My JW "ex" girlfriend is going crazy (if anyone remembers me)...

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    M starcrossedpimp posted Wed, 30 Mar 2005 20:25:00 GMT(3/30/2005)

    Post 7 of 8
    Joined 1/12/2005

    Hello everyone,

    I wrote a while ago about the relationship I was in with a witness. It's still posted under this category I believe. Anyway, it was her decision to go along with her parents and stop talking to me. She did it pretty well at first, but it was so horrible for me. I would get so enraged b/c she would treat me like an acquaintance(i dont know if that's spelled properly) at work. It was like she just pretended the past year between us never happened. I couldn't believe this was humanly possible. She would keep it up, but then at times she would come to me at work or call me or write me letters saying that she has never cried so much in her life, she is going to go crazy if she doesn't hear my voice, etc...So it was relieving to hear that she was still a human being. You see, I would just create situations in my head and then draw conclusions from them as if this was reality. I do this a lot and it is not healthy. So when we actually did talk, it was nice to know that when she was alone she was missing me more than maybe even I was missing her. it's very difficult when you think you have this perfectly mutual relationship and all of a sudden you are betrayed (in this case b/c of a religion) by the one you have fallen so deeply in love with, and you can't imagine how it was ever mutual in the first place. I went back through our whole relationship in my head and looked at things with "new light" shed on them. Thinking to myself "maybe she never really loved me, maybe she saw how much I was in love with her and went along with it so as not to hurt my feelings. She quickly refutes these things when I tell them to her. I do believe her. I believe that right now, she is in the most confusing place she has ever been. But I am not allowed to be there for her, b/c i am an opposer. This gets more absurd by the day. I must say though, I was extremely close to attending meetings, but then I came to my senses. When you love someone, you will do anything, but in the words of MeatLoaf : ("i won't do that").

    I'll try to write more if anyone is interested. I'm never good at covering everything, because my hands wants to type everything my brain is thinking and I just keep hopping around on thoughts.

    So I don't know what is to come of our "relationship". She called me last night when her parents weren't home crying uncontrollably because she thinks she is losing me... I'm Like "What the hell did you think was going to happen when you cut off communication from me????" She wants both worlds, but can only have one. Honestly, I think she is scared that she won't find someone like me in her religion and she told me that I embody what she wants in someone. I am sort of an artist type- I cook, I paint, I play drums, draw, whatever. Not to sound conceited, but from my viewpoint witnesses aren't all that interesting. I may be wrong, but it seems like there could never be any time to be creative. On top of that, the things you do create would have to be approved by headquarters first right?? Ok, I am rambling. Feel free to comment- advice is always appreciated..

    M jaredg posted Wed, 30 Mar 2005 20:30:00 GMT(3/30/2005)

    Post 347 of 648
    Joined 6/15/2004

    the truth shall set you (her) free. open her eyes and she will love you forever!

    F MerryMagdalene posted Wed, 30 Mar 2005 20:31:00 GMT(3/30/2005)

    Post 555 of 2121
    Joined 8/19/2004

    Sorry, no good advice here, but I did want to acknowledge you, at least, and say "hi."

    That's a rough, tough situation you got there and I am wishing you all the best in finding a healthy resolution.

    ~Merry

    F Seeking Knowledge posted Wed, 30 Mar 2005 20:38:00 GMT(3/30/2005)

    Post 207 of 372
    Joined 8/19/2004

    Hey SCP...good to hear from you again!! Sorry not much has changed.

    You're right, she's confused, but SHE needs to decide what SHE wants to do. You're already there. She isn't going to risk losing her family for you. Nothing personal against you, but that's the truth.

    My ex does the SAME THING...he treats me as if our relationship never happened (can't ignore the son but he does ignore the past) and it is so frustrating, my heart is just now healing. There have been a few times, very rare but they are there, when he comes to my house alone to pick up our son and I get a glimpse of the "old" ex. He's pleasant and it's almost a joy to be around him, he takes his time in leaving, has a look on his face that tells me he wants to say something and gets that sad face on. It never lasts. He goes right back to his life that he created where I dont exist. He treats me as if I am a stranger and not worthy of his time and that just bugs the crap out of me, but I'm in a better place now. I too went thru my relationship with him in a new light, especially after I found this site. It's amazing all the things I missed, or chose not to see. He chose the path he is on, and there is nothing at all I can do about that except try to co-exist with him as a parent. THAT is proving very difficult, but I'm working on it.

    So, on to you..your girlfriend needs to sh*t or get off the pot. She needs to quit calling you and stringing you along. It sounds to me that she has already made her decision, but is having issues with that. Her age is a big factor, it's hard to walk away from your family and all you've known. I think you need to move on and let her go. It's not easy, but if she wants to be with you, she'll do the right thing FOR HER. UG...sucks doesn't it?

    Take Care-SK

    AuntieJane posted Wed, 30 Mar 2005 20:43:00 GMT(3/30/2005)

    Post 250 of 655
    Joined 1/3/2002

    I agree w. you, she probably won't find a JW with a creative personality like yours. That means you are curious, optimistic and imaginative, among other things. Traits that are discouraged in the JW cult.

    You already have a child; I am going to tell it like it is. Focus on your job as a parent, whether you are close to the kid or not. Develop that relationship; give up on this one. Your exJW girl friend is infatuated with what she cannot have....until (unlikely) she decides to escape her parents' and the JW's control over her life.

    Stand on your feet and let her know you are a man, you are going to distance yourself unless she has decided to get out. She will only pull you down emotionally; Life is TOO short for the stress brought on by these people. Don't stifle yourself.

    M IronGland posted Wed, 30 Mar 2005 20:45:00 GMT(3/30/2005)

    Post 1080 of 1357
    Joined 9/13/2002
    the truth shall set you (her) free. open her eyes and she will love you forever!

    Maybe. In my experience w/ a similar issue, having their eyes opened caused them to resent me for it. Stupid huh?

    M tijkmo posted Wed, 30 Mar 2005 20:50:00 GMT(3/30/2005)

    Post 167 of 4365
    Joined 3/17/2005

    i know exactly what you are going through...my relationship was wrong but it didnt mean i didnt feel anything....i never felt hurt like it...and she did the same to me with the crying and the contact and the not wanting to lose me...and i know what you mean by being interesting and exciting..its not bigheaded..its just a fact....and the bottom line is none of this matters because when she makes up her mind to stay and tow the line then youve lost her.....sorry bud but thats the truth.....but she may not have made up her mind yet so if you get the opportunity to be together take it...my biggest regret is having that opportunity and deciding to do the right thing and getting no help and being punished mercilessly anyway...tijkmo

    F kls posted Wed, 30 Mar 2005 20:57:00 GMT(3/30/2005)

    Post 3910 of 7548
    Joined 1/5/2003

    I do remember you and i really believe that in the end as time passes the one that will be truly hurt is you. It's like running in front of a moving train ,eventually you will get hurt in the end. It is not worth being with someone who is playing the jw part and wanting the the wordly part also because in the end the jw part usually wins . Move on and find someone that you don't have to play these games with because you will suffer .

    M Bryan posted Wed, 30 Mar 2005 21:06:00 GMT(3/30/2005)

    Post 1044 of 2648
    Joined 2/17/2004
    I believe that right now, she is in the most confusing place she has ever been.

    You have no idea. This is the brainwashing at its best.

    Bryan

    Have You Seen My Mother

    M Nosferatu posted Wed, 30 Mar 2005 21:16:00 GMT(3/30/2005)

    Post 4111 of 6803
    Joined 12/16/2002

    Yeah, I remember you. Until you leave this chick who has the problem of religion-induced flakiness, you're going to remain confused and frustrated.

    clare posted Wed, 30 Mar 2005 21:46:00 GMT(3/30/2005)

    Post 5 of 7
    Joined 3/18/2005

    Hi there,

    Mnnnnnnn I might be contradicting all the good advice here; If you truly love her you will stick to her like glue until she decides finally that it is over, and if she does then you have to be firm and say that this is really the end. I have finally left the organization, for all the reasons you see on these pages. I did think I would go back at one time, but I had a 'Wordly' boyfriend who truly was my soulmate, and then of course I found out all the bad things that were going on in the organization which were kept secret from me while I was a member. No-one could tell me; I had to find our for myself. The fact is that this girl cannot be disfellowshiped for dating or marrying outside the organization (of course the sex thing comes in to it as well); I was going to go back even with a boyfriend. If she is disfellowshiped then it might hit home that they don't practice what they preach. It seems that she must be going through a terribly confusing, and upseting time, but if you do the right thing by her then at least if it all does hit the fan you will know that you were loyal and supportive to the last; you will not have nothing to reproach yourself for. You have to keep in mind that she has been seriously brainwashed; all her thoughts and actions monitored; she is incapable of thinking for herself; she is deserving of pity and support. However, you may just not be able to stand all the stress, and decide that you have to end it. This of course is your perogative; only you know what you can bear. Ultimately, it rests on whether you truly love her, and by this I mean you probably will spend your whole life together, and how much of this irratic behaviour you can bear without putting yourself under such stress that it would make you ill. If you search your heart and find that you don't love her then it's probably not worth all the pain.

    However, you might do a service to her as her friend to point out that although there are many good JW's, nevertheless there are many things that have been done by them in the last 15 years which according to their own teachings are wrong: they have had U.N. connections as an non governmental organisation or NGO, (absolutely condemned by JW's according to their teachings); they invest in tobacco companies whilst banning their members from partaking; they have made rules and regs, which according to the scriptures they teach, is a sign of a sect not a true religion; more than 23000 documented sexual abuses so on and so forth, whilst claiming that they are a shining light to the nations. They will say 'everyone makes mistakes' and 'we are imperfect', but the fact is that in this world when somebody stands up and says they have integrity (like our politicians, or any public figure), and they are found out, disgrace and sometimes legal action follows: they are NOT above the law of any land. However, they keep serious situations that should be in police hands 'in house', which is a very serious matter not only to the laws of the land, but to the God she believes in. How would he feel having such shameful conduct representing him? She might be interested to know that according to scripture they will have lost 'Jehovah's'' blessing because of these many wrongs. But, if there is God out there, he blesses people of all sorts, and all nations, and if you believe in Jesus, it was said that he gave his life for everyone not just a few 'saved' individuals (or else what was the point in him sacrificing himself?). Sorry, got carried away there because it makes me so angry. I put my life on hold for 24 years; I was a promising musician, but gave it all away, bit by bit to be controlled and dominated by their teachings. Luckily, I'm at uni now doing the degree I dreamed of; in a post punk band singing the top of my head off about all these sorts lies taught by religions, and the corruption in government. I enjoy life; I have found truth; and I treasure every day now. It's taken me years to 'get it', and it may take your girlfriend some time too.

    It is very difficult for you though isn't it? It's easier said than done sometimes. All you can do is think of your strategy, and stick to it, and I hope for the best that you will be together. I'm sorry if I have said anything to upset you; it certainly wasn't meant that way. Keep talking about it here because there is a great crowd of people who are willing and able to support you! If only she could access this site, she would soon come to see that free will meant just that: YOUR CHOICE!

    M Goldminer posted Wed, 30 Mar 2005 21:52:00 GMT(3/30/2005)

    Post 179 of 590
    Joined 9/17/2004

    Religion is a lemon and I want my money back!!!

    Yes your girlfriend is confused.She's torn between you and what she knows will happen if she chooses you over the religion.Just keep letting her know you care about her and do all you can to convince her that jehovaf's witnesses don't have the "truth".

    F BrendaCloutier posted Wed, 30 Mar 2005 22:08:00 GMT(3/30/2005)

    Post 1800 of 4392
    Joined 7/10/2004

    I remember you, and your situation. I'm so sorry for the push me-pull you she's been throwing at you. She is confused and hurting and doesn't know how to handle it. Love you and walk away from her parents and their religion, or walk away from you.

    I'm also afraid that if she makes the decision to walk away from her parents and religion, she will either blame you, or find new freedom and leave you for it. Or both.

    I think you need to at least stand up for yourself and say that you'll be there if she stops pulling you around, or else you need to separate and move on with your life. She needs to come to terms with it. That's really tough on both of you, but necessary to set the tone of your relationship. She can't pull this crap on you now, and can't pull this crap on you later if the relationship develops further.

    You have received good advice here. Pour your love out on your son. Stand up for yourself. These are very important things in life anyway.

    Love and hugs

    Auntie Brenda

    M starcrossedpimp posted Sat, 02 Apr 2005 01:05:00 GMT(4/2/2005)

    Post 8 of 8
    Joined 1/12/2005

    Thank you everyone. It's hard to talk to people face to face about such a specific situation like this because most people don't have an idea as to what this situation entails. It is much more helpful to have people that can empathize so specifically to what I'm going through....

    She is supposed to be moving in a couple of days- she called me today, but I wasn't there... Her calling me is quite rare, b/c she can't use her cell due to her parents tracking the numbers called or received. Ridiculous huh? It's insulting to me since I treated her like gold, but so be it. She said before she never wants to leave me. She doesn't know how she is going to say goodbye to me...I guess we'll see.Thank you again, I'll have more to come.

    M tijkmo posted Sat, 02 Apr 2005 01:23:00 GMT(4/2/2005)

    Post 231 of 4365
    Joined 3/17/2005

    well at least she made an effort to get in contact with you to say goodbye!!..i lost everything for mine and she went and got reinstated without telling me and when i went to tell her that if that was what she wanted then i was truly happy for her...she told me to 'fucking stay away from me'.....ah the dulcet tones of the truly contrite

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