Is shunning of df´d family members common in the US?

I have noticed when reading here that sadly, many df´d people seem to be shunned not only by the congregation, but from their families, as well.

Personally I have never seen that happen were I live. I wonder if that is a more american tradition than European? Everyone I know who are df´d are in contact with their JW families, as usual. I ahve never seen anyone getting shunned from family, since it´s not required by the Society.

I just ask since I wonder about it. I have been taught that a family can shun a relative if they want to, but very few do simply because they are family by blood. Some even associate in-laws that are df´d, (but not everyone, of course).

What are your experiences about thisand from what part of the world are you? Is this more common in the US?

Sincerely nathmedeah

i have heard its personal preference but my family have chosen to shun me nonetheless

we don't in my family but I know some ultra-righteous ones who have slammed the door on their kids.

nathmedear:  It happens here in SA - most of my jw family shun me.  The Aunt & 2 cousins that don't are "cold", but they have said once they go back 100% then they will have to fall into line.

My parents and siblings have shunned me for nearly 20 yrs.  Only contact is when I contact them, and they seem cold and distant. But then I really don't know them anymore.  There NEVER any I love you's or any affection of any kind.  If I say, "Well, nice talking to you, I love you, bye"  I hear a click on the other end. 

lisa

LouBelle, lisavegas:

I get so sad when I read what you tell me. That is so, so awful. It´s so weird, I have never come across it before. I can´t understand how these people think.

LouBelle; even crazier that your "cold" aunt and cousins are in the opinion that if they return they´ll shun you, as well. You´re family for Gods sake!

lisavegas; the telephone "response" breaks my heart. How do you explain that to people around you who are not witnesses?

I was a witness 1990-1995 and after I quit I´ve kept contact with a few JW´s (my own choice) and I know many, many who today are df´d and they all associate their families. No shunning there.

I tend to see it happen more in the US.

lisavegas; the telephone "response" breaks my heart. How do you explain that to people around you who are not witnesses?

I tell people around me the truth.  I want to be used as an example as why someone should not become a Jw.  I like it when they are sicken by the was JW's treat family.

lisa

It is required that DFd family, if they arent in the same house, be shunned.  And if they are in the same house you cant speak to them about spiritual matters.  If you are caught associating with DFd or DAd members, you can be DFd yourself.

Its the only thing keeping a HUGE number of JWs inside the cult.

Many of the posters on here are from Europe and have given their experiences being shunned as da'd, df'd or inactive jws.  Do their experiences count? Or having to shun family.

Nathmedeah,  I have no idea where you actually live, BUT it is a very strange place indeed!

It is obligatory to have NO contact with anyone who is disfellowshipped, the only allowable contact is for essential reasons.

You should read the appendix in "Keep Yourselves in God's Love" 2008,  pages 207,208 & 209  This is one of JW's latest publications and is available at any Kingdom Hall and I am also sure there is a pdf available here somewhere.

The JW's in your area ARE WRONG, according to the GB

Shunning is not a 'tradition', it is a direct command from the WTBTS and their Governing body via 'the faithful and discrete slave'.

fokyc

You don't have to be dfed to be shunned in the UK. Including myself I can think of a number of people who are shunned by their families, not just in the UK but across Europe. 

Is shunning of df´d family members common in the US?

Does the Pope wear a big hat?

Does a bear shit in the woods?

Does a 100 pound bag of flour make a big biscuit?

Blondie.

Most people here don´t write from where they are from, many though show the american flag (or canadian) but seldom do european people (apart from uk) show where they are from. That´s why I ask.

Personally I´m swedish and here it´s not customary to shun within family. You can do it, but noone hardly does. I don´t know one single person.

It is obligatory to have NO contact with anyone who is disfellowshipped, the only allowable contact is for essential reasons.

You should read the appendix in "Keep Yourselves in God's Love" 2008,  pages 207,208 & 209  This is one of JW's latest publications and is available at any Kingdom Hall and I am also sure there is a pdf available here somewhere.

The JW's in your area ARE WRONG, according to the GB

Great thoughts by Fokyc.

Although that's all true, many JW's ignore the rule to shun DA'ed/DF'ed family.  Many set their own boundaries- they don't talk "spiritual" with them or don't eat with them.  They determine that many family activity are "necessary."   Some set boundaries beyond WTS rules- Flipper has threads about his daughter basically shunning him although he is just faded and not DF'ed. 

And it is a DF offense in itself to have association with those that are DF'ed and DA'ed.  But most elders allow family to set their own boundaries as long as it is kept fairly quiet.  Many elders and pioneers set their boundary too high, worried about their precious position.  Many mothers and grandmothers set their boundary incredibly low, refusing to shun their relatives.

fokyc;

thanks for reading suggestion, I´ll look into it. I still must say here it´s not customary. One guy I know (whom I´ve known since 1990) was df´d in 97 for apostacy. His brother withdrew himself and df´d himself in 2000. Their dad is still an elder and they associate heavily within that family, brother, sisters, cousins aso. very customary here.

Then again; The WT sais women cannot wear trousers at meetings or in fieldservice; yet this was done all the time in Iceland. All the time.

So I guess, to some point, it is cultural?

Yes DA'ed/DF'ed members of a family that is not living at home is to be shunned per the WTS.  But some disobey the GB directions.  For example I know of a circuit overseer who visited his DF'ed brother every other week.  He stated that by him keeping in association with his brother that he was encouraging him to return to the organization.

It is true that anyone dealing with someone that has been DF'd is subject to themselves being DF'd, its a sad state of affairs when any organization has that much control over anyone else.

Such is not the case with excommunication in the many christian denominations, heck I don't think its that way with Mormons either, I think even Mormons are alowed to speak with those that have been "shunned" ( Not 100% sure on that though).

Truly it would seem that it is a matter of personl conscience, I mean, in the end EVERYTHING is a matter of personal conscience.

I wonder if JW's realize that?

I wonder if they realize that they will be judged for their shunning of "loved ones", of their "non-spiritual" family?

They won't be anle to fall back on the "I was following the organizations rules" excuse because the bible clearly states that ALL will be accountable for THEIR OWN actions.

Free will and personal conscience, the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

Nathmedeah, do you post on Hjälpkällans? 

OTWO:

"But most elders allow family to set their own boundaries as long as it is kept fairly quiet.  Many elders and pioneers set their boundary too high, worried about their precious position.  Many mothers and grandmothers set their boundary incredibly low, refusing to shun their relatives".

I guess that is what is mostly done here then, since I´ve never come across it, although I´ve heard about it. I´m sure it exists here, as well, it´s just not very common to do.

I know some will not discuss religious matters, but they always associate like anormal family. Noone questions that.

Thanks for reply.

Nath, I live in the southern United States, Alabama.

I've never witnessed the kind of shunning as described by some on this board.

In fact, I started a thread on this some months back.  http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/watchtower/beliefs/175154/1/Black-Families-Shunning

Sylvia