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Caught Wife Cheating

    M roflcopter posted Wed, 06 Jun 2007 04:37:00 GMT(6/6/2007)

    Post 87 of 117
    Joined 2/2/2006

    So I posted a while back about my marriage problems.... whole new gambit thrown into the mix. I've had suspicions all along that something like this might be happening... but only just not confirmed that she's been cheating on me... with another JW that she works with! She could have been more discreet about it rather than leave all the text messages on her phone. She cried her eyes out to me about how it was nothing, just a quick fling, and she wants to be with me and she is truly sorry... but I'm at a loss for words now :-/ I told her the only way this would work is if she quit and got another job, thus not being around this man anymore... She refused. I believe I have no choice but to leave now. I feel like 2.5 years of my life were just wasted. What boggles me is how she can talk about "the truth" and go to all her meetings and be so visciously defensive about "the organization" yet blatantly disobey the rules of said organization... /sad rant off Roflcopter.

    M Gregor posted Wed, 06 Jun 2007 04:55:00 GMT(6/6/2007)

    Post 1394 of 5776
    Joined 12/12/2005

    Cut your losses, young man. At 24 you say you've wasted 2.5 yrs. on a relationship with someone who commits adultery but still wallows in her JW piety. That's sad but insignificant in the big picture. You have your whole life ahead of you. Dust yourself off and get on with it. Best regards.

    M roflcopter posted Wed, 06 Jun 2007 04:59:00 GMT(6/6/2007)

    Post 88 of 117
    Joined 2/2/2006

    I do believe that is the course of action I will take. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." I'm probably just going to leave in a day or so when she's at work. I have hardly any possessions anyway, were in a good amount of debt, and both make the same amount of income. I have nothing to loose in a divorce I feel now. Thank GOD, no children...

    M LtCmd.Lore posted Wed, 06 Jun 2007 05:05:00 GMT(6/6/2007)

    Post 497 of 1249
    Joined 4/5/2006

    I hate to give advice when I only know the basic information... BUT here goes:

    What possible reason do you have to stick with her?

    She's determined to remain in a cult, so odds are you'll have that over your head for the rest of your life even if she doesn't cheat again.

    She did cheat on you, there is no dishonor in leaving an unfaithful spouse.

    Marriage pretty much always sucks, so if you can become a single man again, I say go for it and don't ever get married again... But that's just my opinion.

    Lore

    F BizzyBee posted Wed, 06 Jun 2007 05:08:00 GMT(6/6/2007)

    Post 1237 of 9892
    Joined 1/9/2006

    Awwwwww...........! When a mate cheats on you, there is clearly something very fundamentally wrong in the relationship. If you take them back (or they take you back) you have to wonder - is it out of love.........? or fear? Then the real work begins. If it is a relationship is worth salvaging, I suppose you work together to mend it. But, what if it happens again? And again? What can one then deduce about the cheater and about the cheatee?

    M 5thGeneration posted Wed, 06 Jun 2007 05:24:00 GMT(6/6/2007)

    Post 250 of 1126
    Joined 6/21/2005

    Sorry man!

    I had an ex-bethelite friend go through this with his wife so I've seen the pain.

    Hope the best for you!

    codeblue posted Wed, 06 Jun 2007 05:31:00 GMT(6/6/2007)

    Post 3629 of 3565
    Joined 8/22/2003

    Dr. Phil would agree with you in this case.

    Someone who "cheats" needs to prove they understand the pain they have caused you, doing all they can so show the affair was wrong, including you asking her NOT to see this guy again. I agree with you asking her to quit the job, and therefore have no contact with the JW. But then again, does he go to the same congregation as your wife? IF so, she will never cease seeing the guy.

    Sounds like a double df'ng coming for both of them.

    I feel for you...I put up with a cheating JW husband for 20 years....... I should have left him the first time he did it...before out 2nd anniversary.

    It's a painful topic....I hope the best for you.

    Codeblue

    M tim hooper posted Wed, 06 Jun 2007 06:09:00 GMT(6/6/2007)

    Post 169 of 536
    Joined 7/9/2006

    It's time to go.

    tim

    M nvrgnbk posted Wed, 06 Jun 2007 06:17:00 GMT(6/6/2007)

    Post 2824 of 10737
    Joined 2/20/2007

    Once the trust is gone...............................................................................

    M I Know what I like, and I like what I know posted Wed, 06 Jun 2007 06:18:00 GMT(6/6/2007)

    Post 32 of 46
    Joined 1/24/2007

    Almost everything is similar to my situation. Only I was married for over ten years. My ex also didn't want to quit her job. RUN!

    M Confession posted Wed, 06 Jun 2007 06:21:00 GMT(6/6/2007)

    Post 1642 of 2130
    Joined 6/29/2004

    I only want to comment on your expression that you feel you've wasted the last 2.5 years. I understand the feeling and can't blame you for feeling it. But among those I've known who've experienced some of the most painful "lifequakes," I find that many of them have come to embrace these events as invaluable contributions to their personal wisdom. They wouldn't trade them for anything.

    There may be even more sad things life brings your way. Try to understand them, use them, and your life will be richer.

    F onlycurious posted Wed, 06 Jun 2007 06:25:00 GMT(6/6/2007)

    Post 312 of 312
    Joined 12/1/2006

    ((((((your broken heart)))))))

    I'm really sorry. Keep in mind this is a major character flaw. Don't allow any blame on yourself to creep in. She needs to be held accountable for her actions. I believe that most of the time, if someone cheats they will cheat again.

    You're young and have your whole life ahead of you.

    needproof posted Wed, 06 Jun 2007 06:30:00 GMT(6/6/2007)

    Post 997 of 1015
    Joined 2/4/2007

    Well, she'd have no choice but to admit it with the elders. Such an offense of course is grounds for divorce.

    F helncon posted Wed, 06 Jun 2007 06:32:00 GMT(6/6/2007)

    Post 127 of 356
    Joined 12/28/2006

    (((((sorry you are going through this)))))

    You are young, and have the choice to sort it out or just leave.

    Thankfully you have no children and does make it all easier.

    Take care

    Helen

    M monophonic posted Wed, 06 Jun 2007 07:51:00 GMT(6/6/2007)

    Post 33 of 771
    Joined 5/25/2007

    i'm sorry about the situation, that really sucks.

    it's a blessing that it happened two years into your marriage....i've seen it happen 20 years, and that's messy.

    your decision to leave is a good one.

    F sass_my_frass posted Wed, 06 Jun 2007 08:08:00 GMT(6/6/2007)

    Post 2466 of 3678
    Joined 4/1/2005

    I'm so sorry that this has happened, how horrid for you. I agree with some other people here; you can get through this and emerge from it eventually very happy. One day you'll probably put it in the list of top ten things that ever happened to you. In the meantime, remind yourself every day that you're a top bloke, and she's a cheat and doesn't deserve you.

    Something ugly I feel the need to mention now re JW rules, and I apologise as I realise it's none of my business, but it might be something that hasn't occurred to you. In a JW marriage, if a spouse cheats and the other decides not to forgive them, the victim can divorce and remarry without facing any JW repercussions; that's probably not something you care about at this point. A technicality they don't mention much is that if the victim then sleeps with their husband/wife again, that is considered forgiveness for the adultery, and the victim loses their get-out-of-marriage free card. It creates some ugly situations, I'll tell you one I know of: My mate, we'll call her Joan, discovered that her abusive JW husband had cheated on her. She decided to leave him, but had slept with him in meantime. Five years later Joan is divorced and remarries, and she is disfellowshipped for adultery, and her ex-husband is made an elder.

    M passive suicide posted Wed, 06 Jun 2007 08:18:00 GMT(6/6/2007)

    Post 25 of 185
    Joined 5/13/2007

    Been there......wife was Truly sorry...did ALL in her power to make ammends. We worked it out.but to this day.8 years later.the relationship is forever changed.still together though.for now. Sounds like you should leave my friend. BUT Only you truly know all circumstance....what could've led to this sit./outcome. If all facts are as they seem.I say get the F@*% out. be strong for YOUR FUTURE!

    M RichieRich posted Wed, 06 Jun 2007 08:34:00 GMT(6/6/2007)

    Post 3298 of 3284
    Joined 3/14/2005

    Dude, that stinks.

    I'd drop her like she was hot. Adultery isn't even cool with Jehovah.

    Depending on how vengeful you are, you could cause her a bunch of trouble with the Elders and ruin her position in Jehovah's organization which she covets so much.

    Sorry to hear it, I was in a relationship where I assumed there was cheating, I didn't have substantial evidence, and I hadn't been involved as long as you have, married, etc.

    F jgnat posted Wed, 06 Jun 2007 08:35:00 GMT(6/6/2007)

    Post 12448 of 23744
    Joined 7/4/2002

    My first husband always had tears of repentance handy....for beating me up....for getting caught. As soon as I twigged on to THAT (he didn't love me, he hated consequences) it was much easier to make the decision for him and leave.

    M RollerDave posted Wed, 06 Jun 2007 09:19:00 GMT(6/6/2007)

    Post 76 of 872
    Joined 4/24/2007

    Oh man,

    That blows stringy goat chunks!

    I feel for ya man, I had me a woman much like that but it took 7 frigging years for me to finally have provable grounds!

    I'm awfully glad you plan to drop her like a hot rock because it generally only goes downhill from where you are unless you get the hell OFF the rollercoaster.

    As has been mentioned, keep your wick dry or you lose your 'get out of living hell free' card!

    Plus, who knows what you could catch!

    I think you were absolutely right to put conditions on reconciliation, and your description of her remorse does not sound as if it were particularly compelling.

    young man, RUN!

    Roller

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