don't marry that unbaptized meeting going sister, or loose your privileges

I've got one of those forever single friend.

he tries to be friends with every kind of "spiritual" sister out there. they use him for gifts, rides, and paying their diner meals when the friends go out.

he's in his late 40's and has himself been used by 5 sisters in a 15 years span.

he says he's found a good one, but she goes to meetings and is studying the "troof". his elders and nosybody acquantences have told him to lay off of her until she's baptized and then some (2-3 years for prooving herself in the lord) or else loose his priviliges.

I tried to nonchalantly telling him that was hogwash, but the pharasees have a grip on him

his elders and nosybody acquantences have told him to lay off of her until she's baptized and then some (2-3 years for prooving herself in the lord) or else loose his priviliges.

I love that mentality - I love you but I dont trust you. Lets wait for 3 years to get married.

Even though the odds are if we really are in love, that counsel is going to encourage us to get in trouble because we wont be able to keep our hands off of each other.

What a great way to start a marriage!!

After 3 years, the hounders will want to wait another 2-3 years.  And then another 2-3.  The ultimate goal is to use him for the Value Destroyer Training School.

Chances are good that a simple disassociation letter, accompanied by sending the suitor to apostate sites, will have better results.

Value Destroyer Training School

WTWizard - please provide us with a lexicon - your terminology makes me laugh so much.

Great!  What is he waiting for?  He's found a nice young lady to court and he gets to jettison his "privileges" at the same time.

Some people have all the luck!  I wish that had happened to me while I was still going.

can't reason with him.

on top of all that he's got frequent panick attacks, and therefore asks another one of my friends to help him do the talks.

I keep on telling him, why is he trying to do the undoable, and he keep on saying that doing more with help him be happier

It never occurred to me that some of the person's still single well into their 40's were that way due to interference from the elders. It makes sense that they'd meddle, but I'd never experienced it or been that close to someone who had. It's sad really, especially when the dubs already make it so difficult with the social restrictions and backward thinking about love and relationships.

Sorry if this sounds rude, but these questions are based on experience: Has he been dating women his own age or younger? Has he been dating only gorgeous women or has he dated some of the less conventionally attractive girls? 99% of the JW men I've known date women 10-20 (-30+) years younger than them and only date women with great figures. Doesn't even matter what he looks like. They ignore the women in their peer group who would very much love to find a companion. IMO, guys like that deserve to get used.

tell him go for it, ignore the elders, he can still reach out for priveleges. I know a guy that was threatened the same way, he ignored the elders, he married her and now he is MS, go figure.

But the sad thing is that the elders can remove the privileges initially, if he proceeds to marry one who is not baptized.

I thought that this was absolute standard advice counsel....I recall reading the WT definition of an unbeliever. as being one who is not yet baptized. Certainly, in my day the elders would never sanction the use of a K/Hall for a wedding if one of them were not baptized. For a M/S to announce engagement to an unbaptized or even newly baptized sister would certainly get him removed...........

Strange but true

If she is really interested in him, she just needs to hurry up and get baptized. After that, the elders cannot do anything if he marries her.

OR, they could run away together and never return.

he's always been afraid to date anyone more than 4 years younger than him.

the one before this one was 2 years older than him

but this one is 14 years younger, and she's a 6 on 1-10 scale

Has he ever been married before? I'd be scared to death to date a man in his late 40's who was still...um...untried.

20 years ago, before he studied the truth he had a hottie girlfriend that he (as other "wordly" people have sex together) had to leave for the sake of the truth. He still sees that girl from afar (she lives a block away from his home). he would never go back to her even if she was a witless, because she probably tests another guy every 6 months

Actually, who know's how many marriages the borg has ruined by trying to match people with complimentary field service reports intead of complimentary personalities.

Because if that was my mindset, I would have married a happy, beatiful woman, a sports fan who also liked... Aw, never mind, its in the past.

Anyway, what a god awful way to pick a mate: Are they "spiritual" enough? Do they read enough WT's? Jeez!

I apologize for my small burst of bitterness, but many of us who picked a wife the borg approved way now realize how foolish the standards we adopted were. (we weren't foolish, just fooled, like so many are)

He should marry whom he wants, as long as he is sure she wants him, outside of a JW context. If thats the case, and they get along, get married! Or do whatever the hell they want! lol

this elder interference has put this guy into "panick" mode. he is already sick, and these are making him worse.

this elder interference has put this guy into "panick" mode. he is already sick, and these are making him worse.

As harsh as this sounds, at his age, he is going to have to learn to deal with that, quick.

I feel bad for him. I do believe that for most JW's with an ounce of honesty, there are moments where they can explore the lies, and make a decision. A decision to stay, a decision to cow to the authority of the elders, or a decision to leave,  all have consequences. He is living his decisions and consequences right now. Sadly...

I hope he can figure it out!

Oh golly geez......

If he isn't able to choose his own mate, how on earth is he ever going to 'take the lead' as the head of house.

(I of course say the following with deep love and respect for such brothers worldwide).....men like this, while very sweet, need desperately to figure out where their balls are!......

From there hook him up with jwmatch or jwconnection ......maybe sneak in e-harmony too.

Lay off until she's baptized?  What a load.  Privileges can be had, lost, regained.  If he has trouble landing one, he might start fishing early and reel her in.  There's no DF'ing for marrying before she's a captive of the cult. 

Is it possible that she's so hot that the elders' fantasies about her are more vivid if she remains available?