real fake friends

I wondered how did your "best" jw friends react to when you told them you're leaving wts?

After I found out all I needed to know I called up my old friend who I thought was a good friend but I knew he was a die hard dub and I told him to write down a book and read it.  I was refering to Russell's thy Kingdom Come. From there I told him that I'm about to disassociate myself and that's when there was a silence for a moment and I was told that satan got hold of me :)  I told him that I am basically looking who my real friends are since I don't need fake friends.  Well I was told that I have become an apostate and he couldn't talk to me and we've ended on that.  The next day he called and asked me not to hang up and chatted with me for a good hour or so while his wife was away.  I basically told him most of the stuff about wts from the pyramid to the pedophile law suits and basically told him I can provide him with all these facts from either legal documents or wts publications and even though he didn't know any of these things which I also pointed out that he didn't know any of these things until I told him even though he was raised a jw and yet he is willing to choose advise of strangers to avoid those leaving the cult his final question was if I believed that gb was faithful and discreet slave to which I obviously replied "no."  At this his reply was that we don't have anything in common any more and because we don't have nothing in common we won't speak again to which I said "that's fine I just wanted to know who my real friends are" and that was the end of that.  btw when we hang out in the past, wts talk was very uncommon.  As far as I'm concerned he was never a true friend and obviously I've wasted my time with such people, in fact it was because of him that I began studying and became in contact with this cult.  But he wasn't a typical by the book jw, he did whole bunch of shit while younger and still after he got baptized, he still did bizzar stuff - road rage was just one of them.

Anyways, I thought of sharing this one with you guys and wondered how your experiences went with your so called best jw friends just before or right after you DA yourself.

I am sorry you lost a friend.  I hope you make many more to replace him. 

When I left the witnesses not much permanent damage was done.  My jw girl friends suspected I was leaving and they were very concerned.  I even had one friend start to cry because she was worried that I was going to be destroyed at Armageddon.  I couldn't be angy at her for worrying about me. I knew she loved me and had concern about my welfare.   

I moved away and so the friendship fizzled.  Every now and then we run into each other when I am visiting my home town.  We still have affection for each other.     

I had one friend that I'd had for ages.  I never mentioned how abusive my ex was, because you didn't talk about that stuff!  I hadn't gone to meetings for years, but she never asked, and I never told! But the week after my ex and I broke up, she rang and asked for me to visit. I said I couldn't because I was going somewhere with my mother, and I never heard from her again!  No loss.

I always say - a friend loves you even if you're crazy!

Beachwalker

I am using my fading time to get to know new people and recontact some friends who have been DF'd / DA.

i had no contact with my jw 'friends' during my leaving process, and none after. they were only 'friends' on a hire purchase basis and once the installments stopped they were repossessed.

I had a really good friend who wrote to me asking why I no longer associate. It was a very heartfelt letter. I replied telling her exactly why I left and said I hope we can remain friends. Needless to say I never heard from her again. It helped me realize that most witness friendships are totally dependant on never disagreeing with the org. Same with any love shown to you it is a totally conditional love.

once i'd found real friends and had a proper comparison, it finally occurred to me that i had only ever had a jw implanted idea of 'real friends'.

what i'd actually left behind were acquaintances. 

well let's see - out of all my friends I had as a JW.....hmmm.....ZERO remained my friend.  All of them told me that I was apostate and that was that - nothing more to do with me, I was dead to them.  *shrug* I knew what I'd lose if I left the faith - it was very hard in the beginning and I would feel so very alone that it would physically ache in my chest.

I'm good now.

LouBelle I know that ache in the chest feeling very well.  I was dropped like a hot potato by friends (even my so called 'best friend') and since January this year have been totally shunned by my family.  The pain of the unfairness, injustice and stupidity of it all, not to mention the loneliness, does make you ache inside.

40 years of friendship and family wiped out just like that.  Conditional love and friendship at it's best!

Anyway I am slowly making new 'real' friends and finding a new 'tribe' to be part of.

Hopscotch

PS - I'm not da'd or df'd, just dared to question then fade

I have not been to a meeting for a few months now but whenever I see a Witness they are courteous enough and small-talk is generally made.  Some members of my family have been treated rather shoddily this past year so I am using that as a cover to fade.

A good elder friend of mine stepped down a few years ago, married a non-Witness and moved far far away (she is now attending meetings though).  Needless to say he was treated badly by many members of the congregation before he moved and people even made verbal jabs at him during the Watchtower studies.  When he found out that I was not going to meetings, and that I had no intention of going back, he wrote me a long letter saying that he loved me and my family for coming to terms with his decisions in a non-judgemental way, that we were a true Christian family, that I was free to disagree with him and his advice and that it would not affect our friendship one bit.

As you can imagine, I was touched by this true friendship.  I have not spoken to many about my disputes with regard to doctrine (of which there are many) and plan to keep it that way unless intolerably pressed.  If it does come to me being outed as an apostate I don't know what he will do but I'm hoping that he will continue to display the same attitude (he was always a thinker rather than a follower and was never afraid to debate the rights and wrongs of the society's views with me).

It does appear that true friends can be found within the Witnesses.........I hope.

Hopscotch - yes, even I have one or two friends that I consider real now.  I know they are not friends because of what I may or may not believe, but because they like me for me and that is priceless.  It's kind of hard at times to make new friends but we must both keep trying.  All the best to you in that.

I'm of the Df'd class.

Only about 3 of my JW 'friends' (out of TONS) still talk to me now...and at first it really hurt and bothered  me.  I am VERY outgoing and social, had JW friends in just about every state, my phone was ALWAYS ringing, and I ALWAYS had people at my house!! What's so sad (and still bothers me) is that 1 announcement - 1 freakin judgemental announcement decided on by 3 men/2 of whom I have had personal issues with anyways - changed my entire LIFE...so much so that almost all those people who were endlessly at my house NOW have nothing to say to me! Getting DF'd taught me about 'conditional love' - and that is what JWs are taught. If ur not serving Jehovah with them - you are against them. And that making 'mistakes' can warrant losing your entire social circle in 1 night!!!!  Those 'friends' I used to have...well...they cried when I told them I was getting DF'd (although ALL of them questioned WHY I was getting DF'd due to my situation) but it hasn't changed how they ignore me or stopped keeping in touch. But who really WANTS friends like that...it's fairweather.

I think they don't have a concept of real friendship, but it's not their fault. They're trained to be that way. They think they are showing love by trying to get you back, even if that's the only interest they show toward you. I remember getting angry that my former friends seemed to think that I'd gone off the deep end. They didn't respect the fact that I'd given a lot of thought to my decision. To remain in the cult, you have to believe that others are crazy not to believe it. It's just the way cults work.

Excellent point, trl

To remain in the cult, you have to believe that others are crazy not to believe it. It's just the way cults work.

It seems that we all lost someone but really we gain freedom to associate with whomever we wish and with those who won't shun us if we don't agree with their views.  It's amazing to look back and realize that we have been conned by those whom we trusted and the conditional love has nothing to do with worshipping same God or being a follower of Christ but has everything to do with being obedient to a group of men.  And they say they're not a cult

I have had only a couple of true friends in my life.  Both when I as young.  The one had a few

health problems and was overweight but he could play sports like a pro.  No one but me

had anything to do with him.  They sure missed out on lot. 

True friends do not judge each other. I have fond memories of him.

My other friend was when I was around 15.  Was a jw if you want to call him that . 

I think alot of people call people friends just because they know them.   I just call

these people acquaintances.  But my best friend later in life became my wife.

In words of my favorite song they showed their 'true colors shining through'

When I left it was during my divorce and that ache in your chest sometimes isn't there but then it can surface sometimes.  I think it's called a broken heart. Life can be very dissappointing.