Embarrassing Moments on the Platform

I was thinking the other day about a potential answer to the frequent party question 'What was your most  embarrassing moment?'.  Immediately my mind went to my last experience on the theocratic school.  As an aspiring MS, I  volunteered at the last minute to give a #4 talk on a particular individual (ignorant of what I was about to get myself into).  I forget the exact biblical character, but after volunteering (30 minutes to go...) I stepped into the KH library and began my research.  The insight book immediately illustrated the  quandary I had stepped into.  It had a whopping 2 sentences about that particular character.  And they were NOT noteworthy or interesting in the least (Along the lines of "So-and-so was the half-brother of so-and-so.. a priest).  I read the 2 associated scriptures that mentioned the person by name, came up with no practical experience or illustration to use the account with, and started to realized.. I am completely screwed.  An elder visited me 5 minutes before my talk to ask how it was going, and I complained that there was NOTHING to say about this  individual, and was comforted with "You'll find something."

Well, I didn't. I was on the platform for about 45 seconds... I couldn't figure out how to correctly pronounce this particularly character's name consistently, and I had nothing to say about him.  It was the most humiliating and ultimately pointless thing I can recall ever being asked of me.  The School Overseer publically criticized my delivery as "insufficient"... even on an impromptu talk (freaking jack-ass)..  but didn't offer any additional insights into the character, and the school ended early.  It was the last time I stepped onto the platform for a talk.  After that, I only did the announcements and the occasional formulaic prayer ("Please forgive us where we fall short, because we are imperfect, and do make mistakes.", and all the 'important' things you heard quoted verbatim over and over.)

How about you, anybody else have any traumatic experiences on the platform to spill?

- Lime

PS:  I have had the chance to speak publically since then.. and fortunately that negative experience hasn't prevented me sharing important and useful information I have an interest in.  I think when it comes to most people, when you are interested and enthusiastic about a particular subject, it's not so big a deal to share what you know with most crowds, from just a couple friends to a large gathering.  It's just hard to bullshit about worthless crap in front of 1 or 1,000,000 people for most of us.

They called all the recently baptized up at the first Thursday night meeting after the assembly.  I was one of them.  Twelve years old, and as shy as I am now outgoing.  They started going down the line, the question was "what made you decide to dedicate your life to Jehovah".  I wished the stage would open up and swallow me.  I finally formulated some pathetic answer in my mind.  The girl in front of me said exactly that.  I started to giggle, giggled until they passed over me, and never came back.  It was horrendous.  The only redeeming moment, is when one sister came up and said how moved she was when I began to cry, it made her cry too.  Heh.

This incident made the audience at the Hall roar...

A newly married brother was handling a Service Meeting part. He sometimes didn't wear his contact lenses, but when he didn't he refused to wear his glasses.

So, he's asking for commentary from the audience and calls on one sister, saying:

"Sister in the back...."

We heard the sister start and then the laughter begin.

The "sister in the back" was his new wife!

The "sister in the back" was his new wife!

Wow..  that is bad.  Well, no reason putting off your first night sleeping on the sofa, I guess.

- Lime

 How about the watchtower conductor who was calling on comments in a congregation where there a a number of families

 by this same last name so he says.. Sister Payne.... yes sister "Payne (Pain ) in the rear !!!! " ...

A sister was up giving a talk about why you shouldn't use certain phrases as they are really just substitutes for swearing.  She went through a list of examples of taking God/Jesus name in vain  ---  like 'Golly',  ' Jeezo' etc.  She concluded, stood up to leave and tripped off the platform while shouting out "Gee Whizz".  (one of the other examples she used).  Hilarious.

Had that happened to me, I prolly would have said a real naughty word and been hauled to the library.

Man I have a few. One happen when I was really young and didn't understand why it was funny at the time.

We had intermissions on Sunday back then and the chairman invited the congraegation to enjoy the 5 minute intercourse.

That same brother once conducted most of the Watchtower with his shirt hanging out of his fly.

and lastly the newly appointed PO of my hall said during a service meeting part the following "they were screwed" the CO was there and he knew he was in trouble. He was young and we knew him well but we couldn't help but laugh the CO didn't think it was funny!!!!

we always had the typical stuff. calling people by wrong names, forgetting names, occasional zipper down, saying the wrong word {one brother said it was important to meditate deeply on the scriptures as you constipate - he meant concentrate}.  the only one that really stands out for me in all the time was a brother was giving a TMS part and it was his first time trying it from an outline. he was encouraged for months to use an outline.  he started his talk and about 30 seconds in, he got confused as to what to say.  instead of regrouping, he just picked up his bible and walked right to his seat, grabbed his bag and left.  he did not come back for six months.  to this day, and this has been years ago, he is not on the TMS.

ugh! there was the bro
giving the public talk
using the earpiece of
his glasses to clean the
WAX out of his ear....

i HOPE he was embarrassed
when it was pointed out to him!

I Have a aunt who is pretty fat, especialy her bottum.

She played a little scene with an other sister during de servicemeating( don't know the exact name in english). she was sitting at the  table with the other sister on the platform playing someone who was given biblestudy.

At the end of the scene, when she wanted to stand up, but the chair got stuck on her and she could not get it of her behind.

Now my aunt's got a good sense of humor and she stood up turned her behind with the chair still on it in the direction of the hall and started to shake her bottom...The whole gongregation could not stop laughing.

When the sisters were first given assignments back in the 50's, mine was from the dark green book, I think it was called "JW's in the Divine Purpose"  I was relating the experience from someone in Madgeburg, Germany probably during WWII.  Since my mom's name was Madge I pronounced the city "Madge burg".  When I was finished, the brother was fast to tell me, and the audience,  that the pronounciation of the city is Mag-de-burg.  They laughed.  I wanted to crawl under the seats.

When an elder called on a brother and said brother Pain in the rear

I was asked to give a prayer... and forgot 'through jesus christ'.  HAHA.  I chose to leave early.

There was a ninety year old elder in a local congreagtion who would occasionally still be given small parts as well as be asked to pray ... UNTIL ... on consecutive Thursday nights he brought the house down. In the first instance, near the end of a question and answer assignment the old codger squinted toward the rear of the hall and beckoned to a teenage female who had been raising her hand: " I hope the young sister will forgive me. I have been looking you over for the entire meeting."

The next week would be one of his last on the platform. Again he would initiate gagging, snorting, and choking with words in his closing prayer: "Excuse us Jehovah for our falling shorts"!

I guess it will happen to all of us ...

Once, when giving a short talk, I forgot to wear my tie.

During a presentation on stage my skirt fell to my ankles.

I've heard of instances of sisters falling off the platform during talks & the like... & weird people walking in to the hall & hitting people. There were often drunks turning up when i was young, people would start crying while giving talks, & the equipment would routinely fail, songs would skip due to scratched CD's, etc...

At the end of a DC a very old brother gave the following prayer: "Our loving father Jehovah, thank you! Amen"

And at the hall i grew up in there was a french brother who used to give a lot of talks that no one could understand due to his strong accent. I remember during his prayers people would randomly say amen at different points, thinking he had said it...

I farted really loud once, although i was only about 7 years old, so i can barely remember it.

My uncle once told me about a guy who 'swore' during a public talk by mistake... the weird part is that 'got off the platform straight after'... i mean, why? why get off the platform? it's only a mistake, & an embarrassing one as well, there's no reason to punish yourself further

I was about 10, and was the householder.  The sister giving the talk suddenly started to cry...and got up and left the platform.  I had no idea what to do.  I didn't know if I had made her cry... so I sat there pinned to my seat for a bit...then finally tiptoed off the platform.

Coffee

It really doesn't surprise me that so many people cry at the hall, it is a pretty upsetting place.