Did the elders ignore you when you need their help?

The presiding overseer (or whatever the hell they call it these days) knows my Dad.  My father lives a couple of hours away. 

But when my father got sick, did this elder ever visit him, or at the very least, give him a phone call?  Nope.  He basically said to me, "Keep warm and well-fed." 

The thing that is obviously important to him is his local prominence and sucking up to the district and circuit overseers. 

But what else should I expect in an organization that doesn't treat people's physical needs (i.e., charity) as of any importance.

I told an elder that my brother was in trouble and needed help. He told me that he will give my brother a call.

He did not call my brother and my brother committed suicide.

thats awful, TrueBlue.

trueblue thats terrible!!!  

I have told many elders that matt 24v35 onwards is forgotten TOO easily, and yet Jesus said them words for a good reason. Elders are double accountable, they will pay for doing such things. Im so sorry for your brother and you too.

Yep on several occasions.

Yes. They ignored me & I was glad they did. Too many people moan about stuff like this. I couldn't see any of them far enough myself. Why would you want to be bothered by these characters, knowing that you will just get the same spiel & chat from them.

When you really, really, really need some help or guidance, you may get a shepherding call once.  They may be fairly sincere in seeming like they want to help.  However, if the problem persists, most will throw up their hands as if they've done all they can do and walk away. 

However, if you have violated the most minute JW letter of the law, you will be pounced on by a pitbull who will not let go until the smallest detail of your infraction is uncovered and exposed. 

Speaking from personal experience.  I am sympathetic to a point with them as they are run ragged by the organization and can simply do so much to the point of exhaustion.  Whenever the topic of "elders" is addressed in a publication or at the meeting, though, the emphasis is always placed on "shepherding the flock."  There is very little of that, but a lot of policing. 

shepherding? We had thought they didnt do that anymore....people have said it still exists but NEVER ever have we had one, and we have asked in the past. Dont bother now...Jehovah provides.

No, the elders never ignored me when I needed help.  Nobody in my cong did.  I was in that congregation for years and I loved them all. I still do.  When I go to my hometown on vacation and run into one of the members, we are still friendly.  Sadly, many in my congregation have passed on without ever seeing the new system. 

YES!!

They ignored my parents when they were elderly and in poor health, even though my parent's house was less than a two minute drive from the Kingdom Hall.

They ignored my family when we had severe health problems and our children had severe depressions.

They ignored me when I started missing meetings and finally just gave up.

They ignore our door when they are out in service.

They ignored our family when my mother, a dedicated believing JW died this past July. We recieved no phone calls, no visits and only one card from an elderly sister who was friends with my Mom. This despite the fact that my husband is still an active Witness. No Witnesses outside of our family came to the funeral home.

There's a lot more but this is an overview of how it is for us.

Yes they ignored me and my friends.  They were too busy with congregational matters, not the individual members.

If the elders sensed they could hang you or get a jolly from hearing of your problems, then they were there.

A few yrs back a young person that was attending meetings with a Bible study fell in to a desperate need kind of situation . Kicked out in the middle of a freezing mid-west winter with nothing but the clothes on her back. She was  not from this part of the country so no relatives or friends to rely on .I approached the Elders asking for some kind of assisstance to help her get by for a few days until we could find her something permanent ....

I was told by an Elder the function for the congrgation was not to get involved with social problems ,But ONLY to  to Publish and preach the good news . Really I thought  the story of the good samaritian should apply to the so called true Christian congregation .They finally helped somewhat ,but  Only after I made a completely loud fuss, and said I  was going to the Churches in town for help.

We had several young people having difficult times come and stay with us over the decades.  Through the bad recession in the early 90s we had two families living with us. Communalism should be practiced and preached about, you open your doors when there is a need.

The Congregation members would brings bags of food and leave them at the Hall for those in need.

Hope they still do those types of things.

I never needed their help that much......I could think for myself.......some of our elders were actually nice guys.......but had to swim against the tide to be so

No, they didn't ignore me. I was out of commission with an injury, so it was the perfect opportunity for them to go out to my window cleaning routes to undercut my prices.

W

Hi folks,i'm a 40 year veteran,and now disfellowshiped jehovah witness.When my jw ex-wife battered me for 20 years,i was silent for most of the time,until 1990.I desided to enlist the help of the elders in my congregation,so the violence against me would stop,so i thought.I was a ministerial servant for years,almost an elder myself,but i never made it to elder because of what followed after i asked them for the much needed help.For 5 striaght years from 1990 to 1995 i talked to all 7 of them,the (elders) about me being battered by my ex-wife.They even saw the black and blue fist patches on me,and the scratch and claw marks on my arms,but DID NOTHING TO HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...................NOTHING.............I was a good brother in good standing for 40 plus years,as i never cheated on my ex-wife or returned the abuse to her,and my 2 daughters saw all of this.!So when the battering continued,after i asked the elders to talk to her,they said that they don't get involved in family matters.DON'T GET INVOLVED????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????WHAT.....................What kind of monsters are these people???????????????????That is their job.Excuse me.but are not the elders supposed to be the crags to run to in times of trouble?Are they not the ones that are supposed to keep a watch over there flocks.And are they not the ones that are supposed to pray over the sick ones,and give councle on all matters,especially the family???????????????????.............My elders were just as Jesus described in the gosples.Blind guides are what they are,and lord lord,did we not prophecy in your name.....and do many powerfull works in your name?But Jesus said to them.Get away from me you workers of lawlessness.As the bible says............I will not sit with men of untruth,and with those who lie,i will not come in.So thats why i divorced my ex,because i had to go to the courts of the land to seek justice.I divorced her in 1996,and my whole witness family has shunned me for the last 15 years,and will continue to do so,as long as i don't come crawling back through the kingdom hall doors,with my tail between my legs,begging for all of their mercy.I WILL NEVER GO BACK THERE..........NEVER...!I DO NOT BOW BEFORE IDIOTS.EVERY WATCHTOWER PROPHECY HAS PROVED FALSE SINCE RUSSEL.THEY ALL CAN DO WRONG,BUT I'M THE ONLY ONE THATS NOT PERFECT LIKE THEM.If anyone would like me to tell them what the coiver-ups are in that church,please ask me ok?I will be able to tell all of you about .................1 million things that are wrong inside that religion.Example...........1914 is a false date..................and brooklyn knows this......and their trying desparately to eliminate the date of 1914.But they have a huge problem,because everyone of their doctrines,rests on the foundadtion block of 1914.Remove it,and all of their teachings would have to be scrapped.So they have painted themselves into a corner.Good luck for their future.! 1 Peter 4:17 says..................judgement begins with the house of God!

Welcome to the board, Witchtower Witch! Thank you for telling us your story!

Hi witchtowerwitch your story made me think about this scripture Jesus said: Mathew 23:1

1Then Jesus spoke to the crowds and to his disciples, saying:2“The scribes and the Pharisees have seated themselves in the seat of Moses.3Therefore all the things they tell YOU, do and observe, but do not do according to their deeds, for they say but do not perform.4They bind up heavy loads and put them upon the shoulders of men, but they themselves are not willing to budge them with their finger.

I've been thinking about this post for the past few hours and feel compelled to respond.

My dad was an elder.  He was so consumed with responding to the needs of others that he had no time or energy to give his own family. When he did give attention, he was so worn out that he was abusive.  Police were called several times and on a few occaisions various siblings of mine were removed from the home and placed in protective custody.

My dad was very hands-on with the publishers and their families (even the non-believing mates). People either loved him or hated him.  Noone doubted his committment to his theocratic responsiblity to the congregation. 

He was also a good public speaker so in addition to attending our own Sunday meetings, he had 'out' talks 2-4 times per month.

For work, my dad had his own construction company and money was very tight while I was growing up.  I remember only FOUR vacations that our family took from 1969 to 1981.  The longest vacation was 4 days long.

My dad worked very hard to support his family but didn't have time to enjoy us.  Part of his elder persona was having his family 'in subjection'.  We were exemplary most of the time.  It was required of us.

My dad may or may not have been typical of other elders.  I found him to be extreme in his attention to the needs of other families. 

I don't think his way was right.  Not really blaming him.  But I think his thinking and devotion was misguided.

While I feel the pain of those who have posted on this thread, I still believe that most of the elders I have met do care to help others.  Unfortunately, they are minimally trained - and mostly trained by other men who have NO realworld experience.  They do the best they can with what they have and most strive to give adequate (not thorough) support and guidance to their own wives, children and extended family.

I remember bragging that the JWs do not have a paid clergy. Until a few years ago I thought this was a good thing.  Now I think it's incredibly stupid.

It was while speaking with a co-worker about a new youth pastor in his church that I changed my feelings.  Rather than burden untrained men with their own family responsibilities and full-time jobs, how much better is it to provide a modest home and stipend for a dedicated man (or woman) whose primary occupation is to be a counsellor to the congregation?  That person is available to devote extra time to take classes or do research to become better informed and educated in whatever area the congregants require.  Someone to just listen.

To even think back to the craziness of those JW days makes my palms sweaty.  Think of the ramifications of untrained men stepping where they really have no business and then following the direction of the Faithful and Discreet Slave Governing Body - often with disasterous results.  In most cases the elders are just doing what they are told.  Sometimes to the neglect of their own families.  Also, knowing what I know now about the truth about 'the truth', those men who, if they haven't noticed yet, will soon realize that all their 'sacrifices for Jehovah' were mostly in vain and the promises held out to them were not promises at all but misrepresentations and overt lies and coverups.

Maybe one or two of the elders cited above were already having their own doubts and trying to find their own sanity and considered themselves not competent to handle the situation but also not prepared to direct the publisher to professional help (against organization guidelines).  It's not a good a excuse but these really are just men, not divinely-directed or inspired prophets.  And often men with substantial problems of their own.

I think that rather than blaming the individual elders, the elder body, or all elders in general, the blame should be directed squarely at the higher-up members who create all the stupid rules and the heirarchy system.

If you need help, are in a spiritual crisis, or just need an understanding ear, I strongly encourage you to find a trained counsellor or support group/organization.  Domestic violence should be reported to the police, not the elders who's primary goal is protecting a group image rather than life and limb of the individual. 

There comes a point when each of us has to take responsibility for our own lives and spirituality.  Maybe in some cases the elders should be thanked as the feelings of neglect often are the first phase of a person's true spiritual awakening.

-Aude.