivors.  So if you wanted to get married and/or have children it was now or never. (see the marriage vow used by the WTS below).  Although this was changed in 1969, this concept was still strong.  So I see those from my generation now getting divorced having rushed into a hasty marriage and now having children able to be responsible for their own eternal future.

***

The minister will then ask the man to repeat after him:

"I, ________, take you, ________, to be my wedded wife, to love and to cherish in accordance with the divine law as set forth in the Holy Scriptures for Christian husbands, for as long as we both shall live or until the divine termination of the marital arrangement."

Then the minister will ask the woman to repeat after him:

"I, ________, take you, ________, to be my wedded husband, to love and to cherish and deeply respect, in accordance with the divine law as set forth in the Holy Scriptures for Christian wives, for as long as we both shall live or until the divine termination of the marital arrangement."

It's hard to compare marriage today to marriage in the past. People in general are living longer than ever before. So we don't really have experience with remaining married for so long. Maybe it just doesn't work.

So are these people getting DF'd for getting divorced? There's NO way they would change their rules on this. Right??

I think the divorce rate is close to the average rate of where the couple are living and yes that might go up to 50%.

The apparent realization that Armageddon may not be coming as predicted must have some effect on couples coming to realize

they are not happy together and therefore as such are more motivated to separate. 

Personally I always thought the JWS was pretty pathetic regarding couples with marital problems, probably not the worst of religions

but certainly not the best. There is the situation where when the children leave essentially putting more of a focus on their relationship

and if not a very good one the two look into separate. Possibly when one of the members of the marriage realizes that the JWS faith is a farce

they too may look at the marriage as being a farce and its deemed necessary to make a spit. 

This religion has the real propensity to break up marriages if one member stops believing and stops all associations with it.

Once couple I know had the C.O. over for a meal. While they were sitting in the living room the wife told the husband, I hate you, I've never loved you and I want a divorce. I am through with this. The meal was spoiled. They "had" to get married when they studied to become witnesses. The child was old enough to go on thier own and it was time to dump the jackass she was married to. The C.O. wont forget that meal! W.Once

I was married over 20 years.

It was wrong from the beginning.  And I felt like I was the only one in the marriage who was even trying. 

I really believe part of the problem is that the society is decades behind what is really happening in the world.

It is getting harder and harder for a family to live on one income.  More and more women are having to work outside the home.  But the men in the Org are still being taught that women should be "workers at home."

I worked a full time job, did ALL the cooking,c leaning, laundry, meeting preparation, study with the kids, I DID IT ALL.  All I needed was a little help. But men in the Org are continually taught that is "Woman's Work."

I think I just finally gave up.

I've noticed that it just takes one couple in a congregation to separate for the 'flood gates' to open and several others to follow suit, almost as if it was a game of chicken to see who could stay in their rotten marriage the longest.

I think like most other poeple in general, people get divorced for many reason, and sometimes because marriage is just plain difficult. Though I think that this trend is somewhat alarming within the JW world. I don't think that it is really all that much of a schock to many outside of the witnesses. I personally have seen many people (non-jw) who were married call it quits after 20+ years of marriage. I think the reason why it comes as such a shock is because as witnesses were always told of extreme cases of 'worldly' people getting divorced all 'willy-nilly' for any reason. But us witnesses, we were special and able to make things work and stick it out no matter how difficult they were (all you need is a prayer and some WT articles to make things work). I think that marriage is difficult for anyone (Both JW and Non-JW), and witnesses aren't immune to the same challenges that affect the worldy people. In fact I know of a lot of young witnesses (30 and under) who are already divorced. I think if you go into it with blinders on, thinking that god will help you, or you marry for the wrong reason from the get-go it's bound to fail no matter what!  

Maybe the modern day JW is just more honest and realistic, and if the marriage is heading for the rocks, the decision to divorce is no longer seen as such a bad thing.  I'm still happilly married to my wife of almost 38 years.  I'll be even happier when she quits the JWs.  Hopefully, that won't be too many years from now!

That's what you get when all the time gets sucked into field circus and boasting sessions, and everything you do in the bedroom is what the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger tells you.  There is no money, no personal authority (for either partner--men are subject to the congregation hounders, women are subject to the men who are too often tyrants), and no excitement.  Very often, the "marriage" is only a way to have a partner in field circus all the time.

Yes, they marry for all the wrong reasons.  They are told to give up all the characteristics they are really attracted to--physical beauty, money, ability to run a household, not being excessively pushy, and being intelligent.  Instead, they are supposed to be attracted because they are pio-sneers, or because the husband-to-be is a hounder or working hard in that direction (and not set aside for the Value Destroyer Training School by the other witlesses).  That is almost a guarantee that it will end in divorce or will stagnate into a completely loveless sham "marriage".

So I see those from my generation now getting divorced having rushed into a hasty marriage and now having children able to be responsible for their own eternal future.

Blondie has it on the nose.  I want to add one point that wasn't mentioned- it's the most important point.  Let's face it.  JW's mostly married for SEX.  Teens married for SEX because they weren't supposed to get it without marriage.  Anyone past the "bloom of youth" still married for SEX.  Many were totally incompatible or only had WTS in common.  They stayed together for the sake of the kids or to wait for "the end."  The kids left and waiting was getting old.  They may not have enjoyed the sex as much as needed to stay together.  Certainly, sex won't sustain most people anymore when they want more out of life at an older age, and more out of their partner. 

I imagine that most of these divorced older "empty nesters" let WTS into the bedroom and ruin that too.

Compare divorce rates with other religions.

Just to support the statement that most JWS are indeed procured hastily for the reason of having sex.

I think this adds greatly to destabilize the marriage further down the road in the marriage.

I can remember people getting married as teenagers and just about all of them failed.

Oh yes I was one of those teenagers, who ended up in a divorce few years latter on.

now let me get this right:

the Witlesses abhor people living together before marriage (to test each other)

but they allow people to disobey god (holy marital arrangement for life with adultery as label for having sex with another mate) by divorcing?

their circular reasoning will make an excuse for any of their sanctioned actions