Lady Lee's story

Born in Toronto, Canada in 1952, I lived with my parents and three younger brothers until I was ten years old. There was a lot of violence in our home. My father was an abusive, rageful man who took out all his frustrations on his family. My mother, in the guise of "protecting" us from him, frequently inflicted her own version of abuse on us. And when they weren't busy letting their frustrations out on us, they let it out on each other. By six years old, I was frequently depressed and fearful.
When I was ten, my parents separated, and the two youngest boys went to live with my mother, while the oldest of the boys and I stayed in Toronto to live with my father. My earliest memories of sexual abuse start around this time and the abuse continued for almost three years before he was reported to the police. After a court case, my mother was granted custody of all four children and along with her common-law husband and their daughter we went to live in Montreal.

It was during this time that she began studying with the Jehovah's Witnesses. All five children were taken to meetings and expected to participate in the door-to-door ministry. At seventeen I was baptized as a Witness and at nineteen I was pushed into marriage with a "new brother" in the congregation. After two weeks of marriage I knew that it was a terrible mistake but felt trapped into trying to make it work since divorce was not accepted by the Watchtower organization.

We had two children during our fifteen years together. He became an elder in the congregation. Although other people thought we had a wonderful marriage, inside I was dying and on the outside busy pretending that all we were happy. My husband was emotionally abusive to both the children and myself. He used scripture to coerce us into "acceptable" behavior. He also used scripture to get his deviant sexual needs met, stating that if I did not submit to his sexual demands, I would be responsible for "blood-guilt" if he committed adultery.

After the years of childhood abuse, and fourteen years of abuse in the marriage, I had a breakdown and started therapy. Initially dealt with the childhood abuse but there were so many similar abuse issues in the marriage that before long the full impact of reliving the abuse of my childhood overwhelmed me. I became very suicidal and realized that I had to either leave the marriage (and the Witnesses too) or I would die.

It took about a year for me to finally get my divorce and to rebuild my life. I went back to school, worked part-time, and raised my two daughters. My mother who is still a Witness rarely talks to me. None of my old Witness friends speak to me. Extended family who are Witnesses never call. I am never invited to any family gatherings.

But I have two daughters and a grand-daughter that I love. For the last twelve years I have been working with adult survivors of abuse, a career which I find extremely rewarding. I am the first person in my family to go to and graduate from college or university. I have close friends who love me for who I am. And I am still growing. Learning to live well really is the best revenge.

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Professional Profile
I studied in a three-year professional program in Social Counseling at Dawson College and graduated in 1988. I also have a BA in Applied Social Science (Focus on group counseling and facilitation).

In 1987 I began a non-profit organization "The Centre for Incest Healing" which provided counseling to adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse and their families, provided information and referral for survivors, and provided information and guest lecturers for the community. The Center provided services for over six hundred individuals during the seven years before it was shut down due to lack of funding.

Since 1988, I have worked in private practice, providing counseling to adult survivors of childhood abuse and their families and in the last three years have provided information and support to recovering ex-Jehovah's Witnesses.

Thanks, LL for sharing your info. You have alot to offer here. j2bf

Lady when I read stories like your it makes me reflect back on my life. I didn't have it too bad. In the long run, my becoming a witness was my own dumb idea. Had the normal childhood and the normal lousy marriage. All in all, things aren't so bad now.

Sounds like you've pulled your life together and managed to do some good along the way. Way to go. Be proud.

Hey Lady Lee,welcome to our forum.Your going to meet a lot of nice people here and some real characters...OUTLAW

Welcome aboard LadyLee,

I've seen your name up there in chat and am pleased you've posted your story. It's one of hope for all the other suffering women out there that they can break free, get an education and thier soul back. (reading about your dislocation from family is heartbreaking but hey .. these folks 'll give you more fun at xmas anyhow

best wishes and happy posting, unclebruce

Thanks for your very quick responses - curious bunch aren't you all hehehe.Will try to find your stories in the bunch - might have digging to do though

Lady Lee, TY for sharing your story. You certainly have taken the negatves you suffered and turned them into positives by reaching out to help others. Hats off to ya!!!

BTW, you can find some abbreviated stories on WhosWho. Another way is, if I saw a correct THREAD title by Simon(which I plan to check out momentarily) is to find threads started by members here.

see ya in chat soon,
Boozy

Also,

You can go to the top of the page and do a search for the "Hello, hello," tread. A lot of our stories are there. At the bottom of the page you may want to go to the SilentLambs web site, if you haven't done so aleady. SilentLambs is doing work similiar to yours.

Lady Lee, you should be very proud of your accomplishments. You really grew up through the concrete and flourished. I am sure you are an inspiration to those you counsel. I am glad you are with us.

Lady Lee,
Love your name BTW. Enjoyed reading your story. Am familiar with emotional abuse and dying on the inside while everyone around you thinks you have a good marriage. Been there done that!
Good to see another woman strongly reaching for her inner desires and getting them fulfilled!!
TW

Lady Lee,

Welcome and thank you for sharing your story. I can really relate to some of what you went through...I too am an adult survivor of incest; I also divorced and left the org; now I am attending university (first in my family) and working on a Bachelor's in Social Work; and, finally, I'm raising my two children on my own. Reading your story this morning, I was truly struck by the similarities. I understand those feelings of dying inside so well but therapy did a world of good for me, too. My hat is off to you for having the strength and courage to take care of yourself and your children. Breaking the cycle is so difficult and yet, what else can we do?? I couldn't bear for my children to experience what I had as a child. Most of my family are still dubs and, of course, don't speak to me but that's actually a good thing as they are still pretty sick individuals. It is sad when families are broken apart; yet, in some cases as in mine, it may be a blessing in disguise.

Again, thank you for sharing a part of yourself with us.

Dana

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...
Closing Time, Semisonic

Hi Lady Lee...

Enjoyed chatted with you for a few last night

Sorry to hear you have had so much sorrow in your life but very glad to hear how you have overcome it and are moving forward with your life in such a positive way!!!

Looking forward to chatting with you more in the future!

Welcome, Lady Lee. Your presentation is with style, dignity and finesse. I love reading such well-composed prose! I'm looking forward to more posts by you, and your interaction with our group.

COMF

Hi there Lady...thanks for sharing your story. It is amazing what people can survive. You seem to be an amazing person...I look foward to seeing you around...

Thanks everyone for the welcome and your comments. Nice to know I am not alone but sad too that so many of you relate so well to my story. I found the isolation after leaving really difficult. I was forbidden from talking to active JWs but also felt under the rule still to shun other DFed ones - real catch 22. Not true anymore though - I talk to anyone - including the active ones who want to listen

Hey yer a survivor. Congrats.
Far to many give up. Far to many give in.
As I live on a boat, I know it is sink or swim.
Nice to know you found depth from with in.

,,,, god I hate it when I wax poetic. *chuckles*

Well Elijah I usually get appeciative or encouraged - first time I have had poetic - thanks for the chuckle and the welcome

Commendable Lady Lee,

It's gals like you that can give others the courage and encouragement to overcome obstacles. You are to be applauded for your accomplishments. I can relate to some of your experience and I will admit, it ain't easy sister!

Glad you made it. I think this board will bnefit greatly from your insights.

Warm regards,
Julie

Welcome dear Lady. Your story was wonderful - not in what happened, but in that you turned it around. Living well is the best revenge on the sorry bastards who damaged you.

We were born the same year. Are you looking forward to 50? My 40's were a hell of a decade. I started them as an elder working as a carpenter, and ended them as an "apostate" and successful full-time writer. I think this coming decade is going to be the best ever!!
All my best and wishing you a Joyous Solstice!
S4

Welcome Lady Lee!
I can relate to the abusive father part. I am thankful you made it out and made a better life for yourself. Having a place like this to come to has helped me in ways that few will understand. My fiancee has tried to be supportive, but she does not truly undersand what it is like to leave an orginization like the JWs. I would bet you make a great counselor, by what I read in your first post. Again, welcome and hang around!

"Hand me that whiskey, I need to consult the spirit."-J.F. Rutherford

Jeremy's Hate Mail Hall Of Fame.
http://hometown.aol.com/onjehovahside/ and Kylishhlee@aol.com

Hi Jayhawk S4 and Julie

How sad that so many of us who experienced abuse as children get trapped as adults in a similar kind of misery. But the wonderful thing is that the truth really does make one free.

S4 I am so looking forward to my 50's. My 30's were the pits but the 40's have been great for me and as I recover the years are getting better. Can't wait til I am sixty - hmm Nope I didn't say that - not me hehehe I find that as I get older a lot of what I thought mattered - really doesn't so I can live within my own rules in ways that are healthy and life-restoring instead of life-threatening.

Jayhawk I don't think anyone who hasn't been there can really understand - support and comfort - but not truly understand. I think even those who have come from abusive homes would not fully understand the spiritual abuse aspects of a group like the JWs. How wonderful that we now have the opportunity to meet and share our experiences on-line and at times face-to-face.

And Julie - thanks - onward and upwards :)