Is shunning of df´d family members common in the US?

It depends on the year. According to my mom, there was some mention at the last DC for families to try and win back their lost ones ... this can only be done by talking to them.

It also depends on country and customs. The FDS^TM basis everything on the perfect US "American" from the 1950s. So, it would be normal for those in the US to be uptight as to whatever is said and take things to the extreme. The US is very "me" oriented.

In other countries with completely different customs and very strong sense of family & community, things are officially spoken of as a "conscience matter" ... and it is expected that families associate; no matter what.

I personally think it's all about the Jehovah's Witness conscience and applying everything they learn as well as what they know about the situation with the disfellowshipped family member. My grandma is spiritually but she's also strong minded and loves her family regardless. She talks to me and right now is helping me (DFed) pack my things so I can move with my future husband. I know she hates the idea and doesn't agree but I know she loves me and wants me to be happy. My mom has always been spiritually weak but strong in some cases, she freely talks to me and hangs out with me but then she bets herself up and gets depressed saying she would do anything to be close to me and if it take getting DFed so be it. I hate when she talks that way because I know if I had the chance to stay in I would and I would try to incourage others to do the same, not give up. My sister, 18,  though who oddly is changing after she got married, doesn't want to associate with me and says it's so hard for her to decide that and she hopes I understand... that she loves me and wants me to be happy but that this choice of "doing what is right in Gods eyes is important since we are close to the end"!! Oh it hurts to hear her say this but I want to respect her decision as she has respected me in mine. As far as the rest of the family they all know I am disfellowshipped and I don't hear from any of them.

I do know it was quite different for my DF friends but I do notice a simularity. We are all in our 20's and our closest family (like mom, dad, and maybe grandparent or sibles) talk to us but don't invite us to get-togethers and stuff, just talk and check on us or help us when we need help or invite us to see our sick relative or go to a funeral. My sister said I could come to her wedding but I had to stand in the back and act invisable. I didn't get to go to the resception either cause of the grooms family (his grandpa was an elder and they didn't want to disrespect him by my presents). I remember before my sister got married at her graduation when I arrived it was ok til I lengered there to long and started to forget and talk to people. My uncle who is an elder felt uncomfortable and him and his family left. Thats when I felt bad and left shortly after.

I live in Indiana, US, and so do my friends. My mom said though when she visited her friend in Oregon. She said they talk to DF at the Hall even!! Wow I want to move there! lol

I am still trying to figure out this shunning thing. I was never baptised, so I am not "shunned".  Still kept at a polite distance though. I know some people from some congregations that are shunned, and some who are not. There seems to be no consistancy at all.

Arte, UK

100% totally shunned by paternal grandmother.

My dad, while in his state of "self-DA" was similarly shunned by his mom.  She still hasn't spoken to him, as far as I know.

My dad's brother and his family: 100% shunning of me and my dad.

OTOH, my mom's sister-in-law has never shunned anyone.

I personally hate that baptism decides whether a person is shunned or not. If you were not baptised, and left the truth, your family would not have to shun you. But if you were baptised, they are to shun. I think its why so many lead 'double lives' and live in secrecy, just so they dont have to face being cut off by their families.

nathmedeah

I'm a DAd, third generation, Scottish born-in JW, and have been free for over 6 years and was intrigued by your post... 

Like yourself, I've been aware of major inconsistencies around Europe as to how far JWs go in trying to impose what is esentially a North American version of a Christian radical religion.  This is most evident when the topic is 'to shun, or not to shun'.

I've visited most European countries several times in the course of business.  Being a mind-controlled JW, I always tried to attend the local KH.  I found that the Nordic countries absolutely detest shunning as a practice, and feel it is not just a horrible thing to practice, but also, a cruel and totally stupid couse of action to take.  I visited Danmark more often, and although the Danes try to be as like the US version of the cult as possible, it doesn't go down well with them either.  The recent Danish film exploring the disasterous family changes brought about by a DFing in the family I thought was good, but didn't mirror what I saw first hand in both the local KH and big assemby hall.  The Swedes, I found,  take a more liberal view, as in most things in life.  I never visited Norway, so I can't comment.  I'd guess that they'd be most like the Danes, as they're not too keen on the Swedes. 

However, the strangest thing that I've found is that the Italians, at least in the prosperous North, are almost paranoid about adhering to the letter of the WTS from Brooklyn!  Yet, most Italians are famous for their lack of being law abiding in general - at least as far as 'stupid' laws are concerned.  I recall being in Milan about 10 years ago, and as I was still a cult-member at that time, visiting the local congregation.  As I've had a beard most of my life, I was taken aside before being allowed to even sit in the actual hall - it transpired that an American-Italian CO was present.  I was told to sit next to this COs wife, which I did.  Imagine my surprise when, after the meeting, I was enjoying a few beers with 2 local couples in a local pub when they literally pleaded with me to go back to their homes to check through their CD collections for 'suitability' as this nasty Co was about to visit for a 'free' meal!  I was totally amazed at how concerned that they were to be portraying the best image to the US religion.  I tried to reason with them, reminding them that we all have freedom of choice, conscience, etc., but they were positively scared lest their choice of music was a bit suspect!  Both couples were really decent, if worried, members of the cult.  We all went to the nearby church to see my favourite Leonardo the following day - amazing!  They were even a bit scared to be seen in a Catholic church looking at The Last Supper - what a tragic shame...

So, in my mind the Icelanders (fantastic country, full of free-thinkers, yet strongly pro-USA), probably Norwegians, definitely Swedes, and perhaps to a lesser extent, Danes, still possess their natural cultural identity far more than most Europeans.  The Italians are in my experience, the most likely to follow the party line and adhere to Brooklyn.  They think a lot more of the USA, and are probably still a bit under the influence of so many years of Catholicism.  In fact, a practicing Catholic and ardent JW are extremely alike in many respects. 

Nathmedeal

You are not from Linköping

The congregation is a pack of wolves and they love shunning. Family members are also shunned but this I belive is more out of fear  of the repercations  than enjoyment.

acolytes

An elder of the FL Congo I attended openly shunned his Dfed daughters.  Even when his wife was  dying of cancer he forbade them to visit.  My wife and I used to visit their house (well, trailer) to "help-out" meaning that we cleaned the house, cooked the meals and washed his undies because the elders are very important don't ya know?

That is where I learned for the first time that the purpose of a wife is to help further the husband's Ministry.  By having a free servant doing all that stuff, he was free to be an Elder.

Anyway I put an end to the cleaning when the wife told me how unhappy she was with the whole shunning business, and how she hoped she would die quickly.  Also mentioned how happy she was that he is anointed so she would never have to see him again.

Of course he is very well thought of in the Org.

I find this topic question a bit curious.  Being rasied in the U.S.A.,  thought ALL JW's practiced shunning worldwide!

Absolutely they shun in the U.S!   My brother who was DF'd a number of years ago, was not invited to either of his JW daughter's weddings.  And has NEVER even met his own two grandchildren, who live less than 15 miles from him!

I pulled away from that brain-sucking organization about 5-years ago for CONSCIENTIOUS reasons, and these former "friends" have zero contact with me or my familiy.  (I was part of the Building Comittee for constructing new KH's, and in the org for about 30-years)

I was, still am, separated from my JW wife in 1996, I had depression, so they (Elders) got me to move out of family home.

I disassociated from the JWs in September 2001.

Since then my JW wife and two JW daughters have nothad any contact with me.

Even to the point of not being invited to one of those daughters wedding last June.

Shunning is mandatory for family members except for the "necessary business" clause which, lets face it, can mean all sorts of reasons - big and small.

My parents still talk to me but only because I am the only daughter that lives near them and they're both elderly and sick. They need me therefore its "necessary business".

The congregation tolerate this arrangement because it frees them from their obligation to look after the elderly ones in their midst (not that I'd have it any other way)

Of course any sort of congregation info, spiritual conversation or meeting times etc are strictly avoided as topics of conversation with me as I'm deemed not worthy.

One brother in my congregation was disfellowshipped and neither his sisters, their husbands, his parents or any nephews and nieces spoke to him. He couldn't stand the isolation and was reinstated after 18 months. Even now he said he only went back because of family. He knows its all lies but feels trapped.

Its all so sad

My sister is d/f , she still lives at home with my JW mum and they are the best of friends - they do everything together, shopping, daytrips, eating out, my mum even babysits her daughter.

 Two of my other JW sisters speak to her, as they live abroad contact is minimal but they will speak on the phone, send gifts for her daughter etc. 

 However my missionary sister and husband have totally cut her off.  I remember having a telephone call from them the day of her disfellowshipping and my sister saying that they were going to give C**** a call now because once the announcement was made at the KH, they won't be allowed to talk to her anymore.  I sarcastically responded 'really is that the moment Jehovah withdraws his holy spirit from her?' - needless to say after saying that, a few apostate things i.e 'The Revelation book is a load of rubbish' and 'by the way I'll still be talking to C***** because I think disfellowhipping is unscriptual and cruel' - they don't talk to me any more!!!

You've got to feel sorry for them. They are way up there on the highest echelons of this cult mind control organisation.

I'm not even officially disfellowshipped yet I am completely shunned by my family for being an apostate.

Somone mentioned the book "Keep Yourselves in God's Love" The link to the PDF is here: http://www.sendspace.com/file/4ljhq3  Pages 200-205 of the PDF cover shunning disfellowshipped relatives.  It seems they have really hardened their stance in recent years.

I know they think that shunning us will make us want to return but it has the complete opposite effect on hubby and I. It made us more determined than ever to not have anything to do with the Witnesses.  And we always make sure to tell people that we are shunned so that they know to stay away from JWs.  Our friends are usually completely stunned when they hear about it and can't imagine why anyone would treat hubby & I that way.  A good friend of mine recently gave some JWs an earful when they showed up at her door. 

Linköping is where my former-friend's brother's congregation is...  not surprised that they would be that way, though it makes me sad

Acolytes,

No, I´m not from Linköping. However, I´m very good friends with one woman in their congregation who´s never shunned me. I belong to Sthlm-area were I haven´t seen this being practiced. Ever.

From answers here, I have gathered that shunning is a highly personal matter. I knew - when I was active - that it was practiced in the world, kinda, but I always ascribed that behaviour to lesser people, those with a lesser mind who over-react. people I anyway didn´t respect. I have never experienced this at close range.

As I ´ve written before, I have many good friend in California area of Sacramento who are inactive/df´d and none of them are shunned, even if their dads are elders. They frequent bqb´s, have parties and trips to Vegas or Europe together aso. So I guess this is only a matter of personal choice, no matter what the WT sais.

Sincerely n.

Shunning is a personal choice when it comes to inactive jws not a WTS doctrine.  But the shunning of df'd and da'd jws is a current WTS doctrine and some elder bodies can and have chosen to df jws who disregard it.  It is a selective enforcing and they use the "necessary family business" clause to protect their rears.